Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

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1. Episode Summary 13: What Is Neuroaffirming ADHD Support? A Counselor Explains

   2 november 2026 · 29 min

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   A while back I sat through an hour of Dr. Russ Barkley, a global expert on ADHD, walking through the statistics: more car accidents, more health problems, and a life expectancy he says is 7 to 13 years shorter, driven mainly by a lack of impulse control. When the hour was over, I remember thinking that if I had a kid with ADHD, I would be absolutely terrified. Lees meer

   Right after that, I took a second training, Becoming a Neuro-Affirming Clinician, hosted by B. Lourenco. The difference between the two couldn’t have been more profound. Barkley starts with executive function and asks how to fix it. B. Lourenco asks why executive function is hard in the first place, and what we can do to support people with ADHD that might involve medication, but might not.

   In this conversation, B. Lourenco explains why she thinks ADHD starts with attention regulation, and what she says to Dr. Russ Barkley’s claim that impulse control drives that shorter life expectancy. We talk about Dr. Russ Barkley’s view that kids shouldn’t get any say in whether they take medication, and what a parent who desperately longs for quiet and predictability can do when their kid wants noise and novelty all day long.

   Questions this episode will answer

   What does neuroaffirming mean? Neuroaffirming approaches start from the idea that ADHD is one of the ways brains work, and that it has been around about as long as humans have. It takes out the shame, then looks for ways to adapt that fit how you work and for the strengths that come with ADHD.

   Does ADHD shorten life expectancy? Dr. Russ Barkley says it does, by 7 to 13 years, driven mainly by poor impulse control. B. Lourenco agrees that health outcomes differ but disputes the explanation, because a doctor who sees only impulse control can miss co-occurring conditions that affect health.

   Are kids with ADHD overmedicated? B. Lourenco says over-medication was real for a generation of kids: too many were medicated, and many were given too much. She also says me…

2. Episode Summary 12: Is ADHD a Disability, or Just a Difference We Treat Like One?

   19 oktober 2026 · 22 min

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   This is the third and final episode in our series on Dr. Russ Barkley's approach to ADHD. In the first episode, we looked at how ADHD gets diagnosed and why diagnosis rates keep climbing. In the second episode, we covered the medication research - including the largest ADHD treatment study ever conducted, and why most kids stop taking medication within a few years. This episode zooms out to ask a bigger question about whether the medical model has misunderstood ADHD from the start. Lees meer

   This excerpt covers two sections from the full episode: the bell curve Barkley uses to define who has a disorder and who doesn't, and why that framing itself is the problem. And the causal pathway behind the outcomes Barkley warns about - because when you look at the wider body of research, the path from ADHD to reduced life expectancy has a lot more steps in it than Barkley acknowledges, including the peer rejection and teacher stigma kids with ADHD face. The full episode goes further into the evolutionary history behind ADHD traits, the history of how ADHD became a diagnosis, and researcher Andrew Ivan Brown's concept of "misrecognition" - available to members.

   Questions this episode will answer

   Is ADHD a disability? The answer depends on which definition of disability you're using. Under a strictly medical definition, ADHD is often treated as a brain-based disorder. But under other frameworks, ADHD looks like a mismatch between a person and their environment.

   Is ADHD not a disorder? Some researchers argue ADHD fails to meet the two standards a mental disorder is supposed to meet, once you account for the environment ADHD traits evolved in. This episode walks through that argument step by step.

   Do people with ADHD struggle with friendships? Yes. Kids with ADHD are far more likely to be rejected by their peers than other kids, and a large share experience ongoing, chronic exclusion.

   Why does ADHD still have a negative stigma, and are people with ADHD discriminated against? Teacher…

3. RE-RELEASE: What’s Really Behind Your Hardest Parenting Days

   5 oktober 2026 · 42 min

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   You did everything right today, and it still wasn't enough. Your kid melted down over something small, you lost your patience faster than you wanted to, and now you're lying in bed wondering if today's hard moment left a mark. Lees meer

   In this episode, I get into why some days with our kids are harder than others, and it's rarely just about what happened in that one moment. Temperament mismatch (or a temperament match that causes its own friction), the attachment patterns we picked up long before we had kids, unresolved hurt from our own childhoods, we're carrying more into these interactions than we usually notice.

