Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
Alle afleveringen
463 afleveringen, van nieuw naar oud
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The Kindness of Consequences
11 november 2025 · 34 min
In this episode: Janet receives a follow-up message from the mom she helped last week in the episode "Demanding, Stressed, and Aggressive—What's Happened to My Gentle Child?" The parent candidly shares aspects of Janet's advice that did and didn't work. She then reveals a transformative discovery: "We were getting boundaries and discipline all wrong. We were not being confident leaders or using honest consequences." This mom shares how the situation finally clicked for her and she was able to achieve positive results just three days later. "... The change is already incredible. I can see our four-year-old's real smile, silly loving nature, happiness for the day in the morning, and so much less aggression." Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.
Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold.
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Demanding, Stressed, and Aggressive - What's Happened to My Gentle Child?
4 november 2025 · 24 min
A stressed parent writes that her 4-year-old has been having a very difficult time for the past year. He's anxious, easily frustrated, "screams and stomps so loud it scares the baby," and is physically aggressive toward his older sister. Prior to this, she describes him as "such a gentle, thoughtful boy." She assumes some of his moods and behavior may be attributed to the arrival of the new baby, and she empathizes, but she wonders what to do. Janet has several suggestions to both better understand what her son is going through, how to communicate with him, and steps she can take to alleviate her own worry and stress. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.
Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold.
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Bedtime Battles ("Losing Myself in Motherhood")
28 oktober 2025 · 25 min
A parent writes that the bedtime routine with her 5.5 year old daughter has become an all-consuming marathon, and she feels exhausted, frustrated, and disconnected. "I don't enjoy motherhood right now," she says, "and that's painful to admit because I love my daughter so much." She describes a typical evening that begins calmly enough with snacks, bathing, teeth, and a book, but inevitably her daughter sidetracks the process with demands to go pee, first-aid for a booboo, and sometimes declaring that she's scared. "She knows exactly which needs I'll respond to, and I end up stuck in the loop again." Lees meer
Janet offers insight into this parent's dynamic with her daughter and why this 'loop' continues. She then makes some suggestions as to what her child might need in their relationship for this frustrating merry-go-round to finally stop.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.
Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold.
Please Support Our Sponsors.
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What to Say and Do During a Meltdown
21 oktober 2025 · 23 min
At the heart of Janet's parenting approach is respectful, honest communication between us and our kids beginning in infancy—which means observing and listening to kids at least as much as we talk to them. It also means walking through our own fears to accept our child's most uncomfortable feelings and broach difficult conversations. In this episode, Janet shares a parent's story about their child's 45 minute(!) meltdown, and how the parent eventually discovered what had caused it. This parent also describes helping their toddler gracefully handle a medical procedure. In both instances, this parent's embrace of respectful communication was the key to their success. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.
Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold.
Please Support Our Sponsors.
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Parenting Is Too Hard? Consider Editing Your Job Description
14 oktober 2025 · 29 min
No matter how we approach raising our children, there are times we'll feel physically, mentally, or emotionally exhausted. Maybe all of the above. We’re only human, of course, but it may also be that we're taking on more than we need to --- depleting our energy with roles and tasks that are better left to our child. In this encore episode, Janet offers ideas for lightening our workload by recognizing and trusting our children's intrinsic abilities. Janet's job description reframe can help save our energy, nurture self-confidence, and at the same time foster a flourishing parent-child relationship. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.
Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available wherever books are sold.
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A Secret to Stop the Hitting and Hurting When All Else Fails
7 oktober 2025 · 29 min
It's common for young children to go through phases of unwarranted aggression, usually directed at the ones they love most. Janet has noted that these phases are as uncomfortable for our children as it they are for us, and probably even more so. In this episode, she responds to two parents of kids who are behaving erratically and lashing out at their siblings. Both families have attempted to address these behaviors with empathy, respect, and boundaries, but they aren't seeing results. The frustrated parents admit they've sometimes reacted with threats, punishments, or shaming. Nothing seems to work. Janet offers advice that she believes will address both of these children's internal discomfort and, therefore, ease their aggressive behavior. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: nobadkidscourse.com.
