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E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All)
13 november 2025 · 1 uur 2 min
This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers! Lees meer
You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call.
From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re tackling the everyday debates that drive couples just a little bit nuts.
💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:
The difference between boundaries and control especially when it comes to what your partner wears.
Why couples fight about tiny habits (like dishes or unpacking) and what those arguments really mean.
How to handle when one partner wants more privacy and the other wants full transparency.
What your “clean-up style” says about how you handle responsibility in bed and in life.
The psychology behind “small stuff” fights and how to stop them from snowballing.
Plus, the ultimate showdown on period sex, post-oral kissing, and who should drive. 😏
If you and your partner love to debate, this one’s for you — equal parts funny, spicy, and “oh my god, that’s us.”
Go deeper
Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper.
👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys
💞Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
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THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping ➡︎https://www.naturessunshine.com
👏Thanks Chewy. Send your pet’s w… -
E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives)
6 november 2025 · 58 min
Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life. Lees meer
We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all.
💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:
Why the “F*** First Rule” might be the simplest way to rekindle connection.
What the Bristle Reaction really means and how to retrain your body to want touch again.
How to figure out your desire type (and why that might finally solve your mismatched libido issue).
The sneaky reason your sex life might feel “meh” and how to make it worth craving again.
Honorable mentions like the First Pancake Rule, scheduling sex, and other hot takes we might just turn into full episodes soon. 👀
If you’ve ever thought, “Where do I even start?” when it comes to improving your sex life… start here.
Go deeper 💞
Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper.👉 Take the quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys
Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → instagram.com/vanessaandxander💌 Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 - Intro
04:05 F*ck First Rule
18:42 Bristle Reaction
26:03 We make out every night
32:42 Two Types of Desire
40:15 Emotional Physical Conundrum
50:00 Mushy Broccoli Problem
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THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOWTALKS to get up to 20% off.And if you …
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E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition
30 oktober 2025 · 1 uur 4 min
This week’s episode is a little spooky, a little silly, and a whole lot of sexy. Lees meer
Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a “Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or… maybe not).
From holding water in your mouth during a BJ to wrapping your partner up like a mummy to switching positions every 60 seconds like it’s a HIIT workout… nothing is off-limits in this one.
Some ideas are pure gold, some are questionable at best, and a few? Let’s just say they’re better left in the graveyard of “good intentions.”
💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:
The spookiest sex trends we’ve ever been dared to try
Which ones are worth a “smash” and which deserve a hard “pass”
Why experimentation keeps things exciting — even if it’s a total fail
How to decide what’s a hard pass vs. worth a try
Why laughter and curiosity are the sexiest ingredients of all
A few ideas that might just become your new Halloween tradition
If your sex life could use a little more fun (and a few more giggles), this one’s your invitation to play.
🔥 Ready to learn new moves that actually work?
Skip the spooky stuff and get straight to the good stuff inside The Ultimate Sex Guide, our fan-favorite resource that’ll help you feel confident, connected, and completely in control in the bedroom.You’ll get:
Expert-backed techniques for better pleasure (solo and together)
Real-life tips to improve communication and confidence
Step-by-step guides to explore what really turns you on
👉 Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide and unlock your hottest tricks yet! http://vmtherapy.com/ultimate
🎧 Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly emails with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and a few good laughs → http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherev…
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E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update)
23 oktober 2025 · 1 uur 18 min
We’ve always promised to keep things real with you — the good, the messy, and everything in between. Lees meer
And lately… life has been life-ing.
In this episode, we’re opening up about what’s been going on behind the scenes — especially with Vanessa’s dad’s health — and how we’ve been navigating this season both personally and as a couple.
We’ll talk about what’s next for our family, the emotional rollercoaster of managing grief while still finding moments of joy, and what it looks like to prioritize self-care, connection, and even intimacy when life feels really heavy.
💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:
An honest update on Vanessa’s dad’s health and how our family is handling it
The self-care practices helping me stay grounded (and sometimes just get through the day)
What’s been helping us stay connected as a couple during stressful times
The reality of sex and intimacy when you’re grieving or emotionally exhausted
Why joy still matters, even when things are hard
If you’re in a tough season too, this one’s for you. You’re not alone. 💛
🔥 Ready to feel more connected, supported, and understood in your relationship?
Inside Deeper, our membership for couples, we help you keep growing together — even when life gets complicated.
You’ll get access to expert-led guides, monthly live calls, and our favorite prompts and challenges to help you communicate, connect, and feel close again.
👉 Join Deeper today and start building the kind of relationship that can handle anything. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
🎧 Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly emails with behind-the-scenes stories, tips, and a few good laughs → http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods.
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THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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👏Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair and skin with Blissy and use PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. ➡︎https… -
E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without Overthinking It)
16 oktober 2025 · 1 uur 2 min
Let’s talk about oral. Lees meer
We’ve all had those moments where oral feels way more awkward than arousing. You’re lying there, overthinking everything: Do I smell weird? What do I do with my hands? Is my partner secretly counting down the seconds until it’s over?
Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone.
In this episode, we’re getting into the real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous reasons people struggle to fully relax and enjoy oral. We asked our community to spill their biggest insecurities, and let’s just say… you all delivered. From “I can’t stay present” to “I feel bad making him do it when I haven’t shaved,” nothing’s off-limits today.
We’ll break down what’s actually going on behind those thoughts, and share practical, shame-free ways to feel more confident, connected, and turned on.
💋 Here’s what we’re diving into:
The top 3 reasons people can’t relax during oral (and how to fix them).
Why it’s okay if you don’t orgasm every time — seriously.
How to ask for what you like without killing the vibe.
What to do when your brain won’t stop screaming, “am I doing this right?!”
And a few of our favorite “oral attitude adjustments.”
Part real talk, part sex-ed, and part pep talk from your favorite couple who’s been there, done that… and yes, talked about it on a podcast. If you’ve ever been stuck in your head, overthinking, or trying to do it “right”… listen in… because you deserve oral to feel good. Like really good. 😘
🔥 Wanna take this week’s episode to the next level?
Then it’s time to join The Ultimate Foreplay Experience. Our brand-new 4-week challenge that turns the Ultimate Foreplay Guides into a spicy, step-by-step adventure.
Each week, you’ll tackle a new theme — fingering, hand jobs, oral, and blow jobs — with flirty assignments, trackable checklists, and a “Heat Map” to rate your favorite moves.
It’s everything you need to turn “eh, same old routine” into “holy sht, that was incredible.”*
Get in on the challenge by grabbing the Ultimate Fo…
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E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes
9 oktober 2025 · 1 uur 6 min
Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories. Lees meer
So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for.
Get ready, because we’re tackling some of your biggest, wildest curiosities about sex, intimacy, and relationships.
💛 Here’s what we’re getting into:
Why some guys are so into swallowing (and what it really means).
When “lasting too long” in bed becomes its own problem.
