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285 afleveringen, van nieuw naar oud
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Episode 85: Make 2023 The Year You Finally Feel Sexy
5 januari 2023 · 1 uur 11 min
What makes a person sexy? We all want to be sexy, but most of us don’t feel that way very often (or at all). It can be hard to see yourself as sexy after long hours at work, taking care of kids, or watching your body change over the years. Even worse, we don’t know how to change that, because we don’t know what “sexy” even means! Google certainly isn’t helpful. What the heck are we supposed to do? Lees meer
Listen to this episode, that’s what! We want you to feel sexy and confident on a regular basis. In this episode, we teach you how to identify and create your own definition of sexy, so you can make 2023 your sexiest year yet.
Links & Resources:
Sex Talks
The Foreplay Guides
Next Level Intercourse
Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship
Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body – Even If You Don’t
Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step ProcessIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping.
Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode85
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Episode 84: Top 10 Podcast Moments of 2022
29 december 2022 · 49 min
What a year 2022 has been!!! In 52 episodes, we’ve gotten more vulnerable than we’ve ever dared, tackled the topics we never thought would see the light of day, and busted more myths than we thought possible - and loved EVERY minute of it! Lees meer
So we thought it’d be a blast to count down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks this year. Take a listen and see if your favorites made the cut! Revisit the times we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe, the crazy things we still can’t believe came out of our mouths (much less put on the air), and the a-ha moments that changed everything.
We can’t thank you enough for the support and the community we’ve built, one orgasm at a time. From us to you, Happy New Year!
Links & Resources:
Sex Talks Book PreorderIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode84
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Episode 83: How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument
22 december 2022 · 1 uur 7 min
Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument. Lees meer
We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection.
Links & Resources:
Mental Load WorkbookIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode83
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Episode 82: The 15 Lessons That Keep Us Saying “I Do” After 15 Years
15 december 2022 · 1 uur 11 min
On December 15th, 2007, a tired girl got dragged to a Christmas party and met a DJ with a heart of gold, and the rest is history. Lees meer
Here we are 15 years later, married and running a sex and relationship business, reflecting back over what it took to get us here. In this special episode, we celebrate our anniversary by sharing on the lessons we’ve taught each other, the revelations we’ve stumbled upon, and what we’ve had to learn the hard way. Join us as we take a walk down memory lane, share some laughs, get sentimental, and get, as always, just a little bit naughty. Stay tuned all the way to the end for some bonus lessons from the only people who talk about our relationship as much as we do.
Links & Resources:
Sex Talks BookIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillowCheck out the show notes (and see the infamous freak dancing photo) at vmtherapy.com/episode82
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Episode 81: Ho Ho Help! How To Survive Holiday Stress
8 december 2022 · 1 uur 26 min
It’s (supposed to be) the most wonderful time of the year! The time we get together with our loved ones and celebrate each other with presents, food, and quality time. Lees meer
But what happens when we start to see cracks in the perfect holiday picture we had in our mind? You and your partner start to bicker over budgets. Or maybe your mom’s disappointed that you’re going to your in-law’s this year. Or you’re just feeling like an enormous grinch this year.
The truth is that the holidays are an incredibly stressful time, and many of us get swept up by inflexible family traditions, present-giving politics, and socialized gender roles. So we’re here to help you navigate the holidays with ease and grace. There’s a lot of laughter, tons of compassion (because BOY have we had our own holiday disasters!), and as always our very best advice, all so you can have the tough conversations without losing the holiday spirit.
Links & Resources:
Episode 4 : Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship
Episode 27 : Your In-Law Holiday Survival Guide
Episode 30 : Sex With Other People…Around
Mental Load Workbook
A Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule?If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Go to GreenChef.com/pillow599 and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box — and your 1st box ships free!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode81
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Episode 80: Be A Man And Talk About Your Feelings
1 december 2022 · 1 uur 17 min
Ever wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings? Lees meer
You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?”
You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We asked the men of our Instagram audience if they wish they could be more emotionally intelligent, and 74% said yes.
In this episode, we explain why emotional intelligence remains so elusive for men and what can be done about it. Xander shares some of the emotional skeletons in his closet, how he was able to develop a healthier relationship with his emotions, and how other men can too. If you’ve never listened to an episode of Pillow Talks together, this is the one!