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Making Independent Play Work for You and Your Child (Brilliant Examples From My Inbox)
30 september 2025 · 31 min
You've no doubt heard by now about the countless benefits of our children's self-directed play. Less understood is how to nurture this invaluable instinct in our babies—every child has it. With our good intentions, though, we sometimes get in the way of play. Perhaps we intervene and unnecessarily interrupt our children's process. Or, as our kids get older, we let structured activities and excursions usurp the time they might have preferred to spend exploring, experimenting, following their own interests, and creating activities—doing what may look like "less" on the outside, but gaining profound benefits. In this episode, Janet shares letters from parents who describe eye-opening experiences that caused them to recognize the importance of allowing their children—who are from 3 months old to 3 years old—to play their own way, and how the simple act of not intervening brought them joy and a new understanding of their child and the value of play. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: nobadkidscourse.com.
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Obedience Is Not a Dirty Word
23 september 2025 · 22 min
We all hope to raise polite, well-behaved kids who follow rules and comply with requests, assuming these are fair, just, and appropriate. We want our kids to not only respect us but other authority figures in their lives. Yet, many of us shy away from the term "obedience," because it connotes using discipline methods that are overly strict, harsh, and authoritarian. It doesn't need to be that way. In this episode, Janet responds to a parent who feels like she needs more obedience from her almost 4-year-old. She's wondering if she's wrong to want that, even though obedience was what was expected of her as a child. Janet explains that this parent's needs are not only valid but achievable through Janet's relationship-centered approach. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: nobadkidscourse.com.
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Parenting Problems Our Childhoods Create (and How to Fix Them)
16 september 2025 · 36 min
The root causes for our children's behaviors—especially the behaviors that most alarm and confuse us—are often confusing and complex. Sometimes, try as we might to understand and even reason with our child, the behavior only gets worse. But these behaviors may be simpler to address than we might imagine. All we need to do is recognize the intense focus that we are bringing to these behaviors and where that might coming from— often our own childhood experiences. Janet responds to two parents who have become exasperated trying to reroute their kids' behaviors. One feels her kids constantly tune her out, leaving her feeling "disconnected and invisible." The second parent is alarmed by her son's recent interest in weaponry and some disturbingly violent threats he's been making. In both cases, the more these parents lean into their kids with words and reason, the more extreme the behavior becomes. Janet finds a clue in both stories that may be keeping these relationships stuck Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: nobadkidscourse.com.
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Don’t Raise Your Kids in a Bubble
9 september 2025 · 27 min
As parents, we're naturally protective of our kids' feelings and sensibilities, but as they mature and venture out socially, it's also our job to give them the tools they need to thrive in a variety of settings and with people who have differing views and engagement styles. Our kids need to learn to respect and adapt to every person's boundaries—not just ours, but those of their peers, teachers, caregivers, relatives. Then, when our child finds herself in a new situation confronted by a different norm, which is inevitable, they (and we) can perceive this as a positive learning experience and approach it with confidence. Lees meer
In short, how can we best prepare our kids to adjust to life's realities? Janet explains how respectful parenting is geared to do exactly this. She illustrates by responding to two different families whose kids are having difficulty accepting other people's boundaries.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: nobadkidscourse.com.
