2 Bears, 1 Cave with Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

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1. A Tiger Almost Ate Bert's Daughter | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   26 oktober 2026 · 54 min

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   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from Austin and New York. Bert lays out his plan to spend 24 hours with Mark Wahlberg alongside Rob Lowe, from 3 a.m. prayer to sleeping in Wahlberg's daughter's bedroom. Then Bert says his new hour finally clicked in Philadelphia, and the guys pull up the People magazine exclusive about his couples therapy with LeeAnn that Bert doesn't remember giving. From there, Bert tries to Google a photo of himself with Dolly Parton to prove to his daughters he really met her, and instantly regrets it. The Bears also get into Bert's bench press push-up challenge, getting drunk for the first time in nine months on Por Osos, and why LeeAnn keeps asking when he'll retire. Plus: why Tim Dillon is the funniest guy alive, Bill Burr in The Social Reckoning, Tom making the case for Tom Cruise's Digger, comedy as a belly flop contest, why you never turn your back on a tiger, and Bert's plan to keep a pygmy hippo at home.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 345

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   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Int…

2. Shane Gillis vs SNL: Round 2 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   19 oktober 2026 · 1 uur 7 min

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   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in with Tom in Austin and Bert in New York for the Food & Wine Festival. Tom opens by tackling the Shane Gillis backlash from his SNL monologue, while Bert tries to stay out of it for once (he just really loves those pants). The Bears react to the livestreamed execution of the Fort Hood shooter getting called off. Then Bert declares himself Team Katie for new White House press secretary Katie Zacharia, from her shaky first briefing to her gym pics and the bar exam she failed, and the guys give her three months, tops. He also opens up about his people-pleasing after a woman on a plane Googles him and asks, "What did you do?" Plus: Condoleezza Rice's 9/11 story, Bert buying Napoleon's cologne in Paris, Pope Leo's surgery, a maintenance guy catching Bert's 54-year-old mirror selfie, Bert's street-interview do-over, Chris Distefano charming Rachael Ray on Something's Burning, and Mark Zuckerberg's first Guinness.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 344

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3. The Sebastian Maniscalco SiriusXM Drama | 2 Bears, 1 Cave | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   12 oktober 2026 · 1 uur 11 min

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   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer check in from the road, with Tom in Atlanta and Bert in Philly on his Permission to Party World Tour. The Bears debate whether they'll watch the Pentagon's livestreamed firing squad execution of the Fort Hood shooter, then dig into the SiriusXM Raw Dog Radio shakeup that had comics coming after Sebastian Maniscalco, and how one video turned into Bert starting a comedians union (Leanne is handling it). From there, Bert swears he'll die with his beard, finally tells Tom about the shot in Bad Thoughts season two he can't believe made the cut, and gets fired up over hood horse racing in Mississippi. Plus: Mike Ditka's one-take steakhouse commercial, Michael Jordan finding his lost championship rings in a forgotten safe, Chamillionaire's $25,000 autograph, Barry Sanders and The Fridge, and Tom getting pitched hair transplants.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 343

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   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:06:15 - Should You Watch The Fort Hood Shooter's Execution?

   00:12:14 - Black Horse Racing & Sprinting On A Horse

   00:19:31 - Bert Will Die With This Beard & The Bad Thoughts Shot

   00:24:52 - SiriusXM, Raw Dog Radio, & The Sebastian Maniscalco Backlash

   00:35:19 - Bert's Comedians Union

   00:41:25 - Spam Calls & Mike Ditka's One-Take Commercial

   00:46:34 - Michael Jordan's Lost Championship Rings

   00:56:52 - Barry Sand…

4. The Most Delusional Man In Comedy | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   5 oktober 2026 · 1 uur 11 min

