Ask Lisa: Untangling Family Life

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1. 296: Avoidance Feeds Anxiety: When to Make Teens Do Hard Things | Dr. Meredith Elkins

   3 november 2026 · 43 min

   Afspelen
   Your teen has asked to be picked up from school early again, and you already know why: they spent lunch hiding in the bathroom, and now they’re dreading tomorrow before today is even over. Lees meer

   You’re heartbroken watching your teen hurt, and then the second-guessing kicks in: is rescuing your teen helping, or is it actually making things harder? That’s an exhausting place to be, and it makes sense when parents get there.

   Here’s the thing: teens are often dealing with real adolescent social worries, but avoidance makes anxiety worse. Every early pickup brings instant relief and takes away a chance to practice facing our fears, so going to school feels even scarier the next time. Dr. Meredith Elkins walks us through how to tell a painful-but-normal rough patch from clinical anxiety that takes over a teen’s life (hint: look at distress, duration, and how much it’s getting in the way).

   And no, you don’t need your teen to sit down with a therapist tomorrow to fix the situation. We talk about getting guidance from someone who knows anxiety, stepping away from the accommodations that stoke the anxiety, and helping your teen build confidence one doable step at a time. The bottom line: You’re a lot less powerless than you may feel.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Dr. Meredith Elkins is a clinical psychologist and Harvard Medical School faculty member who researches and treats anxiety in children and families, co-directs the McLean Anxiety Mastery Program at McLean Hospital, and is the author of Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids.

   Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids

   The SPACE Program, developed at the Yale Child Study Center

   More on independence-focused therapy: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38901131/

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2. 295: Situated: How Your Choices Today Shape Your Child's Tomorrow | Angela Duckworth

   27 oktober 2026 · 43 min

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   A lot of us grew up believing the hard way is the better way, so when our kids struggle (or we do), we assume that the answer is to exert more effort. That can leave you feeling like you’re failing at something you “should” be able to power through. Lees meer

   Wearing yourself out trying to push a tween or teen toward better habits is one of the most common, and most exhausting, parts of parenting. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

   Even world-class athletes don’t achieve their goals on willpower alone. Psychologist Angela Duckworth, who has spent her career studying grit, explains that they set up their surroundings to make the work easier. Teens are especially attuned to the norms around them, so the school, peers, and neighborhood can play a powerful role in shaping their behavior .

   That means you have more say than you think. Dr. Lisa and Angela talk about doing what you can to shape the environment around your teen and why working to create contexts that make hard work easier to do is smart, not lazy. Consider this your permission to stop doing everything the hard way.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Angela Duckworth is the Rosa Lee and Egbert Chang Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Grit.

   Situated: Find the People and Places that Bring Out Your Best

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   DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

   - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠⁠

   - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠⁠

   - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Con…

3. How to Handle Halloween Group Costume Drama | Dr. Tori Cordiano

   20 oktober 2026 · 38 min

   Afspelen
   Your seventh grader walks in the door in tears because the group chat just made it painfully clear she’s being pushed out (this time, over Halloween costumes), and now you're wondering whether to coach her on what to say or stay quiet so you don't make it worse. Lees meer

   Here’s the good news: this is a typical - if painful - experience in middle school and early high school. Friendships and social standing get reshuffled as kids test out independence and figure out where they belong. At the same time, the pause-and-think skills that can help them handle tricky group dynamics are still under construction (and it doesn’t help that the group chat moves fast!). Dr. Tori Cordiano walks us through why costume conflict can feel so painful and why it’s often a window into bigger social shifts.

   You'll come away with guidance on how to offer effective support: from taking the hurt seriously, to asking if your teen wants to vent or problem-solve, to helping your teen figure out next steps. This is also a perfect moment to help our kids pause before posting and exit a harmful chat without losing face. You don't have to fix it; being the steady person at home is already a big part of the job.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide.

   Dr. Tori Cordiano is a licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, and writer specializing in child and adolescent development. In her private practice, she provides comprehensive evaluations, parent consultation, and psychotherapy, alongside a virtual course for parents on executive functioning and a regular newsletter. Dr. Cordiano also serves as a consulting psychologist and Co-Director of the Center for Research for Girls at Laurel School.

   More about Dr. Tori Cordiano’s work: https://www.drtoricordiano.com/

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4. 293: Olympic Mom on How to Keep Club Sports in Check | Lauren Regula

   13 oktober 2026 · 50 min

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   You're thinking about signing your kid up for a travel-heavy club team with a price tag that makes you wince - and a co-parent who sees the whole thing differently. Might saying yes to club sports support your talented kid while undermining the rest of family life? Lees meer

   It's a miserable spot to be in. We don’t want to hold our kids back, but we also worry about what club sports might cost our families in terms of time, money, and togetherness.