How to tell your new partner about things you liked with an ex.
What to do when you can’t seem to drop a fetish.
Healing steps for survivors of sexual trauma who want a healthy sex life.
What happens when you both want the other person to initiate.
And that’s just the beginning — this episode is packed with your real questions and our no-BS answers.
🔗 Links & Resources
Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys
Treat your partner to the best foreplay they’ve ever had 👉🏻The Ultimate Foreplay Guides http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
Learn how to initiate with confidence 👉🏻The Art of Initiation https://vmtherapy.com/initiation
Unlock expert tools, our core course library, and more inside our membership 👉🏻 Deeper https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
🎧 Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander**
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and plenty of flirty fun.
Sign up here 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods.
Timestamps
00:00 – Intro
03:00 – Why are guys so into swallowing?
11:04 – My partner lasts too long in bed
22:47 – How do I bring up things an ex used to do to me with my partner?
30:54 – Scheduling sex feels awkwar…
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E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.)
2 oktober 2025 · 1 uur 6 min
You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight. Lees meer
One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking.
In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-forth and get our thoughts on what worked, what didn’t, and how to move these conversations toward connection instead of conflict.
💛 In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why so many couples end up fighting about sex over text (and why it almost never goes well).
Why text is the worst place to argue (and how to get out of the spiral).
The hidden emotional needs behind “yes” and “no.”
How to express hurt feelings without slipping into blame.
How to validate your partner without abandoning your own boundaries.
Communication tips that will help you feel heard and understood — even in the heat of the moment.
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a text fight with your partner, this one’s for you.
👉 Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys
🎧 Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ @vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and plenty of sex puns. Sign up here 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods.
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THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping ➡︎https://www.naturessunshine.com
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E227: Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right
25 september 2025 · 1 uur 1 min
Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up. Lees meer
Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life starts to feel easier, more connected, and a lot more exciting.
We’re back with a re-air of one of our most popular episodes ever, because initiation is one of the biggest challenges couples face.
💛 In this episode, you’ll learn:
The biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to initiation (and what to do instead).
Why one partner often feels all the pressure, and how to change it up and share the spark.
How to shift from frustration and rejection to connection and desire.
Practical strategies to make initiation feel exciting, flirty, fun, and hot again.
If you’ve ever felt frustrated, annoyed, or even rejected by your partner’s initiation attempts (or lack of them), this conversation will help you see both sides of the equation and give you totally do-able techniques you can try tonight.
🔥 $40 FLASH SALE : Art Of Initiation 🔥
We’re doing something we’ve never done before. For this weekend only, get our top-selling course, Art of Initiation, for just $40 (normally $89). That’s more than 50% off! Now through Sunday, September 28, 2025
Inside, you’ll learn how to initiate in ways that actually feel amazing for both of you. Trust us, it’s a total game-changer.
👉 Grab AOI here: vmtherapy.com/initiation and use code FLASH40 at checkout.
Links & Resources
👉 E73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode73
👉 What’s Your Sex Drive Type? Free Download: https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type
👉 E38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode38
👉 E183: How To Get More Emotional Intimacy From Your Partner https://vmtherapy.com/episode183
🎧 …
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E226: Foreplay Frustrations: How to Get More (and Better) Foreplay
18 september 2025 · 1 uur 5 min
Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience. Lees meer
No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.”
The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasure (especially since only 10–15% of women orgasm from intercourse alone).
💛 In this episode, we cover:
Does foreplay actually count as sex?
How to ask for more foreplay without hurting your partner’s feelings.
Types of foreplay beyond handjobs and BJs—like massage, sensory play, toys, and even “choreplay.”
What to do when one of you wants more foreplay and the other wants less.
How to talk about your fantasies without feeling awkward.
Tips for breaking out of a foreplay rut and keeping it playful.
What to do when your favorite turn-on is your partner’s turn-off.
And yes… whether it’s okay to not really be into foreplay at all.
Foreplay can (and should) be one of the most exciting and intimate parts of your sex life. And after this episode, you’ll have the tools to make it way more fun, connected, and satisfying for both of you.
✨ Want more foreplay inspiration?
Check out our Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Next level techniques and step-by-step instructions, let’s just say, these guides are our #1 best-seller for a reason!
Links & Resources
👉🏻 Get The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
👉🏻 A Survivor's Guide To Reclaiming Your Sex Life After Abuse here: https://vmtherapy.com/freebies
🎧 Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
⏰ Timestamps
00:00 – Intro
10:54…
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E225: The Truth About Sex and Aging: Menopause, Erectile Dysfunction, and Libido
11 september 2025 · 1 uur 4 min
Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope. Lees meer
This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging.
We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot.
💛 In this episode, we cover:
How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never)
What to do if your libido and your partner’s don’t line up anymore
Navigating perimenopause and helping your partner understand it’s not about them
Feeling sexy in a body that doesn’t look like it did at 20
How to manage vaginal dryness, erectile changes, and shifting anatomy
Creative ways to keep intimacy exciting even when it feels like you’ve “done it all”
And you’ll also hear sweet (and funny) messages from listeners who say that sex in midlife and beyond is actually the best sex they’ve ever had.
You’ll also hear some of our favorite messages from listeners in their 40s, 50s, 60s (and beyond!) about why sex actually gets freer, hotter, and more confident with age.
Because here’s the thing: aging is inevitable. But a boring sex life? That’s optional.
✨ Ready to spice things up at any age?
Our Ultimate Sex Guide is your roadmap to better intimacy. Inside, you’ll find:
42 step-by-step positions with illustrations, tips, and playful modifications
A workbook + printable cards to track your favorites (and keep things exciting)
Expert tips and troubleshooting for when sex doesn’t go as planned
An audio version so you can get quick, shame-free guidance anytime
Whether you’re looking for fresh inspiration or new ways to connect, The Ultimate Sex Guide will help you discover just how good sex can get!
Check it out here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate
Links & Resources
Get our sex positions playbook here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate
E215 Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode215
E121 When She Wants It More: N…
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E224: The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools
4 september 2025 · 1 uur 5 min
There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun. Lees meer
Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode.
We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in front of your in-laws, you are definitely not alone.
💛 Here’s what we’re diving into:
The best starter toy for women
How to talk to your partner about wanting to use toys (without hurting their feelings)
Whether orgasms feel different with a toy
Why it’s totally normal if toys aren’t your thing
Talking to men about male sex toys
Using toys solo vs. with a partner
How often to use toys (and why your partner should never “hand you off” to one)
The best ways to store your toys so kids or family don’t stumble across them
Hilarious (and mortifying) real-life mishaps from our listeners
If you’ve ever had questions about sex toys and tools or just want a good laugh at the stories we’ve collected — this one’s for you.