Links & Resources:
Pillow Talks Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable?If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode80
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Episode 79: Sex Confessions: The Good, The Bad, And The WTF
23 november 2022 · 53 min
Need a good laugh today? Everyone knows how stressful the holiday season can be, so if you need to lighten the mood or just chase away the cold weather blues, you’re in the right place. Lees meer
We crowdsourced anonymous sex confessions from our Instagram audience, and cherry-picked the very best ones to share in this revealing, hilarious, and sometimes shocking episode. Get ready for outdoor sex hijinks, dating app mishaps, on-the-job orgies, the trouble with technology, and more mayhem involving mothers than you ever wanted to know.
So throw it on while you road trip to see the fam. Let it play while prepping your pies. Just make sure no one’s asleep in the house, because the “lol” is real this time.
Links & Resources:
Foreplay Guides
Next Level Intercourse
What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? - YouTube
Bisexual In A Straight Relationship - YouTube
You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode79
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Episode 78: Initiation: What You And Your Partner Are Doing Wrong - And How To Get It Right
17 november 2022 · 1 uur 5 min
Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics. Lees meer
Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day.
In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner - or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around!
Links & Resources:
Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life
Initiation 101
Foreplay Guides
Next Level Intercourse
Better, Hotter, More
Mental Load Workbook
Sex Drive Types
Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?
Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74
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Episode 77: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Orgasms
10 november 2022 · 1 uur
There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition! Lees meer
We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so much easier for penis owners? We cover these hot topics and more as we dish the honest-to-goodness truth about the big O, and give you resources to help on your journey. And if you stick around to the very end, you’ll even get the answer to one of our more controversial questions - “Does Vanessa have an orgasm EVERY time she has sex?”.
Links & Resources:
Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business!
Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It)
Finishing SchoolIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode77
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Episode 76: How Much Do You Really Want It? The Sex Drive Episode
3 november 2022 · 54 min
Do you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido. Lees meer
But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually use them. (This episode contains a fascinating sneak peek at one of the biggest flops in our business!)
So what’s going on here? In this episode, we dive deep into the sex drive disconnect so many of us are struggling with. We’ll bust some of the biggest - and most damaging - sex drive myths, and give you the honest truth about libido. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of what you truly want, and a clear path on how to get there.
Links & Resources:
Rediscovering Desire
Sex Drive Types
Foreplay Guides
Next Level Intercourse
Butt Stuff
Better, Hotter, More
Episode 73: Do You Ever Owe Sex To Your Partner
Survivor’s GuideIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode76
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Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable?
27 oktober 2022 · 59 min
You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin. Lees meer
Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties.
Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?”
We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In this episode, we’ll help you uncover possible missing perspectives, give advice on how to move forward, and even validate some the worries because spoiler alert: so many of these are not as unreasonable as you would think!
Links & Resources:
Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves
Mental Load WorkbookIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode75
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Episode 74: Are We…Growing Apart?
20 oktober 2022 · 53 min
You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another. Lees meer
You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…”
Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship, but 1 in 3 of them are going through it right now.
Growing apart is so scary. You can’t understand how this happened, especially because you used to be so close. You wonder if you’ve already drifted too far to fix it. You’re afraid of the possibility of breaking up.
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more alone with your partner than without, or if you miss them even when they are right next to you, then you HAVE to listen to this episode.
Links and Resources:
Check out our 30 Day Connection Challenge at Connection Challenge Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74
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Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?
13 oktober 2022 · 56 min
Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses? Lees meer
Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often.
Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a relationship, and it’s understandable for partners to have needs. How can we honor what our partner wants, while also staying true to ourself and our boundaries?
Let us walk you through how to identify the real issue in all this gray area and some simple ways to tackle this touchy subject.
Links & Resources:
Sex Drive Type Initiation 101 Secret Libido (Sex Drive) Killers
Podcast Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode73
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Episode 72: The Lowdown On Painful Sex
6 oktober 2022 · 45 min
Have you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”? Lees meer
Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence.
Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be overlooking, so we can take you from groaning in pain to moaning in pleasure.