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Helping Your Child Overcome Anxieties, Fears, and Rocky Transitions
2 september 2025 · 31 min
Transitions tend to be difficult for young children, and they express their struggles in a variety of concerning ways. They may be focused to distraction on particular random-seeming anxieties and fears. Worse, they take their feelings out on us by being uncooperative or lashing out in violent meltdowns. Two families reach out to Janet with these issues, and she proposes a three-step approach to help resolve them. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: NoBadKidsCourse.com
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Negativity, Pushback, No to EVERYTHING
26 augustus 2025 · 25 min
The parent of a 7-year-old describes writes that her daughter has become relentlessly negative and argumentative. "It feels like everything is a debate, and she says no to almost every request." As one of Janet's longtime followers, she knows not to take the behavior personally, tries to maintain a light attitude, but she often finds herself lecturing and sometimes completely losing her cool. She wonders if Janet can suggest some other way to deal with her daughter's negative attitude. "I feel so exhausted from all the debating and negotiating and fighting." Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is at: NoBadKidsCourse.com
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Fighting Is Playing (Let the Kids Work It Out)
19 augustus 2025 · 33 min
It's unnerving when our kids engage in conflict with siblings or peers, whether it's over a toy, their perceived 'space', or even our attentions. As emotions escalate, so does grabbing, pushing, and sometimes hitting. No parent wants to witness this, and our instinct tends to be to try to manage the situation by separating the warring factions, comforting hurts and disappointments, figuring out alternative activities our kids can engage in, or admonishing them to "share." But peer and, especially, sibling conflicts offer our kids crucial developmental opportunities. Janet offers her perspective and advice to a parent whose children are constantly battling. She discusses how we can support our kids to resolve and learn from their conflicts, and when and how they need us to intervene. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids" Master Course is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Making a Successful Transition to Preschool (with Mr. Chazz)
12 augustus 2025 · 45 min
Janet welcomes a timely visit from iconic educator Mr. Chazz who shares how parents and teachers can help kids successfully transition to a new preschool or childcare situation. His focus is on trust and maintaining the sense of connection that supports parents and kids to separate with confidence. Lees meer
Janet's "No Bad Kids" Master Course is at nobadkidscourse.com.
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How to Help a Strong-Willed Child (Without Wounding His Spirit)
5 augustus 2025 · 23 min
A parent describes her 4-year-old son as energetic, independent and strong-willed. While she appreciates her son’s enthusiasm and free spirit, she constantly struggles to reign him in and finds herself yelling, "You're not listening!" As an example, she says they often take nature walks with friends, and he inevitably runs ahead at an unsafe distance. She feels overwhelmed, especially when they are out with other parents “that have high expectations for behavior." In this encore episode, Janet offers a few ways to help her son listen but “without killing his free spirit.”
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.
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Validating Feelings Isn't Working
29 juli 2025 · 21 min
The practice of acknowledging our children's feelings and struggles can provide healing, calming messages of safety and acceptance. With a genuine tone and a few words, our acknowledgments can help children share pent-up emotions, feel seen and heard, and gradually regulate, which in turn eases problematic behaviors. However, parents commonly share with Janet that validating feelings doesn't work for their child and feels more like an exercise in frustration. In this encore episode, Janet speaks to some of the common reasons this practice might feel less effective, what to do instead, and why we shouldn't give up on acknowledging as a powerfully empathic relationship-building tool.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.
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The Help Toddlers Need With Aggressive Behavior
22 juli 2025 · 33 min
Janet responds to 3 messages from listeners who say their kids exhibit aggressive or violent behavior towards their peers, in one case "pushing, hitting, or attacking faces, sometimes without warning." While all these parents recognize that fatigue and other discomforts can contribute to this behavior, it often seems that their kids lash out for no reason at all. These parents have come to distrust their kids in social situations and are at their wit's end, worried they've done something wrong. "I feel like we have tried everything, and nothing is working. I just cry now because I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Janet offers insights that she hopes will ease these parents' minds as it helps them understand their children's behavior and respond in a manner that effectively changes it.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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The Bad Advice I Gave About Toilet Training
15 juli 2025 · 34 min
In a previous "Unruffled" episode, Janet offered advice to a parent who was struggling with potty training. That parent wrote back recently to announce her daughter's 4-year saga had finally come to a successful conclusion... it was NOT the result of the parents following Janet's advice, but going full speed ahead in the opposite direction. In this episode, Janet revisits the guidance she originally offered, and explains why she believes her advice was unhelpful to this family.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Calming Our Reactivity to Children's Irritating, Demanding Behaviors
8 juli 2025 · 22 min