Resources & Links:
Our sex toy recommendations ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/recommended-products
Episode 172 How to Bring Toys Into the The Bedroom Without Making it Weird ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/episode172
❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Sex toys are just one way to keep things fun and connected in your relationship. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, you’ll get:Expert-led guides and courses on intimacy, pleasure, and communication
Two brand-new date night ideas every month (one cute, one sexy)
Monthly live calls with us where you can ask us your questions directly
Unlimited access to Vanessa AI — your 24/7 virtual sex + relationship coach
A private, supportive community of couples working on the same goals
Whether you’re …
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E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire
28 augustus 2025 · 1 uur 6 min
The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through. Lees meer
Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes.
And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected:
Resentment toward your partner
A crushing imbalance in the mental load
Feeling “touched out” 24/7
Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again
Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same
The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months
In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready
How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate
What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery
Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers
How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy
Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth
The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired
Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other.
👩👩👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to.
From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic.
A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn…
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E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy
21 augustus 2025 · 1 uur 10 min
Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage… Lees meer
Not for a real-life person.
But for their AI companion.
Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real.
In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships.
From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected (and sometimes unsettling) ways.
Whether you’re curious, skeptical, or straight-up concerned, this is a conversation every couple needs to have.
Here’s what we’re getting into:
The Reddit story that left us both speechless (yes, he wants a throuple with his AI girlfriend 😳)
Why saying “I don’t use AI” isn’t a real boundary anymore
The emotional intimacy trap: how AI companions are starting to meet very human needs
Why venting to AI can quietly erode real-life connection
The most important questions to ask your partner now about tech, boundaries, and connection
How to use AI intentionally to strengthen your relationship (not threaten it)
Real-life examples of how AI can either divide or deepen your bond
🔗 Links + Resources
How to Safeguard Your Relationship From AI
We made you a free guide to help you have the talk about AI and your relationship.Download it here now 👉🏻 https://free.vmtherapy.com/ai
💬 Want even more support?
Inside Deeper, our monthly membership, you get access to:Vanessa AI: a relationship-focused tool that’s trained NOT to cross boundaries
Our entire library of core courses + guides on intimacy, sex, and relationships
Monthly coaching calls with us and two date night ideas every month (one cute, one spicy 😉)
💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper
🎧 Stay connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex …
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E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more)
14 augustus 2025 · 1 uur 9 min
Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Lees meer
Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies.
From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight).
Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice.
Let’s get into it.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
- Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them)
- The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean
- The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both)
- Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner?
- What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s
- How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame)
- The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex)
- Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence🔗 Links & Resources
- Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53
- Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy
- Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach).
🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the co…
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E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm
7 augustus 2025 · 59 min
The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. Lees meer
In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar.
Here’s what we’re getting into:
Why women fake orgasms (and what to do about it)
What to say if your partner has never had one before
How to know if she’s really having an orgasm
The truth about female performance anxiety
Which positions are best for helping her O
How to help her experience multiple orgasms
G-spot orgasms and squirting: can you make them happen?
What to do while she’s orgasming (hint: don’t freeze!)
How to make it last longer + aftercare
🎓 Check out Finishing School™
💦 And if you haven’t heard, we’re also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Finishing School!
It’s our proven, step-by-step course that helps women finally experience reliable, pleasurable orgasms.
Whether you’ve never had one or you want to deepen your pleasure even more, this course will meet you exactly where you are.
Here’s what’s inside:
A full, technique-driven curriculum to teach you how to have as many orgasms as you want, whenever you want
The Pleasure Bundle: Ultimate Foreplay Guides + Ultimate Sex Guide
3 months unlimited access to Vanessa AI
2 LIVE Support Track Coaching Calls with us!
Lifetime access to go at your own pace
And a 30-day, pleasure-guaranteed, money-back promise
💛 It’s personal for me (Vanessa). I struggled with orgasm for years (even as a sex therapist) and this course is everything I wish I’d had.
👉🏻 Go to https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm to discover just how good it can get.
👉🏻 Access The Truth About Female Orgasm Replay https://free.vmtherapy.com/trut…
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E219: The Truth About Female Orgasm: Your Q’s Answered!
31 juli 2025 · 1 uur 4 min
You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.” Lees meer
But what if… you don’t know? 👀
This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen in movies — this episode is for you. 💦
We’re answering your most personal, vulnerable, and downright relatable questions like:
“How do I know if it was an orgasm ?”
“It felt good… but it was short — does that count?”
“Everyone says I’ll ‘just know’ but I’m still not sure. HELP.”
“I’ve only ever had ‘mini’ orgasms — is there something wrong with me?”
“What leg positions help or hurt the chance of orgasming?”
“Does a full bladder make orgasms feel stronger?”
“What does a vaginal orgasm even feel like and how do I know if I’ve had one?”
Vanessa also opens up about her own experience struggling with orgasm (yes, even as a sex therapist), what finally changed things, and the biggest myths that keep women stuck. And if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, broken, or like you missed the memo on pleasure… this episode will remind you that you’re not alone — and there is a path forward.
✨ PLUS: If you’re a woman who’s struggled with orgasm (or never had one), check out our course Finishing School — the step-by-step system that’s helped thousands of women finally get there. Visit vmtherapy.com/orgasm to learn more.
💛 What You'll Hear:
The most common signs of orgasm (and why they can look different for every body)
Real questions from listeners who aren’t sure if they’ve had one yet
Why some orgasms feel big and some feel… meh
The orgasm “standard” we’ve all been sold by Hollywood
Practical tips for recognizing and expanding your pleasure
How Vanessa’s own orgasm journey inspired her to create Finishing School
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow…
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E218 Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It pt. 2
24 juli 2025 · 1 uur 3 min
You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend. Lees meer
Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything.
Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is.
These icks go way beyond open-mouth chewing.
We’re talking postpartum rage, peeing with the door open (or worse… the sound), and the surprisingly common hygiene habits that leave you wondering if love really can survive it all.
💛 Here’s what we’re serving up for you:
The hygiene ick that made one woman reconsider everything
Why flopping a penis around is not a valid form of initiation (seriously, stop)
Oral after sex: hot or gross?
Postpartum icks that no one warns you about
Peeing, poor aim, and other bathroom-related turn-offs
The financial icks that hit harder than expected
🎧 Basically, if you’ve ever looked at your partner and thought “ew”… this one’s for you. ‘Cause you know what? Sometimes laughing really is the best medicine.
🔗 Links & Resources
EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46
EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198
❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way.
Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community.
Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much.
👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 …
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E217: Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It
17 juli 2025 · 1 uur 6 min
You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe. Lees meer
You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?!
This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮
We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stops being not cute to when dirty texts majorly backfire.
Whether you’re currently dry heaving on the inside… or worrying that you’re the one giving them the ick… this episode is full of perspective, permission, and practical advice.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
The real definition of an ick (and how it’s different from a red flag)
What to do when your partner’s behavior starts killing your attraction
The most common icks (bad breath, loud chewing, weird toenail habits…)
Your funniest icks from Instagram (you did NOT hold back)
🎧 And don’t worry—we’ve got even more ick stories and questions coming next week in Part 2.