Links & Resources:
Be sure to pre-order our new book, Sex Talks, by going to sextalksbook.com
Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides
Guide: Next Level IntercourseIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillowCheck out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode72
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Episode 71: Ask Us Anything Part 3: Extra Spicy Edition
29 september 2022 · 53 min
You saw the question box. You dug deep and swung for the fences. Now buckle up, because it is our turn at bat and we are gonna get SPICY in this episode! Lees meer
That’s right, it’s time for “Ask Us Anything”- extra spicy edition 🔥
On Instagram we asked you to challenge us with your most personal questions, and boy did you deliver! Our team gave us a list of questions, and we sat down to record without discussing any of our answers first.
We really go there, deep diving into our dating history, favorite positions, fantasies, burst ear drums, and more. It’s a roller coaster of emotions as we get vulnerable, admit some hard truths, and reveal some things we have never said to each other, much less on air.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode71
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Episode 70: How To Keep Stress Low And Pleasure High When You’re Trying To Conceive
22 september 2022 · 59 min
Most couples believe that trying to get pregnant will be one of the sexiest, most intimate periods of their relationship. But if you don’t get pregnant right away, things can quickly take a turn - worrying that something is wrong, fear that it will never happen, the medical appointments, the pressure, the schedules… Lees meer
With all that stress, it’s no wonder that your sex life can really suffer while trying to conceive.
Today we’re sharing 5 ways to protect your relationship during your TTC journey. It’s a heavy topic, but we’ll try to make you laugh along the way.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at birchliving.com/pillow
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode70
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Episode 69: What Do Men REALLY Think About… Part Two! (Lingerie, Boobs, Money, Queefing, and More!)
15 september 2022 · 1 uur 3 min
Xander is back in the hot seat today answering the tough questions... What do guys REALLY think about lingerie? Can they handle a woman who makes more money or has a higher sex drive? When it comes to breasts, do they care about size or symmetry? Nipple size or color? Lees meer
We also polled the men in our Instagram community so we could take an even deeper look at the male psyche.
And we even talk about the two topics that have caused some serious issues in our relationship.
Don’t miss the laughter, the deep dives, and return of Xander’s dulcet tones serenading the podcast!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode69
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Episode 68: The Ultimate Butt Stuff Episode
9 september 2022 · 51 min
No, you’re not having deja vu… Butt Stuff is back! Lees meer
We originally released a Butt Stuff episode almost a year ago, and it has consistently been one of our top 5 episodes. It has been so popular that we decided to turn it into a course… conveniently named Butt Stuff as well 🤣
In celebration, we decided to re-record a podcast episode with all of your most pressing questions. We cover everything in this episode! Hemorrhoids, hairy buttholes, safety, straight dudes being on the receiving end, and the one big fear that so many of us have… will there be poop?!
We know there’s some fear and anxiety surrounding the back door, because 72% of our Instagram audience said they’re intimidated by butt stuff. But with 67% admitting to still being curious, we decided to bust those myths and give you the facts so you can decide if anal play is worth a try. (Pssst! It is!)
Links & Resources:
👉 Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode68
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Episode 67: Hot Takes: How We REALLY Feel About Your Most Requested Topics
1 september 2022 · 1 uur 3 min
Definition of hot take: a quickly produced, strongly worded, and often deliberately provocative or sensational opinion or reaction. You guys are always asking us for our “hot takes” on some of the most divisive sex topics like threesomes, strip clubs, pegging, 69, and even the age old spit vs swallow debate, so we decided to put them all together in one episode! Lees meer
We’re getting real and holding nothing back as we dish on over a dozen hot topics that you sent in. (Spoiler alert: we don’t agree on all of them!) Some of our answers may surprise you, but we promise you will be entertained.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode67
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Episode 66: The True Story Of How We Built A Sex Therapy Business
25 augustus 2022 · 1 uur 5 min
You’ve asked us over email, Instagram, YouTube, everything short of a carrier pigeon… How the heck did we get into the sex therapy business? And do we manage working and living together every day as a married couple? The time has come for us to share all the details about our business, from how we started to where we are now. Lees meer
You’ll hear about it all… Vanessa floundering to figure out her path. Why we moved to Berlin. Xander’s identity crisis. Our most embarrassing moments, and plenty of business “fails.” We get vulnerable about the good, the bad, and the ugly of the journey that took us from corporate hell to living out our dreams together.