In this popular encore episode, a parent writes that she’s overwhelmed by her two girls constantly demanding her attention, following her around their home and calling “Mommy! Mommy!” even if they are in the same room. “It’s driving me mad,” she writes. “It’s like a dripping tap. It is getting to the point where I just want to scream.” This mom notices that the girls don’t have this dynamic with their father. In fact, even if he is sitting beside them and she is in another room, they still call to her. Understandably, she feels drained and wonders if Janet can tell her what she’s doing wrong.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Eating Disorders, Healthy Body Image: What Parents Need to Know (With Grace Lautman, CN, LMHC)
1 juli 2025 · 42 min
Janet is joined by Grace Lautman, a therapist and nutritionist who focuses on eating disorders, the conditions that can create and aggravate them, and how eating — or not eating — can be a symptom of mental health issues. She writes: "My hope has always been to provide accepting spaces for all individuals and bodies to explore and honor their relationships with food, body, and self." Janet and Grace discuss some of the early signs of eating disorders, and how our own relationship with food and body image throughout our lives can affect our children beginning in the early years. Lees meer
Grace's Website: https://www.honornutritioncounseling.com/
Instagram: honor_nutrition_counseling
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Rejection, Exclusion, Teasing — What to do When Friends Aren't Kind
24 juni 2025 · 34 min
We all want our kids to enjoy thriving friendships, to feel appreciated by supportive peers. But that's not always case, and it can be heartbreaking to see the hurt, disappointment, and confusion our child feels when — for whatever reason —friends aren't treating them as they should. How do we support our kids' to navigate this? How much should we intervene? And what might intervening look like? Janet has an empowering perspective that she hopes will help, and she explains how it might apply in the cases of 4 different families who have recently reached out to her about their kids' challenging interactions with peers.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Sleep, Baby, Sleep (with Hari Grebler)
17 juni 2025 · 43 min
RIE expert Hari Grebler joins Janet to discuss her respectful and surprisingly simple ideas for helping our babies to sleep. Hari's positive approach begins with babies and applies to toddlers as well, ultimately building a foundation that serves our needs and those of our children throughout their lives.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Secrets to Talking to Kids About Anything
10 juni 2025 · 28 min
3 families reach out to Janet and ask, "How do I say it?" Listen to find out more!
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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I'm Bad, I'm Stupid—Kids Being Harsh on Themselves
3 juni 2025 · 28 min
"I'm annoying, bad, stupid, not good at anything. I hate myself." It can be disconcerting to hear our kids say such unkind things about themselves, using harsh words that we've made a point not to use with them. Is this perfectionism? Low self-esteem? Passing feelings of vulnerability? What can we do to encourage our kids to stop bagging on themselves like this? How can we build up their self-image and self-confidence? Janet responds to notes from two concerned families, weighing in with encouraging advice and a point of view that can make all the difference.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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My Boy Seems Anxious, Sensitive, Easily Overwhelmed... Is This Normal?
27 mei 2025 · 31 min
Janet responds to three parents who are worried that their kids seem overly anxious and sensitive in social situations. Each parent has tried to be patient and trusting, but they wonder if their child's temperament may be abnormal, especially when compared to their peers. Aside from frustration and concern, one parent says: "I'm so lost... Sometimes I feel shame — not about him — but because I want to do fun things with him, but he always pulls back and retreats." Janet offers advice and a lot of encouragement.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Discipline Isn't Working - 3 Common Reasons and What To Do Instead
20 mei 2025 · 32 min
Effective discipline can be confusing! It can feel like we're working so hard to be caring, empathetic, and patient with our kids—and not lose our temper—yet still, the challenging behaviors keep happening. And then when we try to set boundaries, our child has a meltdown that seems to last forever. What are we doing wrong? In this episode of "Unruffled" Janet explores three common reasons our attempts at respectful discipline can end up being ineffective. She suggests nuanced adjustments that can make all the difference. Her recommendations will not only help to simplify our approach (for the win!) but also help our kids to feel safe, seen, and supported, deepening our parent-child bonds.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Struggling with a Strong-Willed Toddler's Tantrums
13 mei 2025 · 36 min
This week Janet consults with the single mother of a 2.5-year-old who's concerned about how she's handling her daughter's behaviors. She describes her toddler as strong-willed, smart, intuitive, loving, sweet, and caring, but when she doesn't get what she wants, she loses it, throwing things, hitting, and screaming. This parent realizes that her daughter's behavior is developmentally normal and maybe even necessary, but it upsets her, as the model she was raised with was entirely different. "I grew up under the auspices of spare the rod, spoil the child," she says. "I don't want that for my baby. I will not be that kind of mom. She deserves better." Janet makes several observations as to how this parent is already achieving her goals, and offers advice for framing her toddler's behaviors in a manner that will make it easier for this mom to calm herself and continue nurturing their relationship in a positive direction.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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How to Handle Our Kids' Obsessive Jealousy
6 mei 2025 · 35 min