🔗 Links & Resources:
EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46
EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198
❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way.
Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community.
Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much.
👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.
Si…
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E216: The Truth About Being Passive In Bed: And How To Take Control
10 juli 2025 · 56 min
Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits. Lees meer
You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do.
If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone.
In today’s episode, we’re asking the question: Are you letting sx happen to you… or are you a active participant during it?
We’re also talking about this from a male perspective: What does it feel like to be the only one initiating or guiding? Do men want their partners more engaged—and what does that even look like?
Whether you’ve never taken the lead before, or you’re just looking to feel more empowered and participatory, this episode is your permission slip—and your how-to guide.
Let’s get into it.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
Why so many women default to passivity in the bedroom
What men actually think about women taking the lead
Questions to ask your partner to open up this convo
What “taking control” can look like—without the pressure
Simple ways to be more confident and engaged in the moment
🔗 Links & Resources
🔥 The Art of Initiation — our most-loved guide for learning how to confidently initiate intimacy → http://vmtherapy.com/initiation
✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → vmtherapy.com/deeper
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.
Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
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E215: Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire
3 juli 2025 · 56 min
Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex? Lees meer
One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely.
But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex.
In today’s episode, we’re breaking down one of the most important tools we’ve ever shared: the two sex drive types.
If you’ve ever felt like your desire is broken—or that your partner just doesn’t “get” you—this conversation is about to change everything.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
The real difference between mental desire and physical arousal
What it means to be a Spontaneous vs. Responsive type
Why you’re not low desire… you just need a different kind of start
How to navigate mismatched sex drives without resentment
Why your type has nothing to do with gender (but the stats may surprise you)
How to initiate sex in a way that works for both of you
You’ll also hear a game-changing mindset shift that can help you stop taking it personally—and start working with your differences instead of against them.
Links & Resources
✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → https://vmtherapy.com/touch
✨ What’s your sex drive type?→ https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
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E214: The Truth About Being Touch-Starved (Even In A Happy Relationship)
27 juni 2025 · 55 min
This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Lees meer
Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust.
But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked our audience, and:
47% said they want more touch
37% said they want better touch
In this episode, we’re breaking down why touch is so essential — and why so many couples stop doing it. (Spoiler: it's not just about sex.) Plus, we’re giving you practical tools and one super simple free exercise (takes 5 minutes) to start reconnecting through touch today.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
The emotional and physical benefits of touch (for both of you)
Why “touch starvation” is real — even in long-term relationships
The surprising ways you may be unintentionally avoiding touch
The difference between sexual and non-sexual touch — and why both matter
What to do if your partner says “touch just isn’t my love language”
Quick, everyday ways to bring more affection into your relationship (no grand gestures required)
✨ Ready to explore all the ways to touch?
We created The Secret Touch Blueprint to help you and your partner reflect on what kinds of touch feel best to you — and how to talk about it together.
Grab it here → https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint
And if doing that exercise leaves you thinking, “Wait… I want more of this,” you’ll love what’s coming next.
This July, we’re launching a 4-week Sensual Touch Challenge exclusively inside our Deeper membership.
It’ll walk you through 8 specific types of touch — from relaxing to arousing — with fun prompts, step-by-step videos, and guided exercises to try with your partner.
It’s designed to bring back the playfulness, the exploration, and the kind of touch that makes you feel again.
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E213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!)
21 juni 2025 · 1 uur 6 min
Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠 Lees meer
We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men.
This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal.
🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into:
What are men actually looking at during doggy style?
What do they think when they see a woman who’s prettier than their partner?
Is it true they can literally… think about nothing?
How do they feel about things like…
Women aging, messy buns, leg hair, and more
How do they stay so chill about daily life stuff (kid schedules, groceries, appointments)?
What really keeps them engaged in a relationship?
This one is honest, funny, and surprisingly vulnerable. And of course, Xander’s not holding back.
🔗 Links & Resources:
🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 1 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode56
🎧 What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 2 ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode69
❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach).
🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander**
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.
Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
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E212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction”
12 juni 2025 · 1 uur 18 min
Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en) Lees meer
The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think.
We asked our Instagram audience, and a whopping 84% said they’ve experienced this reaction. But the question we keep hearing is: “How do we fix it?”
In this episode, we break down:
The 3 biggest reasons The Bristle Reaction happens
6 actionable ways to start enjoying your partner’s touch again
Why this topic hits so close to home for so many couples
If physical affection has started to feel complicated or triggering, this episode will give you clarity, tools, and hope.
🔗 Links & Resources:
📘 Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life
📝 Initiation 101 Guide ➡️ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-212&utm_term=podcast-212
❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach).
🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
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THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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E211: Ask A Sex Therapist: Penis Pumps, Pegging, + Postpartum Sex
5 juni 2025 · 1 uur 9 min
Ask a sex therapist is back! Lees meer
Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵
In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between.
Here’s what we’re diving into:
Is it weird if my partner and I don’t kiss during sex? (Pretty Woman, anyone?)
What exactly is pegging?
Is it normal for other things to be “better than sex”?
Can using a penis pump have consequences?
Should you get a vasectomy? (Xander’s in the club!)
Postpartum sex — what are men really thinking?
Can responsive/spontaneous desire be taught? Like can you switch your type?
❤️ Ready to go deeper?
Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach).🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
Resources Mentioned:
Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
Ultimate Sex Guides 👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-sex-guide?ref=podcast-211&utm_term=podcast-211
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.
Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
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E210: How To Know When Enough Is Enough
29 mei 2025 · 1 uur 7 min
Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood… Lees meer
Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected…
This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship?
Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal.
We’re walking through real stories submitted by our audience and sharing tools to help you:
Tune into your own boundaries.
Get clear on what’s worth working through.
Speak your truth without blowing things up.
The difference between patience and people-pleasing.
When to accept a quirk vs. when to draw a hard line.
How to handle dead bedrooms, defensiveness, and money fights.
What to do if your partner’s gross habits are killing your vibe.
The truth about “sticking it out” vs. knowing when you’ve had enough.
🎧 Whether you're questioning the little things (like nose-picking 😬) or the big things (like being completely ignored emotionally or sexually), this episode is here to help you figure out your next move.
Ready to go Deeper with us?
Inside our Deeper membership, you’ll get access to our full library of expert-created resources, including the guides, courses, and coaching tools we wish every couple had. PLUS — instant answers to your most intimate questions via Vanessa AI, your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach (and new bestie).
🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
🔥Treat your partner to the best f0repl@y they’ve ever had with The Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
🎧 Stay connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherap…
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E209: Mental Load: The #1 Desire Killer
22 mei 2025 · 1 uur 4 min
Does sex feel like a chore to you? Lees meer
According to 86% of our audience? Yes.
Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list.
But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all.
Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the weight of every single thing it takes to adult…
It’s not that sex is a chore: it’s that chores are sabotaging your sex life!
In this episode, we’re breaking down how mental load affects desire, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction (spoiler alert: a lot more than you think).
And of course, we’re sharing practical tools to help lighten the load and bring the connection back.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
What mental load actually is
Why resentment and “keeping score” kill intimacy
What happens when your partner starts to feel more like your kid than your teammate
How to have more conversations about sharing the load
What you can do today to start shifting the dynamic
Whether you’re feeling unseen, exhausted, or just plain over it—this episode is here to help you feel more supported, connected, and so much less alone.
⏰ Last chance to snag 2 of our most supportive tools in the shop! ⏰
The Mental Load Workbook and Your Best Week Ever are officially retiring on May 25th. These are the last few days to grab these super affordable and potentially life-changing products.
We designed them to help you:
Rebalance the invisible labor in your relationship
Get on the same page with your partner (without nagging or blowing up)
Reconnect emotionally and physically—even when life is busy
These are the strategies that helped us transform our own dynamic — and we want that for you too!
🗓 Sunday, May 25th is the final day to buy them a la carte.
🧠 Mental Load Workbook: 👉🏻 https://shop.vmtherapy.com/mental-load-workbook?ref=snst25-podca…
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E208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix
15 mei 2025 · 1 uur 1 min
In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected. Lees meer
No grand gestures. No impossible checklists.
Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically.
Here’s what we’re covering:
The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩
How we define “realistic” connection (especially if you’ve got zero bandwidth)
A step-by-step, week-by-week game plan you can follow
Specific daily, midweek, and weekend actions to help you reconnect
Why it’s okay to not feel fireworks right away — and what to focus on instead
A challenge to get started right now 👀
Whether you’ve been together 2 years or 20, this plan can help you feel like a team again — without adding more stress to your plate.
LINKS & RESOURCES
📝 4-Week Relationship Reset PDF — Your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset
👋 The Art of Initiation — your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-208&utm_term=-podcast-208
💖 Deeper Membership — full access to our relationship toolkit, core courses, live monthly sessions, and more ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
✅ Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide — a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!) ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide
STAY CONNECTED
📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here!
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
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THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
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E207 The Foreplay Episode: The 5 Things We’re All Getting Wrong
8 mei 2025 · 1 uur 8 min
Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy? Lees meer
We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here).
Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. But here’s the truth: foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not just a warm-up. It’s the whole damn vibe.
In this episode, we’re breaking down the 5 biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to foreplay — and how to turn things around so it actually feels good (for both of you).
Here’s what we’re diving into:
Why “just get to the point” is killing the vibe
What makes receiving foreplay so hard (especially for women — hi, it’s not your fault)
The most common foreplay ruts we all fall into
How to make foreplay fun again — not forced, awkward, or performative
A mindset shift that will change how you think about sex forever
Whether you’re feeling stuck, unsure what your partner wants, or just ready for a heck of a lot more pleasure… this episode is your permission slip.
Links & Resources:
🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides?ref=podcast-207&utm_term=podcast-207
Stay Connected:
📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here!
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
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👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks
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E206: Butt Stuff 101: Everything You’re Too Afraid To Ask
1 mei 2025 · 1 uur 1 min
We’re bringing back a fan favorite this week… and yep, we’re going there. Lees meer
Butt stuff. 🍑
Back in 2021, we dropped an episode all about backdoor play, and it quickly became one of our most popular episodes of all time. With over 200 Pillow Talks episodes under our belts now, we figured it was time to make it a little easier to find the gems — so for the first time ever, we’re re-airing one of our top episodes.
Whether you’re a little butt-curious or already a full-blown booty enthusiast, there’s something in this one for you. Because here’s the deal:
👉 72% of our Instagram fam said they were intimidated by anal play.
👉 But 67% also said they were curious about trying it.
That means even if you’re nervous… you’re still open. And we love that.
In this episode, we cover:
Why butt stuff might be worth a try (even if you’re scared)
The biggest myths and misconceptions (hint: it’s not just anal sex)
How to keep things safe, hygienic, and pain-free
Why more straight men are embracing the backdoor (and loving it)
Your most vulnerable Qs — from hairy buttholes to hemorrhoids to the “what if vaginal sex doesn’t feel like enough after?” convo
Oh — and if you’ve listened before? It’s still worth a re-listen. You might hear something new, have a totally different take four years later, or finally feel ready to give it a try. 😉
Last call for two spicy fan favorites 🔥
We just launched our brand-new membership, **Deeper** — which gives you instant access to all of our core courses, monthly double dates with us, VanessaAI, and more. With that, we’re officially retiring a few of our a la carte guides—including two of our best sellers:
👉 Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)
👉 Dirty Talk 101 (only available inside of DEEPER)
🍑 What's so great about butt stuff? (Our FREE Guide)
Stay Connected
💌 Get our best tips, stories, and sex & relationship advice: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🛋️ Come hang with us on Instagram
🎧 Subscribe & review — New episodes dro…
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E205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You Want
24 april 2025 · 56 min
We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges. Lees meer
From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
“Is this it?”
“Why don’t I want sex more?”
“How do I even bring this up with my partner?”
You’re not alone — and this episode is for you.
We’re walking through these submissions with curiosity, compassion, and practical tools to help these couples — and you — feel more connected, more confident, and more turned on by your sex life again.
💬 What we’re going deep on:
- When your sex life is fine but also kind of meh
- Why you might not know what you want and how to figure it out
- How to handle performance anxiety (without hurting anyone’s feelings)
- What to do if you’ve never had an orgasm (you’re not broken!)
- When your partner wants sex every day and you’d rather do anything else
- How to stop making sex feel like just another to-do🔥 Resources mentioned in this episode:
💖 Deeper Membership - https://vmtherapy.com/deeper
Our affordable, all-access monthly membership packed with expert-led courses, playful date night ideas, live coaching calls, and Vanessa AI — your on-demand sex therapist bestie.💋 Ultimate Foreplay Guides - https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
Whether you’re craving more excitement or just want a refresher on what actually feels good — these guides make foreplay easier, hotter, and way more fun for both of you.🌸 Finishing School - https://vmtherapy.com/finishing-school?ref=podcast&utm_term=podcast
Never had an orgasm? Not sure where to start? This course helps you overcome the emotional and physical blocks that might be getting in the way of pleasure.💦 How to Have Your First Orgasm (Free Guide) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/best-orgasm
A ge… -
E204: Confessions Of An Overactive Bladder
17 april 2025 · 56 min
If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you. Lees meer
Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped.
We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems — and 62% of women said yes. So if you’re in that group, or just curious to hear a side of health and intimacy we’ve never talked about before, tune in. This episode might just be a game changer for you.