And stick around to the end to be the first to hear what’s coming next!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at BirchLiving.com/pillow
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode66
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Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process
18 augustus 2022 · 56 min
Let’s talk about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that you don’t bring up over drinks with friends. The thing that you don’t even admit to yourself if we are being honest. Lees meer
Let’s talk about the shame surrounding sex.
Our Instagram audience tells us that 74% of us have experienced it in our lifetime, with 30% currently going through it. (But we’d bet real money that both of those numbers are much higher.) There are so many things that plague us when it comes to sex: body counts, sexual identities, doing things “the right way”, doing something too much or not enough or not at all.
It’s EXHAUSTING, but it doesn’t have to be!
Sex should be about pleasure and joy, freedom and exploration, certainly not about worry and regret. In this episode, we walk you through reprogramming the way you approach sex in your life, in 7 steps.
Links & Resources:
PDF Guide: 7 Steps to Deconstructing Sexual ShameIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping.
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode65
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Episode 64: Are You Roommates or Romantic Partners?
11 augustus 2022 · 57 min
Are you worried you’ve lost the spark in your relationship? We asked our Instagram audience, and the numbers were shocking! A whopping 91% said their relationship has gone through a Roommates Phase, and 46% said they’re in one right now. Lees meer
So why does it seem like no one is talking about the Roommates Phase?
In this episode we do a deep dive into what the Roommates Phase means, and how to get out of it before it’s too late. Let us help you end the drought and get back that lovin’ feelin’!
(Psst - Xander even sings about it within the first four minutes of this episode…)
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode64
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Episode 63: Does Your Partner Care Enough About YOUR Pleasure?
4 augustus 2022 · 1 uur 3 min
Do you ever find yourself feeling kinda… disappointed after intercourse with your partner? Lees meer
Or worse, faking it just to “get it over with”?
Maybe you’ve tried talking to him about it and telling them you need more, but he got defensive and nothing changed.
This episode has been a long time coming! We hear SO many stories from our audience about how men just don’t prioritize female pleasure as much as they should.
There are a lot of reasons why there’s such a huge orgasm gap in male-female sex, so we break it down into 3 main categories, complete with real-life examples. (Including an example from our own relationship!)
We firmly believe that everyone who wants an orgasm, gets an orgasm. This episode will take you through, step-by-step, exactly to make sure that happens!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode63
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Episode 62: The Truth About Money and Relationships
28 juli 2022 · 58 min
Are you sick of fighting about money in your relationship? Maybe you’ve even thought you and your partner are incompatible because of how differently you both think about spending and saving. Trust us, you’re not alone! Lees meer
This episode is for you if you feel like you need to keep purchases a secret. Or maybe you’re just exasperated by how much money your partner spends. We know how easily that tension and resentment can build.
Today we’ll be addressing money issues within relationships advice column style — with real life stories and questions from our audience. As we help them troubleshoot, we’ll be giving easy to implement tips on approaching money issues in relationships.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode62
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Episode 61: Putting The O Back In Mom: Reigniting Your Sex Life After Kids
21 juli 2022 · 45 min
Are you struggling to have a great sex life now that you’re a mom? Lees meer
As women, we wear so many hats and have so many identities. We’re wives, girlfriends, daughters, sisters, friends, and mothers. But what happens when these identities feel like they’re in conflict with one another?
A whopping 91% of our Instagram followers said their sex life got harder after kids. We heard things like, “It’s hard to feel confident in my new body,” “Everyone always needs something, and I’m tired of giving,” and, “I’m just EXHAUSTED!”
In this episode, we’re here to give you practical tips to creating the sex life you deserve!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode61
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Episode 60: Help! My Partner Hates Self-Improvement!
14 juli 2022 · 55 min
You read all the books, listen to all the podcast episodes, and do all the meditations and affirmations. But your partner won’t even read a dang Instagram caption! Lees meer
What do you do if you value self-improvement and personal development, but your partner just can’t be bothered - or even flat-out refuses?