Bossiness. Toy taking. Unkind words. Hitting. Behaviors like these are particularly common between siblings but can happen with peers as well, and they're frustrating and disturbing for us to witness. How to we address them? Separate the warring factions? Issue a mandate? Negotiate a settlement? Perhaps just let it play out? In this episode, a parent writes that her four-year-old loves his 2.5-year-old sister dearly, but "he is insanely jealous, obsessed with having the same or more than her, whether it's food, toys, Easter eggs, crayons... It seemed like a phase, but it's become an obsession." This mom describes all the strategies she's tried to deal with her son's behavior, but to no avail. After considering the causes and conditions of this boy's behavior, Janet offers a respectful approach she believes help alleviate the situation for all.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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3 Ways to Lift Your Parenting Spirits (with Loryn Brantz)
29 april 2025 · 34 min
Loryn Brantz is an Emmy-winning author, illustrator, and mom of two, who once built puppets for Sesame Street. Loryn joined Janet on a previous episode of "Unruffled" to talk about parenting a child with disabilities, sharing the joys and challenges of her journey with honesty and her signature warmth and wit. Her new book "Poems of Parenting" is a funny, touching, and totally relatable collection about her ups and downs raising kids, the awkward and sometimes difficult moments she's come to cherish, and ultimately how she's come to embrace her role as a parent.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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In an Age of Anxiety, How to Stop Worrying and Raise Less Stressed Kids (with Dr. William Stixrud)
22 april 2025 · 50 min
In this encore episode, Janet’s guest is Dr. William Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist and co-author of "The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives." Bill Stixrud's decades of experience counseling children and their parents have led to conclusions that complement and support Janet's own parenting philosophy, especially topics such as encouraging self-confidence, intrinsic motivation, and inner-directedness. And since many of Bill's clients have been with him from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood, he has the benefit of seeing the results of his practice.
Bill and Janet discuss the value of giving our kids opportunities to make choices, discover and pursue their passions, and the challenges and benefits of being a non-anxious presence (because our "calm is contagious").
Dr. Stixrud is the founder of The Stixrud Group, a member of the teaching faculty at Children’s National Medical Center, and an assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine.
Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Discipline That Works - Your Best Responses to Your Kids' Behaviors
15 april 2025 · 25 min
Respectful, effective discipline can be challenging for us to learn, and experience is our best teacher! With that in mind, Janet shares several encouraging success stories from parents who faced frustrating or infuriating, sometimes alarming challenges with their kids. Subjects include disobedience, bedtime struggles, tantrums, aggressiveness, hitting, self-care, boundaries, and more. Each parent describes their before-and-after experience as they implemented advice or strategies from Janet's "No Bad Kids" approach. With each small success, parents found new confidence in their leadership, a sense of surety and calm in their interactions, and the realization that their relationship with their kids was growing stronger than ever.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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How to Stop the Screaming
8 april 2025 · 28 min
There's nothing unusual about a child screaming, but sometimes it can become a go-to response to any situation. Janet responds to a parent who says her 3-year-old has become "stuck on screaming... She screams at her friends in the park, at my mom, at my dad, at my husband, at strangers..." And because of this parent's childhood environment, her daughter's screaming is triggering. She says it's very difficult for her to stay calm and reasonable. At times, it becomes too much for her, and although she realizes the irony in this, she ends up screaming back.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Play That Builds Skills and Bonds Us (with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson)
1 april 2025 · 46 min
Janet’s guest is Dr. Tina Payne Bryson. Her new book “The Way of Play” (co-authored with play therapist Georgie Wisen-Vincent) illustrates how playing with our kids in a receptive manner for even just a few minutes each day helps us to better understand them, while also encouraging their development of social skills, emotional regulation, resilience, and self-confidence. The guidelines Tina and Georgie offer in "The Way of Play" help make connecting through play easy, natural, and fun as well as richly effective for learning and bonding. As Tina explains, "The temptation can be to take over the play or be too instructive or didactic, to think we need to teach all kinds of lessons. But what's really powerful, as we follow our child's lead, is to be able to dive into their world." Janet and Tina do their own deep dive into all of these topics and more. Then they both respond to a letter from a parent struggling with her 4-year-old’s aggressive behaviors.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Crying at Separation
25 maart 2025 · 28 min
Is it ever okay to say no to our child's requests for closeness or attention, to separate when that makes them upset? What if these requests are frequent, or even seem to evolve into a habit of unreasonable, seemingly over-the-top demands? In this episode Janet responds to two notes from parents who feel they may be in this predicament. One shares that her four-year-old "starts crying hysterically and won't calm down" if the parent doesn't acquiesce to her demands immediately. This parent understandably feels stressed. "It's getting to a ridiculous point, and the demands seem to be growing," she says. "It feels like I'm being held hostage."