Here’s a peek at what we cover:
That awkward moment when you realize… something’s off
The role of pelvic floor physical therapy (and who V followed to learn more)
Bad habits no one tells you are actually bad
The urologist visit from hell (you won’t believe what they said)
How Vanessa trained her bladder like a dog (yes, really)
Small changes that made a HUGE difference — and why Vanessa finally sleeps through the night
Disclaimer: This episode is based on personal experience and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your doctor about your individual health needs.
Links & resources in the episode:
Expecting and Empowered
The Vagina Whisperer
👉 Ready to level up your skills in (and out of) the bedroom?
Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide for sex therapist-backed tips that’ll have you saying “oh my GOD… I didn’t know it could be this good?” — or get that AND everything we offer inside Deeper, our super affordable membership packed with steamy tools, date night ideas, live coaching, and more. Think of it as your all-access pass to better sex, connection that lasts, and WAY more fun together!Stay connected:
💌 Get our best tips and resources straight to your inbox: vmtherapy.com/subscribe
📸 Follow us on Instagram: @vanessaandxander
🎧 Never miss an episode — make sure to follow Pillow Talks wherever you listen to podcasts… -
E203: Is This Cheating? Part 2
10 april 2025 · 1 uur 9 min
Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch? Lees meer
What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex?
A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀
This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?”
And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD.
Here’s what we’re dishing on in this episode:
Is emotional intimacy outside your relationship OK?
When fantasies, DMs, or even Reddit lurking crosses the line.
Are AI-generated nudes of your partner’s family the point of no return?
Why intention and secrecy matter more than the act itself.
The emotional toll “nothing happened” takes on a relationship.
The difference between curiosity and disrespect when exploring sexually.
No matter how you define cheating, one thing’s clear: these kinds of conversations are hard, and they don’t get easier without the right tools.
Join the Deeper membership
Want hotter sex, deeper convos, and fewer fights? For less than the cost of a date night, get on-demand access to our expert-led courses, live sessions with us, and interactive tools designed to fit into your busy life.
Start your journey inside Deeper here.Links & Resources
🔥 The Art Of Initiation
🤖 Meet Vanessa AI (included with Deeper membership)Stay Connected
📩 Join our email list — vmtherapy.com/subscribe
📲 Follow us on Instagram — @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy.
🎧 Subscribe & Review — New episodes drop every Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love.=================================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
=================================
👏Thanks Dipsea. Right now, listeners of this show can get a 30-day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow
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E202: Am I being defensive, or am I defending myself?
3 april 2025 · 55 min
We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself? Lees meer
This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from you.
From sex drive mismatches to mental load meltdowns, parenting disagreements to pasta-water disputes (yep, really), these stories highlight how easy it is to get caught in the cycle of feeling blamed, getting reactive, and shutting down.
But we’re also sharing tips to break out of that cycle — with more compassion, more understanding, and way fewer spirals.
What You’ll Hear In This Episode:
✅ What defensiveness actually looks like (and why it shows up so fast)
✅ The difference between explaining yourself and shutting down
✅ Real-life listener stories around parenting, mental load, and misunderstandings
✅ What it really means to validate your partner (without agreeing)
✅ How to talk to your partner without triggering defensiveness
✅Practical ways to pause, reflect, and repair (without spiraling)Links & Resources:
Check out DEEPER — our new membership with full access to VanessaAI, monthly date night ideas, live calls with us, and more
Grab The Ultimate Foreplay Guides to level-up your pleasure skills
Follow us on Instagram for more relationship tips and convos
Want us to cover your story next? Keep an eye on our IG Stories for callouts
Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: vmtherapy.com/subscribe
=================================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
=================================
👏Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows
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E201: Couples Coaching Session: They Love Each Other… So Why Does Their Sex Life Feel Stuck?
27 maart 2025 · 1 uur 4 min
🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode! Lees meer
Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is.
In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them from a more connected, fulfilling sex life.
We break down:
💬 When one partner feels standoffish about sex – What’s really behind the hesitation?
⚖️ Balancing work, kids & intimacy – Why stress kills desire (and what to do about it).
🔄 Breaking out of a relationship rut – Feeling stuck? Here’s how to start making real changes.
🔥 What happens when the woman has the higher sex drive – And how to navigate it without resentment.
✨ How to actually change your sex life – Small, doable steps that make a big difference.If you’ve ever felt like you and your partner keep missing each other when it comes to intimacy — this episode is for you.
And stick around until the end because we have a special announcement you won’t want to miss!
Links & Resources
💖 Join Deeper – our new relationship membership!
Want more expert-backed support for your love life? Get access to our entire library of courses and guides, exclusive monthly live events with us, and Vanessa AI — your personal, on-demand relationship coach. 👉 vmtherapy.com/deeper🔑 Take The Intimacy Quiz: Your Key To Love That Lasts
Not sure where to start? Take our quiz to find out exactly what your relationship needs most right now. 👉 vmtherapy.com/5keysStay Connected
📩 Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates:https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe.
📲 Follow us on Instagram – @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy.
🎧 Subscribe & review – New episodes drop every Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review—it helps us keep creating content you love.
==========…
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E200: 200 Episodes Later: Let’s Get Personal! (Ask Us Anything)
20 maart 2025 · 1 uur 15 min
🎉 We made it to 200 episodes! 🎉 Lees meer
It’s wild to think about how far this podcast has come. There’s one thing we know for sure… we couldn’t have come this far without YOU. That’s why for this very special episode, we decided to celebrate by letting you ask us…
…absolutely ANYTHING.
And you didn’t disappoint.
From personal confessions to relationship deep dives to behind-the-scenes business secrets, no topic was off-limits.
Tune in for an unfiltered, hilarious, and heartfelt conversation where we tackle:
💬 Personal Qs – Would Vanessa ever let Xander shave his beard?
❤️ Relationship Qs – Are we still in couples therapy?
💼 Business Qs – Have we ever recorded a podcast while totally annoyed with each other?And SO much more! Stick around to the end because we’re teasing something big we’ve been working on behind the scenes… you’re going to want to be on our email list for this one. 👀
Links & Resources:
🔑 Take The Intimacy Quiz: Your Key To Love That Lasts – Find out exactly what your relationship needs most right now and get personalized guidance to start making real changes today! 👉 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys
🏆 March Matchups: The Ultimate Bedroom Bracket – Cast your votes as we put 8 bedroom positions head-to-head, and help us pick the winning position for a brand-new free step-by-step guide! Follow along on Instagram @vanessaandxander and make sure you’re on our email list to get the final results!Stay Connected:
📩 Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
📲 Follow us on Instagram – @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy.
🎧 Subscribe & Review – New episodes drop every Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love.==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-r… -
E199: Am I The Asshole? Masturbation, Snooping, and Jealousy
13 maart 2025 · 1 uur 2 min
We’re back with a fan-favorite series—Am I The Asshole? 🎉 You know we love diving into the wildest relationship dilemmas, and today’s lineup is extra spicy. Lees meer
We’re tackling situations that might hit way too close to home, like:
🚨 Masturbating - do you have to tell your partner every time?