In today’s episode, we’re giving you the tips and tools to get your partner invested in becoming the best version of themselves.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode60
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Episode 59: Roleplaying 101: Ditch The Awkwardness And Find Your Confidence
7 juli 2022 · 49 min
In today’s episode we’re diving into something that 74% of our audience have never done - roleplay! Lees meer
Most people think that roleplaying feels awkward and uncomfortable. They worry about not knowing who to roleplay, not being able to get or stay in character, and generally embarrassing themselves.
But we think that roleplaying can be a whole lot of fun - and can even be a great way to feel more present in the bedroom!
So in today’s episode, we’re going to give you our step-by-step roadmap for easing into roleplaying, and discovering your confidence!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode59
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Episode 58: The Sex Act You Should Be Doing - But Probably Aren’t
30 juni 2022 · 49 min
Today’s episode is about one of the most underrated sex acts that you’re probably not doing… mutual masturbation! Lees meer
Even if your face is already beet red, we’re going to do our best to convince you why masturbation isn’t something you should do alone or in secret.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode58
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Episode 57: Is This Your Shit Or Mine?
23 juni 2022 · 52 min
“Should I have to stop hanging out with my ex because my girlfriend said so?” Lees meer
“Is it my husband’s job to say something to my rude in-laws?”
We’re answering these spicy questions and many more in today’s episode of Pillow Talks!
Most of us get annoyed by things our partner says or does — but is it their problem, or ours? Is it their responsibility to fix, or is it something we need to learn how to live with? Today we’re answering the question, “Is this your shit or mine?”
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode57
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Episode 56: What Do Men REALLY Think About… ? (Vulvas, Emotional Intimacy, And More!)
16 juni 2022 · 44 min
Every day we get DMs from women asking Xander what men REALLY think about everything from pubic hair to emotional intimacy. Lees meer
We decided we had to devote an entire podcast episode to this topic, so we gathered your most common questions and concerns, and put Xander in the hot seat. We also asked the men in our Instagram audience for their feedback. We’re giving you an invaluable peek inside the hearts and minds of men all over the world.
Topics include:
Cellulite
How many sexual partners a woman has had
Do men compare their partner to others?
Vulvas (smell, look, taste)
Giving oral sexIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode56
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Episode 55: The 69 Episode
9 juni 2022 · 49 min
Love it or hate it, 69 is one of the most infamous sex acts. We just had to give it it’s own episode, especially since today is also 6/9. Lees meer
We’re sharing how we really feel about 69, plus 6.9 amazing tips for having the most fun in this position. You also do not want to miss the hilarious stories our audience shared with us!
But that’s not all! It’s also the 1 year anniversary of the Pillow Talks Podcast! We asked you for your favorite moments and jokes from the year, and we’re sharing some of your answers. It’s a really fun walk down memory lane!
Links & Resources:
Online Courses & GuidesIf you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode55
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Episode 54: Ask Us Anything Part 2: MORE Of Your Burning Questions, Answered
2 juni 2022 · 54 min
We were WRONG. Lees meer
Well, Vanessa was. She thought there was no way our last Ask Us Anything episode would be popular, but it ended up being one of our most listened-to episodes!
So we decided to do a Part 2 with more of the most asked and most interesting personal questions we’ve gotten.
We’re talking about:
What we fight about
What we won’t do sexually
Vanessa’s ultra-personal therapy update
What our families think about us being in the sex therapy business
What we keep private from our Instagram audience
And so much more!If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode54
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Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners
26 mei 2022 · 56 min
Have you ever read a romance novel or watched a sex scene and felt turned on by reading or seeing something kinda kinky that you’ve never even thought of doing in the bedroom before? Lees meer
Maybe you like the sex you’re having now, but you’ve heard of some naughty things that make you a little…curious.
This episode is your introduction to kink: what it is, why you might want to experiment with it, and how to actually go about trying it in a safe, healthy way!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping.
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode53
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Episode 52: How To Get Your Man To Take Control In The Bedroom
19 mei 2022 · 54 min
You’re innocently folding the laundry, just minding your own business, when your partner comes up behind you, brushes your hair away from your ear and whispers “I want you. NOW.” They order you to take off your clothes. They push you down onto the bed, and ravage you from head to toe. Lees meer
We’ve all had this fantasy, right? It’s SO sexy to think about your partner taking control.
But what is it about this control fantasy that’s so appealing?
You might be surprised to find out...