The second mom shares that her two-year-old often cries when she leaves her side, even when her dad is there for her. She wonders if this is a sign her daughter is anxious and if there's something more or different the parents should be doing.
In both cases, these parents are hoping to help their kids feel more confident and secure, and Janet shares a perspective she believes will help them achieve these goals.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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When to Let Kids Quit
18 maart 2025 · 26 min
Enrichment classes, lessons, sports, Sunday school, and community events like Library Story Time can benefit our kids in many ways, but what do we do if our kids won't cooperate or participate? What if they seem okay with it at first, but then later want to quit? The questions raised by a parent's letter in this podcast are common ones: If our child is clearly distressed by an activity or outright rejecting it—even if they agreed to it to begin with—is it okay to let them stop? Will quitting set a negative precedent? What if we believe the activity is teaching important skills? Whose decision is it? Janet shares her perspective on the subject and offers guidelines for helping parents navigate this puzzling and often frustrating conundrum.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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It's Not Too Late to Stop Yelling or Spanking (with Lavinia Brown)
11 maart 2025 · 56 min
Janet is joined by inner child healing expert Lavinia Brown, whose previous appearance on "Unruffled" prompted a listener to write in to describe how she's struggled to control her angry and physically punitive responses to her three-year-old son's behavior. Raised in an authoritarian household in which she was spanked whenever she disobeyed, this mom has bravely started making changes. "I'm now convinced that spanking should never be an option," she writes. "I'm also seeing that all of these terrible parenting techniques are not working with my son. If anything, he has learned that it is acceptable to vent his frustrations by trying to hit me, kick me or scratch me." She desperately hopes she can heal her relationship with her son, who lately she noticed flinching in fear, but she worries, "Is it too late?" She also wonders how to get her husband on the same page. He tries to respect her choices but still believes that spanking can be effective. Lavinia and Janet offer their perspectives, suggestions, hope, and assurance that it's never too late for this parent or any parent to make positive, lasting changes in their relationships with their children.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Tattling and Threats
4 maart 2025 · 23 min
Certain behaviors our kids display can really wind us up. In this episode, Janet offers a solution to three common ones. First, tattling—when our kids seem to have the incessant need to tell on friends or siblings for every minor thing they do. As adults, we might label this person as a gossip and steer clear. As parents, we might fear it could eventually lead to our child being alienated from his peers. Second are threats -- when our kids use ultimatums with peers, siblings, or us, like "If you don't do this, I'm going to... " (using their most challenging tone). Should they get away with this? How should we respond? Lastly, Janet covers actual warnings kids give us, like when they say, "I'm going to hit you," or "I'm about to hurt my sister." Shouldn't we be alarmed? Should we scold them and forbid them to say such things? Janet shares her advice on all of this and more in this week's episode!