🚨 Journaling about a past relationship—cheating or harmless?
🚨 Going through a partner’s phone (they found what?? 👀)
🚨 A partner picking up an annoying new voice… and refusing to drop it
Sounds messy, right? We’re breaking it ALL down, sharing our takes on who’s the asshole, and of course—we want to hear yours too!
Get ready to laugh, cringe, and maybe rethink your own opinions on these situations!
🎧 Want More AITA?
If you love these episodes, don’t miss our past Am I The Asshole? deep dives:
🎧 EP 187, EP 155, EP 135, EP 125
📲 Stay Connected with Us!
💌 Join our email list for exclusive BTS + first access to everything we create
📸 Follow us on Instagram and tell us—who do YOU think is the asshole in these stories?
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube to watch this episode & more
💖 Links & Resources – Take Your Intimacy to the Next Level
💋 Give your partner the best foreplay they’ve ever had! → Ultimate Foreplay Guides
Transform your sex life with expert-backed techniques designed to maximize pleasure for both of you.
📖 Want to talk about sex in a way that actually works? → Sex Talks: The NYT Best-Selling Book
Discover the 5 key conversations that will unlock deeper connection, better communication, and hotter intimacy in your relationship.
Which one are you diving into first? Let us know! 💬
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏 Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code **PILLOW** ➡︎ https://oneskin.co.
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E198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex (Initiation Fixes You Need to Know)
6 maart 2025 · 55 min
Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating—but let’s be real… for most couples, it’s anything but smooth. Lees meer
Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help!
We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship.
That means a lot of us are struggling with:
🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the other never does
🚨 Getting caught off guard and feeling pressured to have sex in the moment
🚨 Waiting until the end of the night, when you're both exhausted
🚨 Using "lazy" or unsexy initiation attempts (boob honks, anyone?)
🚨 Feeling like your partner only flirts when they want somethingSound familiar? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re breaking down the most common mistakes couples make when initiating sex.
===============================
🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
===============================
✅ The #1 reason why most couples struggle with initiation
✅ Why timing matters just as much as how you initiate
✅ The major mistake that makes sex feel like a pop quiz—and what to do instead
✅ What to say (and what not to say) when initiating sex
✅ How to make your partner feel wanted instead of pressuredAnd of course, we’re sharing our top tool to completely transform the way you initiate—so you and your partner can experience more connection, better intimacy, and yes… way more satisfying sex!
==========================
🔗 Links & Resources:
==========================
👋 Art of Initiation – Get $20 Off Until March 9 → https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation-special?ref=podcast-198&utm_term=podcast-198📚 Other Resources Mentioned:
✨ Figure out your initiation style—so you and your partner can find what actually works for you → https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide
✨ Foreplay Guides, Ultimate Sex Guide, & More! → https://vmtherapy.co… -
E197: Ask A Sex Therapist - Resentment, Sexual Frustration, And The Death Grip
27 februari 2025 · 1 uur 5 min
Ever wish you had a sex therapist on speed dial? We get so many questions every week (because you guys are THE BEST) that we just can’t get to them all—so today, we’re dedicating an entire episode to answering your biggest intimacy and relationship dilemmas. Lees meer
From navigating mismatched libidos to handling awkward bedroom moments, we’re here to break it all down with practical, shame-free advice.
In This Episode, We Cover:
💬 How to address it when your partner gropes you in their sleep
🧼 Balancing household chores with a partner who wants affection right now
😩 What to do if your partner struggles with death grip
😔 Bouncing back after a disappointing sexual experience
😤 Is “sexual frustration” really a thing?
🔄 How to stop being defensive in your marriage🚨 NEW FREE Guide! 🚨
Ever struggle with how to start intimacy? We joke a lot about bad initiation styles (hello, awkward boob grabs) but we want to help you find what actually works. That’s why we created a brand-new FREE guide to help you figure out your initiation style—so you and your partner can create a spark your way.✨ Download it for FREE here: vmtherapy.com/styles
🔗 Links & Resources:
✨ Listen to EPISODE 158: Maybe It’s Not Low Libido… https://vmtherapy.com/episode158
✨ Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197
✨ Treat Your Partner to the Best F0repl@y they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197
✨ Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197
✨ Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off.
✨ Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
✨ Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Good… -
E196: 90 Prompts to Transform Your Sex Life (We Answer Some Live!)
20 februari 2025 · 1 uur 1 min
🔥 Let’s talk about sex—but let’s make it fun, flirty, and way less awkward. In this episode, we’re telling you about 90 spicy prompts designed to get you talking, laughing, and maybe even blushing with your partner. Lees meer
We’ll be pulling cards from our brand-spankin-new Sex Talks Card Deck and answering them live, sharing our hottest takes, and reading some intriguing responses from our Instagram community.
Some of these questions will have you reminiscing, some will have you dreaming up new adventures, and others might just be the push you need to turn up the heat in your love life!
In this episode, we explore:
✔️ Why talking about sex is the key to having more (and better) sex
✔️ The five essential conversations that will take your intimacy to the next level
✔️ Real, unfiltered responses from our listeners on what turns them on
✔️ Our own candid answers to some of most revealing prompts📩 Love what you hear? Leave us a review and tell us which prompt got you hot and bothered! 🔥
💫 Ready to take your conversations to the next level? Grab your own Sex Talks Card Deck now at sextalksbook.com and start exploring with your partner!
---------------------------------
🔗 Links & Resources:
---------------------------------
💫 Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196
💫 Treat Your Partner to the best foreplay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196
💫 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196---------------------------
Connect with us! 👋
---------------------------
Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Watch Us on YouTube ➡︎ https://www.youtube.com/c/VanessaMarin
Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices -
E195: Giddyup, Cowgirl! Tips, Tricks, & Techniques For Maximum Pleasure
13 februari 2025 · 1 uur 6 min
Cowgirl is one of the most empowering positions in the bedroom—so why do so many of us avoid it? 🤠 If you’ve ever felt awkward, unsure, or just plain tired when trying Cowgirl, this episode is for you! Lees meer
We’re breaking down everything you need to know to master this position with confidence—from why it’s one of the best for pleasure to how to move in a way that feels amazing (and doesn’t leave your thighs burning after 30 seconds).
Get ready for expert-backed tips, tricks, and techniques that’ll help you feel like a total badass on top.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✅ Why Cowgirl is the #1 position for female pleasure
✅ How to actually move (hint: forget what you’ve seen in porn)
✅ Confidence-boosting tricks if you feel awkward or self-conscious
✅ How to last longer without getting tired
✅ Fun variations like Captain Morgan Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, and more
✅ How to transition in and out of the position seamlesslyIf you've ever wanted to feel sexy, confident, and in control while on top, this episode is a must-listen!