If you’ve ever wanted your (male) partner to take control in the bedroom, this episode is a must-listen!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode52
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Episode 51: The Art of Flirting (In a Long Term Relationship)
12 mei 2022 · 54 min
“Why should I have to flirt with my partner? We’ve been together forever!” Lees meer
A lot of us in long-term relationships feel hesitant to flirt with our partner. It feels awkward, clunky, or just plain unnecessary.
But flirting is an amazing way to ignite that spark you once had and remind you of those exciting early days of your relationship.
Most importantly: flirting can make both of you feel SO good about the way you see each other.
We know it can feel daunting to flirt with your partner, especially if you’re out of practice or don’t consider yourself good at it, so we’re doing a whole episode on exactly how to flirt.
Even if you feel like flirting “isn’t for me” or doesn’t come naturally to you, we promise that this episode will boost your confidence and have you trying out some new techniques ASAP — and don’t blame us if things get a little sweeter (and spicier)! 😉
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode51
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Episode 50: I Don’t Know How To Say This, But...
5 mei 2022 · 48 min
You know that thing you really want to tell your partner but you just... don’t know how? Lees meer
Maybe you’re nervous, you really don’t want to hurt their feelings, or it feels like the time is never right.
Well, you’re not alone!
Our Instagram audience hit us with alllll the things they wish they could tell their partner, and we’re giving them our best advice for how to keep it real while avoiding the dreaded “we need to talk” opener.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow
Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode50
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Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It)
28 april 2022 · 50 min
Squirting: is it real? Where does it come from? IS IT PEE?! Lees meer
In this episode, we are doing a deep dive on the mystery of squirting: specifically what it is, why it happens, and how we all became so obsessed with it.
Join us for a very educational episode and learn why this topic gets Vanessa so fired up!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode49
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Episode 48: How To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry Spells
21 april 2022 · 50 min
Can’t remember the last time you had sex? Lees meer
Or maybe you remember the exact day and it’s been... too long.
It’s time to talk about one of the most-dreaded issues that comes up in relationships... DRY SPELLS!
You might find yourself wondering if there’s an end in sight. Has your relationship cooled off for good? When you do have sex again, is it going to be awkward or bad, leading to yet another dry spell? Or maybe you’re scaring yourself because you don’t even miss having sex at all!
Dry spells can send you to some really dark places, but we’re here to tell you: there is hope!
In this episode, we’re giving you five tips for combatting dry spells, no matter your circumstance.
We’re also talking about preventing this issue, so even if you’re not in a dry spell right now, you don’t want to miss this episode!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode48
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Episode 47: What Penis Performance Problems REALLY Mean
14 april 2022 · 57 min
You’re having a steamy makeout session with your partner, things are getting hot and heavy and leading to sex, but your partner just can’t get or stay erect. (Or maybe their erection isn’t the problem, but their orgasm is.) Lees meer
What does it mean??
For most women, we think the answer lies within ourselves. We’re not hot enough. We’re not experienced enough or lacking technique. Something is wrong with our body, not theirs.
What you THINK these performance issues mean vs. what they REALLY mean are two very different animals, so in today’s episode, we are going there.
Whether your partner has trouble getting and staying hard, orgasming too quickly/taking too long to orgasm, we’re talking about how these issues have affected us in our relationship and giving you all of our best tips for navigating them in (and out) of the moment.
And, spoiler alert, this episode turned into a mini therapy session for us!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode47
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Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves
7 april 2022 · 40 min
If you’re like many people, hygiene seems pretty basic. Take a shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, what’s so hard about that? Lees meer
So you may find yourself confused about why your partner can’t seem to take good care of themselves.
How can your partner expect you to want to kiss them, have sex with them, or even be attracted to them in the first place if they haven’t kept up basic hygiene habits?
In today’s episode, we’re tackling the topic you’ve been dying for us to address: your partner’s hygiene - or lack thereof.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode46
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Episode 45: Busting – And Confirming! – The Wildest Sex Myths
31 maart 2022 · 47 min
Is squirting really just pee? Can pineapple make your vulva taste and smell sweet? What the heck is the deal with belly button sex?? Lees meer
We turned to Instagram to ask, “What’s something you’ve heard about sex and aren’t sure if it’s true?”