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Stop Whining
25 februari 2025 · 27 min
Our child's whining can be the most earsplitting sound imaginable and, unfortunately, our negative reactions to whining can tend to make matters worse. How do we make the whining stop? A parent writes to Janet that her 7-year-old is constantly whining, pouting, and repeatedly asking her mom for new stuff. "Instead of playing with the entire Toys R Us we have in our home, she whines about the things she wants, and seriously, I'm going to lose my mind." Janet offers a perspective she hopes will help this parent and others whose kids won't seem to stop whining.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Mean Kids
18 februari 2025 · 29 min
A parent writes to Janet that she's alarmed and heartbroken about the wedge that's developed between her and her 4-year-old son, "a very sweet, genuine, kind little person," due to his increasingly unkind, hurtful behavior. This mom feels she's tried everything and yet her son continues to hit, kick, pinch, scratch, and run away from her and her partner. The boy also makes threats like, "I'm going to punch you," sometimes following through. This mom suspects that two situations may be causing her son's behavior: "His sister is 18 months and speaking in short sentences, which I'm sure is a momentous change for him;" and "he is embroiled in ongoing conflict with two boys in his mixed age Montessori class. I say conflict, but it might be bullying." She's at a total loss and hoping Janet can offer her clarity and perspective.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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The Joy in Letting Babies Move Freely (with Elsa Chahin)
11 februari 2025 · 41 min
Elsa Chahin, President/CEO of Pikler/Loczy USA, has dedicated herself to carrying on the mission of visionary pediatrician and researcher Dr. Emmi Pikler, which is to promote "respectful and harmonious relationships between the youngest child and the adult." Like Janet, Elsa is also RIE Associate who studied under Pikler protege Magda Gerber. Elsa joins Janet in this episode to discuss the innumerable, proven benefits of allowing babies to develop their motor skills naturally. These benefits include physical competence, self-awareness, judicial risk-taking, inner-directed joyful learning, emotional health, and an enduring belief in themselves as capable people. As Elsa and Janet explain it, trusting our child's natural motor development can even make parenting easier, because all babies need from us are secure, intimate relationships and freedom to move.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Too Needy, Too Stubborn, Too Emotional, Too Bossy, Too...
4 februari 2025 · 27 min
Parenting and worry seem to go hand-in-hand. Because we care so much, we watch our kids closely and can tend to perceive their traits and behaviors in a needlessly negative, worrisome light. In this episode, Janet explains why traits like sensitivity, bossiness, a toddler's insistence on doing it himself, and another child's seemingly constant need for a parent's validation can all be seen (and approached far more effectively!) as strengths.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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I Don't Like My Kids, and That Breaks My Heart (A Parent Consultation)
28 januari 2025 · 29 min
Janet consults with a distressed parent of two boys who feels stuck in a destructive pattern. She describes how she's struggling with feeling constantly irritated, overwhelmed, and just angry. “I love my kids more than anything,” she says, “but they’re driving me crazy.” Janet agrees with the mom that boundaries are a big part the issue and suggests a new approach for her to try. Surprisingly, the solution they come up with is not stricter enforcement, but just the opposite.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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If Consequences Aren't Working, Try This Instead
21 januari 2025 · 33 min
A parent with 2 children, 4 and 1.5-years-old, writes to Janet feeling disappointed and concerned that he's letting his children down. This dad admits that he’s very sensitive to his both children’s emotions, especially if they’re upset. In order to deal with their typical, rambunctious behaviors, he’s attempted to set reasonable boundaries with consequences in terms of dressing, bathing, bedtime, roughhousing, etc. This "If you do that, then... " strategy was effective for a while, he says, but lately seems to have backfired because his four-year-old is now giving him ultimatums. The boy's behaviors have become more extreme, and in response the dad says he threatens unnatural consequences, which leads to tears, more guilt, and on and on. “I hate the whole cycle,” he says. “I hate feeling like I’ve let them down. I hate the feeling of being out of control. Mostly, I hate and fear the breaking of trust and the positive relationship that I have with him.”
Janet offers her suggestions and encouragement.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Resolving Our Kids' Annoying Behaviors
14 januari 2025 · 29 min
Janet addresses messages from parents who are feeling defeated and helpless in the face of their kids' persistently uncooperative, annoying and, in one case, hurtful behavior. All of these parents admit they are struggling, and that the approaches they've tried just don't seem to be working.