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   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer call in from opposite ends of the map: Tom on a day off from his movie in Atlanta, Bert from Cleveland's Rocket Mortgage arena. Bert pulls up old Hollywood stars next to today's to prove Tom belongs in Cocoon, and Tom fires back that Bert looks like ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag. Then Bert drags in an arena worker to vouch for his looks, and she guesses Tom is 45. From there, the Bears lock in a bench press push-up challenge, Bert asks Claude who he should support between Israel and Palestine, before he finally admits to needing a seatbelt extender. They also get into Zach Bryan's Free Palestine shirt at Gillette Stadium, Ari Emanuel's memoir Roll the Calls, Bert's brutal gum surgery, Tom Cruise's Digger, and Tom introducing Bert to the cinematic universe of Quan Millz.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 342

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   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   00:04:09 - Football, The Metric System, & Catching Strays

   00:09:13 - Tom Belongs In Cocoon

   00:16:07 - One-Drink Bert & The Bench Press Push-Up Challenge

   00:28:11 - Cl…

5. Tom Cruise Pulled His Own Tooth Out w/ Rob Lowe | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   28 september 2026 · 1 uur 53 min

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   This week, Tom is off somewhere, so Bert Kreischer is joined by the legendary Rob Lowe, back in the Cave to talk about his new movie The Musical, the Sundance comedy with a twist so audacious the big distributors were too scared to buy it, now playing in theaters. Rob breaks down the 18-day shoot, the moment that makes audiences gasp, and why a small theatrical run still beats a mystery streaming "hit." From there, the two get into learning stick on La Cienega, LeeAnn's endless story recaps, Tom Cruise pulling his own tooth for The Outsiders, and Paul Newman's legendary hangs. Bert opens up about his Free Bert season two meltdown and the night he forgot how to yawn, Rob shares what 36 years of sobriety taught him, and they pitch the ultimate Netflix show: 24 Hours with Rob & Bert, starring Mark Wahlberg as Dirk Diggler. Plus: Usher's house tour, Bryson DeChambeau's eagle, and the national anthem bit.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 341

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   Chapters

   00:00:00 - Intro

   0…

6. Raygun Deserved The Gold Medal | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   21 september 2026 · 1 uur 13 min

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   This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are on separate sides of the country, but still together in our hearts. Tom's about to film a movie and Bert's been running his takes through ChatGPT before he says them out loud, which still doesn't stop LeeAnn and his daughters from destroying him over The Pastor's Wife. Bert explains how Last Comic Standing edited him into the villain, and how much public misrepresentation a person should take before they swing back; Michael Jackson, Shane Gillis, Johnny Depp, Joe Rogan, and Bert's "how many bees until you start swatting" theory. From there, Bert delivers the two greatest analogies of his life, Tom demands the production Bible for Tenet to understand it better, and Bert turns his garage door into a guillotine. They also get into Kyle Forgeard of Nelk Boys running seven marathons in seven days, Bert's daughters hijacking his couples therapy to tell the therapist he only feels emasculated at Lowe's, and Bert's case that Raygun should have won the gold medal and that Jackson Pollock was a shill.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 340

   https://tomsegura.com/tour

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7. What Percent Gay Are You? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   14 september 2026 · 1 uur 13 min

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   Welcome back to the cave! Hunter Biden says he's 48% gay, which raises the only question that matters: what percent are you? Bert and Tom build the math from zero, clothes, dicks, physiques, saunas, eye patches, a $5,000 face laser, and Bert climbs a lot higher than he expected to.

   Along the way: why Bert can't watch Sophie Cunningham highlights, the uncomfortable truth about loving Jason Williams, John Stockton's total lack of pizzazz, the hunt for a white DB in the NFL, Bert calling his dad mid-episode to check the family for slave owners (Tom's family does not come out clean), Bert's sister telling him to grow up about his sleep anxiety, Ila volunteering to fight Tom's ten-year-old in the Octagon, the 2:30am Dodger Stadium aftermath, a device that grades your poop, and Bert's full-throated defense of the Philadelphia Eagles' male cheerleader.