Some of these urban legends are funny, some of them are damaging and harmful, and some of them are actually true!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode45
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Episode 44: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up
24 maart 2022 · 1 uur
Do you find yourself wishing your partner would share more about their emotions, or at least just more details about how their day went? Lees meer
If your partner never opens up to you, it can leave you feeling pretty damn lonely. You may even find yourself feeling suspicious about why they won’t share more with you.
In this episode, we’re giving you practical tips on how to get your partner to “open up”, once and for all.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode44
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Episode 43: How To STOP Getting Distracted During Sex!
17 maart 2022 · 52 min
Have you ever been in the middle of some HOT sex and all of a sudden you start thinking about something completely unrelated? Maybe you need to get a babysitter for next weekend or you totally forgot to send that email to your boss. Lees meer
Regardless of what you’re distracted by, it can be so frustrating and you can end up feeling powerless to your thoughts. You may even feel self-judgment or shame that you’re not able to stay focused during sex.
In this episode we’re giving you lots of practical tools for how you (and your partner) can navigate distractions and stay more present during sex.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode43
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Episode 42: Are You Sexually Compatible?
10 maart 2022 · 1 uur 1 min
“Are we sexually compatible?” This haunting question comes up in the majority of relationships at some point. So what does it actually mean when it starts to feel like you’re not sexually compatible?? Is your relationship doomed? Lees meer
The answer is - it depends! In this episode, we’re digging into sexual compatibility using an exciting new model Vanessa developed! Plus, we’ll even share our own “rankings” for how compatible (and incompatible) we are.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode42
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Episode 41: The Ask Us Anything Episode: All Your Burning Questions, Answered!
3 maart 2022 · 54 min
So how DID Xander propose? How often do we really have sex? You’re about to find out in this “ask us anything” style episode, where we answer your most frequently asked, burning questions. Lees meer
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode41
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Episode 40: When Your Partner Wants Sex But You Don’t
24 februari 2022 · 1 uur 2 min
What do you do when your partner initiates sex, but you’re not in the mood? Lees meer
This can be one of the trickiest moments to navigate in a relationship. You might find yourself freezing up, worrying about hurting your partner, or even feeling irritated at them for initiating in the first place.
In this episode, we walk you through exactly what to do. You might even be surprised by our suggestions!
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode40
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Episode 39: If You Had To Ask, Does It Even Count?
17 februari 2022 · 54 min
You wish your partner would do something thoughtful for you, and you definitely DON’T want to have to ask them to do it — because if you did, it wouldn’t really count as something thoughtful anymore! Right?! Lees meer
This episode is the remedy for this all-too-common complaint. We’re giving you steps to take toward more intentional, joyful moments for both you and your partner.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode39
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Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?
10 februari 2022 · 46 min
There are two types of people: those who need to feel connected before having sex, and those that need to have sex in order to feel connected. In a cruel twist of fate, relationships typically have one of each type of person. This can lead to a stand-off situation that often manifests in long dry spells or straight up bad sex. Lees meer
In this episode, we give our surprising (and perhaps controversial) answer to what comes first — emotional or physical connection, and talk about how to end the ‘stand-off’ once and for all.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode38
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Episode 37: The Truth About Why We’re Child-Free
3 februari 2022 · 1 uur 11 min
One of the most frequent questions we get is, “Do you have kids?” Followed closely by “why don’t you have any?” While it hasn’t always been an easy journey, we’ve gotten to a place where we’re really comfortable and confident in our choice to be child-free. So today’s episode is all about how we got there! Lees meer
We get deeply vulnerable and yes, tears were shed. We’re answering your burning questions and discussing how we decided to be child-free, the way we told our families and how they reacted, and the feelings that come up around knowing we won’t have children.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode37
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Episode 36: Can We Come Back From This?
27 januari 2022 · 1 uur 5 min
What do you do when your partner says something hurtful that you just can’t shake, even months or years later? Is it something you can grow and heal from or is it simply a deal breaker? Lees meer
This advice-column style episode dives into the “grey area” of relationships. We’ll hear stories from members of our community who are sharing their most harrowing ‘can we come back from this?’ moments and give our best advice on how to move forward.
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!
Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode36
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