   I share a wilderness first-responder question that changes what to do in the first ten seconds of a hard moment, a parent's story of a forgiveness that happened in her body before it happened in her head, and why the thing you think you need in the moment, five minutes alone, your kid to just listen, is almost never your actual need.

   Questions this episode will answer

   Why is parenting so hard? It's rarely just the moment in front of you. Temperament mismatch with your child, the attachment patterns you learned long before you had kids, unresolved hurt from your own childhood, and undiagnosed things like ADHD or anxiety all stack on top of each other, so it doesn't take much to push you over the edge on a day that looks fine from the outside.

   Why am I so stressed with my kids? Stress in a parenting moment is rarely about the shoes not getting put on. It's usually a strategy standing in for a real need, rest, competence, connection, that's been going unmet for a while. Once you find the need underneath the surface fight, the fight itself tends to lose its grip.

   How to be a calmer parent? Start with the same question a wilderness first responder asks first: is the scene safe? Can it be made safe? Once it is, the next move isn't to fix anything, it's to do nothing. Sit down near your kid, take a breath, and try: "It seems like you're having a hard time right n…

4. Episode Summary 11: Breaking the Cycle: One Mom’s Honest Story

   28 september 2026 · 24 min

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   You promised yourself you wouldn't become your mother. Then your kid won't put their shoes on for the third time, and the voice that comes out isn't really yours. Lees meer

   In this episode, I talk with Terese, a parent who grew up walking on eggshells around a mother who yelled often. She would yell because Terese had her school books on the dinner table - and then after dinner, she would yell because the books were in the living room. Terese knew she wanted to raise her own kids differently, but she didn’t have a model for what that would look like.

   She shares what it took to finally stop hearing her mom's words come out of her own mouth, how she navigates her kids fighting with calm and confidence - and what she says to her kids on the nights it doesn't go as well.

   We hear how she talks to herself in the moments right before she'd normally snap, and how her son learned to apologize for his mistakes without being asked or told.

   Questions this episode will answer

   What is breaking generational patterns? It starts with catching yourself mid-reaction (and eventually before your reaction), and recognizing where it came from - often a hurt you experienced in childhood. Healing that pain, and learning new ways to be with your kids that meets both of your needs, actually breaks the cycle.

   How do I stop yelling when I'm angry? Staying logical or repeating yourself more calmly rarely holds once a kid is already melting down. Instead, try to notice when you’re just a little bit agitated - your shoulders are tight; your fists are clenched; there’s a lump in your throat. That’s the moment to remind yourself of what matters most to you - your relationship with your kids.

   How do you resolve conflict between siblings? Taking the toy away ends the fight but doesn't teach anything. When you can find out what need each child is trying to meet (e.g. autonomy, connection), you can find strategies to help both of them meet their needs. That’s how they learn how to solve their own conflict…

5. 10 Years, 10 Lessons: Everything I Got Wrong About Parenting

   21 september 2026 · 50 min

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   Before my daughter was born, I made a book split into two halves. One cover said 'me.' The other said 'you.' I filled the 'you' side with a list of hopes for who she'd become. I had a lot of ideas about the person she should be before I'd ever met her. Lees meer

   This episode marks ten years of the podcast, and I'm using it to walk through ten things I got wrong along the way. Because if you're in the middle of any of these yourself, I want you to know exactly where I started.

   I'll cover what I misunderstood about the RIE approach and Magda Gerber's work, how I mixed up authoritative and authoritarian parenting in an early episode and had to go back and correct it on air, and a fight over a dose of antibiotics that taught me the difference between managing my daughter's behavior and understanding what was underneath it. Then I get into what I got wrong about myself: a resentment that built for months in my marriage before I understood what a need even was, a moment mid-interview when I realized one of my biggest triggers had nothing to do with my daughter, and the Alfie Kohn book that planted the seed for how I parent now. I close with what I got wrong about parenting itself, and why, ten years in, I still think most of us are trying to do this without the people around us it takes.

   Questions this episode will answer

   What is the RIE approach to parenting? RIE, developed by Magda Gerber, treats infants as capable people who deserve respect from birth. I only found out about it because friends who practiced RIE came to meet my daughter right after she was born, right before they moved away. This episode gets into what happened after that one visit.