Links & Resources:
Ready to stop settling for ‘good enough’? ➡︎ http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195
Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195
Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195Connect with us! 👋
Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribeThanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co.
Thanks Cure. Stay hydrated and feel your best! Visit curehydration.com/PILLOW to get 20% off your first order.
Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% … -
E194: What Your Partner Wishes You’d Stop Doing In The Bedroom Part 2
6 februari 2025 · 1 uur 13 min
Have you ever wondered if there’s something you do in the bedroom that your partner secretly (or not-so-secretly) wishes you’d stop doing? Well, you’re not alone. Lees meer
A while back, we asked our audience this very question, and the responses came flooding in. So many, in fact, that we had to bring this topic back for Part 2!
In today’s episode, we’re diving into the most common complaints from partners about what they wish their significant other would stop doing in the bedroom. We’re covering everything from awkward communication habits to frustrating foreplay, plus some surprising grievances about kissing, initiation, and even what happens after the fun is over.
And don’t worry—this isn’t just about calling out the bad. We’re also giving you practical tips on how to improve your sex life by doing more of what your partner actually loves.
What We’re Covering in This Episode:
💬 Communication blunders
💋 Kissing complaints
🔥 Initiation mistakes
💨 Foreplay fumbles
🍑 Intercourse issues
❌ Anal annoyances
💦 Finishing & aftercare faux pas
This episode is all about getting real and helping you and your partner have a more satisfying, connected, and frustration-free sex life.🎧 Listen now and find out if you’re guilty of any of these common mistakes!
Links & Resources:
Ready to stop settling for ‘good enough’? ➡︎ http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194
Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194
Connect with us! 👋
Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribeThanks Remi. Head to shopremi.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW to save up to 50%.
Thanks… -
E193: The Things We Can’t Say In The Comments
30 januari 2025 · 1 uur 8 min
Ever wonder what we really want to say when someone leaves a spicy comment on one of our social media posts? Well, you’re in for a treat. Lees meer
Social media has been an incredible way to connect with our community, share free resources, and help couples build their best relationships. But putting ourselves out there also means we encounter some… interesting feedback.
In this episode, we’re diving into the comment sections of our most viral posts. From debates about quickie intimacy to whether or not you should “fuck first,” we’re breaking down the conversations, sharing what we wish we could’ve said, and offering our advice to help you create a happier, healthier love life—trolls not included.
Links & Resources:
Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193
Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193
Connect with us! 👋
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E192: “Is This Normal?” Part 4 — Low Desire Husband, Never Had A Fight, & Baby Talk
23 januari 2025 · 51 min
We’re diving into part 4 of one of our favorite series, “Is This Normal?” Lees meer
We’ll be exploring topics like: Is it normal for my husband to have absolutely no sex drive? Is it normal to never have fought? Is it normal for my partner to talk in a baby voice and for it to turn me off? And even more of your questions!
This episode is packed with real talk, judgment-free advice, and practical tips to help you navigate these tricky (and sometimes awkward!) situations.
Links & Resources:
Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Treat Your Partner to the Best Foreplay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188Connect with us! 👋
Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribeThanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off.
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E191: Breaking Free From Purity Culture And Religious Shame
16 januari 2025 · 1 uur 8 min
If you were raised in Purity Culture, you already know how challenging it can be to overcome now that you’re an adult. You spent years being taught that it’s important for you to be wholesome, that pleasure is sinful, and that there are very specific rules you need to follow.
In this episode, we’re sharing stories from people who were raised in Purity Culture, and giving you step-by-step tips for overcoming shame. Lees meerLinks and Resources:
Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191
Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191Connect with us! 👋
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Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
This episode is brought to you by…
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E190: Am I Being Reasonable Or Ridiculous?
9 januari 2025 · 57 min
Have you ever wanted something from your partner, but found yourself wondering, “Am I asking too much?” Or has your partner ever asked you for something that didn’t feel reasonable to you? Lees meer
We asked our community to share some of their questionable relationship requests, and the responses were fascinating! Tune in as we break down the line between what’s reasonable, what’s ridiculous, and what’s simply part of being in a relationship.
Links & Resources:
Your Best Week Ever is designed to give the maximum impact for minimum effort. ****Ready to reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190
Connect with us! 👋
Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
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E189: Can We Have A Fresh Start? Or Is It Too Late?
2 januari 2025 · 54 min
It’s officially 2025 and you might be feeling like your relationship could use a fresh start.
We asked our Instagram audience if they’ve ever wished for a fresh start in their relationship—and the responses came pouring in! We’re reading through your submissions, sharing our thoughts, and offering practical advice for anyone looking to refresh their connection with their partner.
Whether you’re dealing with intimacy, post-pregnancy, or even income issues, we’ve got you covered with tips to help you and your partner move forward and rekindle that spark.
Links & Resources:
Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
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E188: Is Your Ultimatum Going To Work?
26 december 2024 · 47 min
We were feeling inspired… The Ultimatum is back on Netflix, and it was wild. It left us wondering if our own audience has ever given (or been given) a relationship ultimatum, so we asked!
In this episode, we’re breaking down your ultimatums and sharing our opinions and advice. If you’ve ever considered giving an ultimatum - or if you’re just curious about the ones other people have issued - this is a must-listen!
Links & Resources:
Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188
Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
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Episode 187: Am I The Asshole? The Holiday Edition Part 2
19 december 2024 · 1 uur 8 min
Tis the Season for DRAMA!
We’re so excited to bring you another hilarious “Am I The Asshole?” episode this week. In the theme of the season, we’re doing another holiday edition.
We’re talking about affairs, secret Santa mishaps, and a disastrous salmon situation. Get ready to grab your coziest blanket and cup of cocoa for this new episode of one of our favorite series! Lees meerLinks & Resources:
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Follow us on InstagramIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
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Episode 186: Period Sex, Internal Vs External Processors, & Queer In A Straight Relationship
12 december 2024 · 59 min
There are a ton of topics we want to cover on this podcast, but sometimes we just don’t have enough material to make a full hour-long episode for each one. So we’re trying something new to give you our hottest takes and tips… a multi-topic episode!
Today we’re talking about being non-hetero in a male-female relationship, period sex, and internal versus external processors. Think of this episode like a podcast tossed salad and get ready to dive in. Lees meerLinks & Resources:
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Episode 185: How To Navigate Porn In Your Relationship
5 december 2024 · 57 min
Today we’re tackling one of the trickiest and most controversial topics we get asked about - porn.
Is it OK to watch porn even if you’re in a relationship? Can it become addicting? Can you forbid your partner from watching it?
In this episode we cover how porn affects you personally, pros and cons to bringing porn into your relationship, and what to do if you and your partner disagree. This is a topic that every couple needs to talk about in their relationship, so use this episode to open up a conversation! Lees meerLinks & Resources:
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Instagram: @vanessaandxanderIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
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