   The good news: our kids are still figuring out who they are, what they’re good at, and what they love. Their enjoyment and motivation matter far more than locking into one path early, and that gives you more room than the sports world tends to admit.

   Three-time Olympian and mom of three Lauren Regula joins Lisa to talk about how her family has handled the challenges that come with today’s youth sports landscape. You'll learn how to figure out what level of play fits your kid and your family, how to set boundaries before the sports schedule takes over your calendar, and how to protect time for other interests and family time.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Lauren Bay Regula is a three-time Olympian and bronze medalist with Softball Canada, speaker, coach and a mom of three young athletes.

   Lauren’s programs & speaking: https://strongmomstrongfam.com/

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   Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠⁠

   DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

   - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠⁠

   - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠⁠

   - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate …

5. 292: How Pornographic Content Harms Sexual Development | Dr. Tori Cordiano

   6 oktober 2026 · 29 min

   Afspelen
   Right now, a lot of families are thinking about how to talk with their kids — especially their sons — about consent and how sexual partners deserve to be treated. And if you find something graphic on your teen's screen, you face another challenging question: what is this actually teaching my teen, and is it already too late to do something about it? Lees meer

   Here's what makes this conversation more important than ever: according to Common Sense Media, 73% of U.S. teens have seen online pornography by age 17 — boys and girls encounter it at nearly the same rate, but boys are considerably more likely to go looking for it on purpose, and most teens who do seek it out are watching at least weekly. This isn't a rare or fringe exposure. It's closer to a near-universal one, and repeated viewing can genuinely shape what a teen thinks sex, desire, and respect are supposed to look like, often before they've had much–if any–real-world experience to compare it to.

   Dr. Tori Cordiano leads us through why compulsive porn use in teens is so difficult to interrupt once it starts, why infinite-scroll content is built to exploit that wiring, and how ADHD and dopamine-seeking behavior intersect. We also explore how repeated exposure to graphic content can shape teen sexual development— and what that has to do with the values conversation so many families are having right now.

   This means you've got real levers to pull — setting clear device rules, treating ADHD if it’s present, and having short, calm conversations instead of one big awkward talk. Whether you're trying to stop a teen from watching porn altogether or just want to know what to do next, you don't have to solve this in one sit-down, and you don't have to do it alone.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide.

   Dr. Tori Cordiano is a licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, and writer…

6. 291: How Your Kid’s Exclusion Hurts You Too | Michelle Icard

   29 september 2026 · 30 min

   Afspelen
   Your sobbing middle schooler has just seen a Snapchat of their friend group hanging out without them and feels devastated …and you have no idea whether you should call the other parents, try to help your child cheer up, or just stay out of it. Lees meer

   Watching kids be excluded by friends they’ve had for years often leaves parents feeling bewildered, upset, helpless - or all of the above. Feeling angry on your kid’s behalf and wanting to rush to the rescue are completely understandable reactions. But you’ll want to take a beat and listen to this episode before acting.

   Michelle Icard joins us today to break down how tweens going through social exclusion at school are usually just testing out new friends and identities. Old friendships don't always grow at the same pace and some kids get left out in the process.

   Your job isn't to engineer the friendship back together. It's to tend to your own feelings (perhaps hitting the gym, talking with a friend, or consulting with a clinician), then sit with your kid and ask what might help them feel even a little better today. Painful social shifts, including periods of feeling socially adrift, can ultimately foster resilience, independence, and the skills needed to build new friendships and interests.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Michelle Icard is a middle-school parenting expert with over 20 years of experience helping families navigate early adolescence. She is the author of Middle School Makeover, Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen, and 8 Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success.

   More of Michelle’s work: https://michelleicard.com/________________

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   DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

   - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls T…

7. 290: How to Prevent Failure to Launch | Dr. Mark McConville

   22 september 2026 · 44 min

   Afspelen
   Perhaps your kid has left college before graduation and seems to be drifting along. Or maybe your high school student doesn’t seem to be “lit up” about anything. If this is your teen, every well-meaning "how's your kid doing?" from a friend can feel like it’s poking at an emotional bruise. Lees meer

   Are you worrying too much, or is this actually a problem? Is your kid “failing to launch” or have they simply hit a rough patch? While the answer may not be clear, one thing is: you’re not the only parent losing sleep about it.

   In this episode Dr. Mark McConville walks us through what's actually going on with unmotivated adolescents, underachieving young adults, and kids with ADHD who often struggle to adjust to systems that don’t celebrate their strengths.

   You'll walk away with a fresh take on how to think about your next conversation — from setting boundaries with a young adult who has returned home to supporting a teen with ADHD who's lost motivation for school. It’s not about fixing your kid, but about working with them instead of against them.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide.