   What's the difference between authoritative and authoritarian parenting? Authoritative parenting is warm and sets limits through relationship, while authoritarian parenting sets limits through control and obedience. I got these two labels mixed up on the podcast in 2017. This episode looks at what happened when I dug into the re…

6. Why Your Preschooler Is Hitting, Biting, or Kicking (And What Helps)

   7 september 2026 · 21 min

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   Your child's preschool number shows up on your caller ID, and your stomach drops before you even answer. Preschool never calls with good news. Your kid hit someone at the sand table, or kicked a friend in line for the bathroom, and now you're standing there wondering if you have to call another parent and apologize, and whether this is the start of your kid becoming the one nobody wants to play with. Lees meer

   The conversation you have that night probably isn't the first one. You remind your child that we keep our hands to ourselves. Maybe there's an early bedtime attached this time, to show them you mean it. Then the same thing happens again the next week, and you start to wonder what you're missing.

   In this episode, I walk through what's actually driving hitting, biting, and kicking at preschool, both for kids who are dealing with a classroom that controls almost everything about their body for the first time, and for teachers managing a room of 20 kids with their own competing pressures. I share what happened when a child hit a teacher after being physically moved into circle time, and a moment from my own daughter's classroom where a nap-time standoff got resolved without anyone losing. By the end, you'll have a different question to ask than "how do I get the hitting to stop."

   Questions this episode will answer

   Is it normal for preschoolers to hit? Hitting, biting, and kicking are common at this age, especially once a child spends most of the day in a classroom where someone else controls when they sit, move, and talk. That loss of control is often what's underneath the hitting for three and four year olds.

   How do I stop my 4 year old from hitting at school? Repeating "hitting isn't okay" rarely works, because most kids already know that before the conversation happens. Look instead at what happened right before the hit, and what was building up earlier in the day.

   What are some common behavior problems that 4-year-olds experience in school? Hitting, biting, and k…

7. Re-release: Creative Problem-Solving (Without Giving the Answer)

   17 augustus 2026 · 54 min

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   Sara's four-year-old started asking permission for things he used to just do on his own, like grabbing the markers off his own shelf. It was a small request, but it worried her, since nothing about her home had ever required asking first. Lees meer

   This episode follows what she did next. Sara gets specific about creative problem-solving in action: a drone in the sky and a line of dump trucks waiting outside a construction site. She talks through the exact question that became her compass whenever self-doubt crept back in, and the moment she realized a pattern from her own childhood was at risk of repeating itself in how she was raising her son. If you've ever wondered whether teaching without teaching is even possible while working full time, this conversation walks through what that looked like, day to day.

   Questions this episode will answer

   What does creative problem-solving look like in a young child? It looks like a kid testing an idea out loud and building on what he already knows instead of waiting to be told. One example: a child working out on his own that a package of sliced cheese needs a sealed bag to stay fresh, after being asked one question instead of given the answer.

   How do you support a child's exploratory learning without taking over? Don't give the answer, and the next step tends to follow on its own. A parent's role becomes watching for what the child already knows and how much support helps him move past it.

   What is exploratory play, and why does it matter for learning? Exploratory play lets a child test a theory before anyone tells him whether he's right or wrong. A child watching construction vehicles at a work site can build a working idea of how they function, purely from observation and his own reasoning, with no lesson required.

   What kind of parenting leads to perfectionism in children? Growing up under pressure to be the best at everything can turn into a lasting belief that anything less isn't good enough. That belief tends to surface again…

8. Re-release: Raising an Entrepreneur (Without Taking Over Their Business)

   3 augustus 2026 · 1 uur

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   When my daughter Carys was 10, she started a pet-sitting business. She opened a Roth IRA with the income, built a client base of dog walkers and cat owners in our neighborhood, and figured out a system for remembering security codes only after a couple of alarms went off by accident. Lees meer

   This episode is about that decision. Skills needed for entrepreneurship come from real clients and real consequences. A kid learns to be reliable because someone is counting on her. She learns to communicate clearly, and to recognize her own capacity before she hits the edge of it. That kind of learning comes from a parent who knows the difference between sage on the stage and guide on the side. I talk through what that looked like week to week: the systems Carys built on her own and the boundary she set with a client who wanted an early morning walk. I also discussed the lessons on money that came from managing income. If you've wondered how to raise entrepreneurs without turning it into your own project, this one is for you.