   Plus: this week's Mountain Dew summer sizzle submissions, including one that requires $2.6 million of CGI and one that just shuts Bert up.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 339

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8. Jelly Roll Called The President A Fat Pig | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   7 september 2026 · 1 uur 14 min

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   Welcome back to 2 Bears 1 Cave! This week Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer dive right in with Jelly Roll's headline-grabbing Kimmel monologue where he addressed the president as "from one fat pig to another." Bert then takes full credit for Jelly Roll's weight loss and the entire genesis of the Two Bears 5K, because technically he was in the room when that casually became a thing. They also have exciting news, a new 5K is coming in April and it's going to be bigger than ever.

   From there, Bert opens up about the panic attacks he's been having, severe, physical, and rooted in something he now understands: a complete lack of childhood bedtime structure. Tom grew up getting nightly Catholic prayers, a sign of the cross from mom, and the full rosary in the car for any trip over ten minutes. Bert grew up watching Letterman alone at nine years old at 3am while his dad slept off a ten mile run. The bears compare notes on childhood bedtime routines, how they each put their own kids down now, and what sleep anxiety looks like when it hits a grown adult, including Bert's most recent 36-hour panic attack that started when a friend told him he yawns too much and he forgot how to do it. He couldn't yawn for a day and a half. He finally yawned in couples therapy. That's where we are.

   They also get into Mel Gibson getting lightly canceled for mocking a sign language interpr…

9. Breaking Down The Barstool Brawl | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

   31 augustus 2026 · 1 uur 46 min

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   Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are back in the cave and surprise surprise, Bert opens with a confession: he wishes he'd never quit drinking. What follows is a full inventory of the modern male brain, the online pastor Tom watches every morning to get inspired, why 17-year-olds have no business being nostalgic for anything, the exact moment each of them gave up on playing pro sports, and why comedians never seem to get that same reality check. The guys break down Bert's Whoop addiction and the blood clot that started it, get talked into a completely fictional performance-enhancing stack for a 5K, fall in love with bull riding legend JB Mauney, pitch the worst sponsorship idea in podcast history, and watch a food delivery driver take on the entire Barstool office. Then it's cringe cancellation, sobriety influencers, 4:23 a.m. morning routine guys, and a long, very funny argument about which movie stars are actually men and which ones just look at themselves in the mirror. Plus Bert's new fragrance obsession, the colognes of Napoleon, Elvis and JFK, Sebastian Maniscalco's four seasonal robes, Joe Rogan's splits, Billy Bob Thornton at the CMAs, and a big announcement about the future of the show.

   2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 337

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10. Stavvy Called Us Out | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

    24 augustus 2026 · 1 uur 26 min

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    This week on 2 Bears, 1 Cave, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer celebrate Bert officially entering the Guinness Book of World Records for The Machine, possibly the most performed signature story in comedy history, and immediately spiral into the comedy record arms race: Shane Gillis' 77,000-person show, Nate Bargatze's 2 million tickets, the Dane Cook vs. Dave Chappelle longest-set war, and Bert's plan to lock 75,000 paid "hostages" inside Raymond James Stadium and perform for ten straight hours. Then the Bears respond to Stavros Halkias calling out comics who fly private, and explain why he's absolutely right: nobody gets funnier on a private jet. From there, Bert declares Busboys, the new Theo Von and David Spade movie, the greatest piece of art he's ever seen, and Tom finally watches The Odyssey, only for Bert to officially turn on it over the Travis Scott cameo. Plus: Gaddafi's all-female Amazonian Guard, plane-crash hypotheticals, Chimp Empire is the best reality show ever made, Mick Jagger on fame, and why the Bears are grateful they got famous late.

    2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 336

    https://tomsegura.com/tour

    https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour

    https://store.ymhstudios.com

    Chapters

    00:00:00 - Intro

    00:00:18 - Co…

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