   Dr. Mark McConville is a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience in adolescent and emerging adult psychology, and a senior faculty member at the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland. He is the author of the book Failure to Launch: Why Your Twenty-something Hasn’t Grown Up…and What to Do About It.

   More about Mark’s work

   Emerging adults: The in-between age

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   Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

   DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

   - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

   - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and A…

8. 289: Signs Your Teen is Heading Towards an Eating Disorder | Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar

   15 september 2026 · 34 min

   Afspelen
   Your kid announces they’re cutting out sugar. No cookies or dessert, just carrots and hummus for lunch on repeat. You notice they’ve lost a little weight. And somewhere in the back of your mind, a voice keeps asking: is this fine, or is this not fine? Lees meer

   Are you being anxious, or are you being appropriately worried? That in-between space is exhausting. If that’s where you are right now, you’re not overreacting, and you’re not alone.

   Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar walks us through what actually separates a “healthy eating” phase from something worth a closer look — and why the kids who need the most support are often the ones who feel, to themselves, the most in control.

   You’ll walk away with a simple framework for bringing this up with your kid — one that doesn't require perfect timing or the perfect words.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide.

   Dr. Kelly Bhatnagar is a licensed clinical psychologist and eating disorder specialist with over 20 years of experience, co-founder of the Center for Emotional Wellness, and a certified provider of Maudsley Family-Based Treatment for adolescents.

   Dr. Bhatnagar’s eating disorder consulting services and program development coaching: www.eatpsychscience.com

   Maudsley Family-Based Treatment

   The Academy for Eating Disorders (AED)

   F.E.A.S.T. (Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders)

   American Academy of Pediatrics statement about weight and behavior-focused guidance

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   DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

   - PRE-ORDER: The Emotional Lives of Parents: Caring for Ourselves to Better Care for Our Children → https://bit.ly/EmotionalLivesofParents

   - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seve…

9. 288: Getting Your Disorganized Teen on Track | Dr. Tori Cordiano

   8 september 2026 · 37 min

   Afspelen
   You may know this scene: your kid forgot practice gear again, an assignment vanished into the void, and you're wondering if your teen is just disorganized — or is there something more serious going on? Lees meer

   That mix of exhaustion and frustration is real. Chasing lost details, worrying that you may have dropped the ball, wondering if you're overreacting to normal middle school or high school organization struggles, or missing something bigger — you're allowed to feel all of that without it meaning you're failing anyone.

   Here's some good news: the part of the brain that handles executive functioning is still under construction all through high school and doesn't fully come online until your kid reaches their mid-20s. So a teen who can't stay organized, forgets homework, or misses details isn't revealing a character flaw. It's a work-in-progress brain doing exactly what a work-in-progress brain does.

   Today's guest, Dr. Tori Cordiano, walks us through how to lower the bar on what counts as "normal," and build a few sturdy tools for executive function instead of expecting your teen to self-manage it all. She talks through how to let natural consequences do some of the teaching, and how tying responsibilities to what your teen actually cares about is often more motivating than punishment ever is.

   Stay curious, and know there's a clear sign for when consistent struggles and concerning school feedback it's worth pursuing an evaluation. You've got more room here than you think.

   Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Dr. Tori Cordiano is a licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, and writer specializing in child and adolescent development. In her private practice, she provides comprehensive evaluations, parent consultation, and psychotherapy, alongside a virtual course for parents on executive functioning and a regular newsle…

10. 287: ENCORE: Best of Ask Lisa: Confidence, Self-Esteem & Self-Compassion

    1 september 2026 · 24 min

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    If you've ever wondered whether you're doing enough to help your child feel good about themselves, Dr. Lisa Damour has curated her most essential guidance on confidence, self-esteem & self-compassion into one episode for you. Lees meer

    This encore “Best of Ask Lisa” compilation offers a research-backed roadmap for raising kids with a solid sense of self-worth — and for parents who want to model that from the inside out. This episode also features conversations with three leading experts: Dr. Tovah Klein, Dr. Sue Varma, and Dr. Traci Baxley.

    💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

    - Why kids' confidence naturally dips at predictable points in development, and why those wobbles are not a sign that you've failed

    - Why self-esteem needs many "tributaries", and why kids who rely on a single source of self-worth are most vulnerable when that tributary runs dry

    - How confidence is built through doing hard things and being someone who can be counted on (and how to help kids get there without being pushed)

    - Why what you say about yourself in front of your kids shapes their inner voice more than almost anything you say directly to them

    - How tending to your own sense of worth will help you support your child's

    Your child is taking cues from how you talk to yourself, care for yourself, and recover from setbacks. This episode helps you put those cues to good use.

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    Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

    DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

    - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

    - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

    - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

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