   Questions this episode will answer

   What skills does a child develop through entrepreneurship? Kids build reliability, organization, client communication, and the ability to recognize their own limits before they hit them. All of it develops through the pressure of real clients depending on them.

   How do you raise a child to think like an entrepreneur? Step back and ask questions instead of giving answers. Let a manageable mistake happen. A child develops judgment by using it, through real experiences.

   What are the benefits of entrepreneurship for kids? Beyond income, kids build boundary-setting, financial literacy, and confidence that carries into other parts of their life, including schoolwork and how they talk with adults outside the family.

   How do you teach a child financial responsibility? Let business income lead to real decisions about saving and giving some of it away. A custodial Roth IRA becomes possible once a child has earned income of her own, an…

9. Episode Summary 10: Burnout vs Depression: The Mental Load of Mothers

   15 juni 2026 · 18 min

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   Many mothers go to the doctor because they feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and they aren’t sleeping - and leave with a depression diagnosis and a prescription. The message is: your brain isn't working right, and medication will help you cope. Lees meer

   But what if the problem isn't your brain at all? In this episode, I talk with journalist Bob Whitaker, who has spent decades investigating psychiatric treatment in the U.S. We look at how women's distress has been medicalized instead of taken seriously as a response to impossible circumstances.

   We look at how antidepressants work, which is quite different from what the drug companies have been telling us for years. He also shares the results of a New Zealand study on postpartum depression that should have changed how we support new mothers - but didn't.

   Questions this episode will answer

   Is it burnout or depression? Burnout and depression share a lot of the same symptoms - exhaustion, low mood, difficulty functioning - but they have different roots. Burnout is a response to sustained, unmanageable circumstances. Depression, as it's currently diagnosed and treated, is framed as a brain malfunction. This episode looks at why this difference matters, and why so many mothers get a depression diagnosis when they’re experiencing burnout.

   Why are mothers more likely to be diagnosed with depression? Mothers in the US are frequently carrying an unequal share of household work, childcare, and mental load - often while also working full time - with little support. When that situation becomes unsustainable, the distress it causes is then treated as an individual brain problem rather than a response to a broken system.

   What prevents postpartum depression? A study out of New Zealand found that consistent, practical support - help with the actual work of running a household - significantly reduced postpartum depression. But even though the findings were significant, more support has not become the standard of care.

   Should I take antidepr…

10. 266: If ADHD Medication Doesn’t Help Kids Learn, What Does?

    1 juni 2026 · 30 min

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    If you listened to our first episode on ADHD, you already know that the story most parents get about the diagnosis has some significant gaps - in the diagnostic criteria, in the research funding, and in the case for lifelong stimulant medication. This episode goes deeper on the topic of medication for kids. Lees meer

    Most parents medicating their child with ADHD in the U.S. are doing it because they want their child to learn and succeed in school (social concerns are seen as more important to parents in the U.K.). But the largest ADHD treatment study ever conducted followed 538 children for six to eight years - and found no difference in academic achievement, grades, or test scores between kids who stayed on medication and kids who didn't. There were no significant differences even after the medicated group increased their average daily dose by 41%.

    Medication changes kids’ behavior, but it doesn't improve learning. And once you understand what the research shows really helps kids with ADHD in the classroom - and why most kids stop taking medication within a few years - the conversation about treatment may look very different.

    Questions this episode will answer

    Does ADHD medication help with school? The largest and most comprehensive study of ADHD treatment ever conducted followed children for six to eight years. At the six and eight year follow-ups, children who stayed on medication did no better academically than children who weren't taking medication - even though the medicated group had increased their average daily dose by 41%.

    What can I use instead of ADHD medication? Research shows that small group instruction and differentiated teaching strategies produce real learning gains for kids with ADHD - gains that medication alone doesn't deliver. In a controlled study, kids learned vocabulary, social studies, and science through good teaching. Medication didn't add any learning benefit on top of that.

    Do ADHD medications affect learning in the long-term? A crossover …

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