"... I am constantly getting at my child, telling her 'No, stop that, not so close,' etc., and after a while I get incredibly frustrated as I just need my personal space."
"My two year old has taken to saying "hate you!" literally 25 plus times a day."
"I dread having to go anywhere on my own with [my sons] for fear that I will be overwhelmed by their energy and powerless to keep them in-bounds in a way that feels unruffled."
Janet recommends an overall shift in these parents' approach that she believes will give them the confidence they need to help resolve their issues, and can be applied to almost every behavioral challenge parents face.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Crying, Screaming, Resisting, Sadness - Your Best Responses to Kids' Emotions
7 januari 2025 · 26 min
Raising kids is a learning process, and (no doubt) there's a benefit to reflecting on the mistakes we make along the way. But Janet believes we can learn even more when we recognize and appreciate our successes, no matter how inconsequential they might seem to us as the time. Maybe it's the little bit of empathy we felt as we limited one of our child's bothersome behaviors. Or a momentary sense of confidence in ourselves as leaders rising above the fray. Or the realization that we could, just that once, let our child's feelings be without judging them, and then, the increased closeness we felt with our child when those feelings passed. In this episode Janet celebrates YOUR illuminating, inspiring stories, and she's exceedingly grateful to you for allowing her to share them.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Be Careful What You Teach - It Might Interfere With What They Are Learning
31 december 2024 · 22 min
Janet responds to a question from a caregiver who says the family she works for is interested in teaching their son ABC's and other lessons. The child is sometimes disinterested and refuses to participate, and she wonders: “Is there a respectful approach to teaching children?” Janet responds with an alternative perspective on early childhood learning that focuses on providing the best foundation possible for children to develop their innate abilities and a lifelong love of learning. This is an encore episode.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Dear Parents: You Are Not Failing
24 december 2024 · 22 min
In this encore episode, a mom is at her wit's end and describes a series of challenging family separations and transitions, including the birth of a sibling. Now one of her twins yells and screams from morning until night. The other twin is defiant and “is always telling me ‘no’ and doing things he knows he’s not supposed to be doing.” This mom says their behavior is so extreme she spends most of the day in tears, feeling like a failure, and then ends up yelling. She’s looking for Janet’s advice how she might deal with her twins’ behavior.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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Embrace the Privilege of Parenthood (With Neha Ruch)
17 december 2024 · 37 min
Janet’s guest this week is Neha Ruch, a writer and speaker on parenting, women, work, and identity. Her personal journey from career through parenthood led her to question and ultimately reject society’s stereotypical view of the stay-at-home parent and its limitations, and instead celebrate the possibilities. Neha is the founder of Mother Untitled (.com), which seeks to reimagine parenthood as a pause or “downshift" and an opportunity to find our passions. Through Mother Untitled, Neha connects a growing community of like minded parents with resources geared to support and further their goals. Her new book, “The Power Pause: How to Plan a Career Break After Kids--and Come Back Stronger Than Ever” will be out in mid-January.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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5 Daily Discipline Reminders
10 december 2024 · 32 min
Wouldn’t parenting be easier if our kids’ behavior was always stellar? Unfortunately, for most of us that isn't the case. It is during those difficult times especially, when our child is tired or hungry or angry (or their behavior just seems terrible and we're mystified as to what's gotten into them), that they need us to be their confident, empathic leader—a role that doesn't always come naturally. In this episode, Janet shares a shortlist of simple reminders for making setting limits with our kids feel more comfortable and organic. Because, as she says, we all deserve to feel successful!
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
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How to Calm Ourselves (With Mr. Chazz)
3 december 2024 · 44 min
By now, we’ve all heard that Step One for effectively addressing our kids' behaviors and emotional storms is to first calm ourselves. Sounds simple, but as Janet has often shared, she believes this to be the biggest challenge we as parents face. Here's good news: Janet's guest this week is dynamic and passionate educator Mr. Chazz, and he has learned a self-calming process that he believes in 100%. Happily, he shares it in detail in this episode and who knows? It may very well come in handy this holiday season!
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.
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