Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive
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022: How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: Author Interview!
20 januari 2017 · 41 min
Have you read the now-classic book How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk? Ever wished there was a version that would help you with younger children who perhaps aren’t quite ready for a detailed problem-solving session? Lees meer
Well now there is! Adele Faber is a co-author of the original book; Adele’s daughter Joanna and Joanna’s childhood friend Julie King have teamed up to write the new version of How to Talk so LITTLE Kids Will Listen, packed with examples of how real parents have used the information they’ve now been teaching for over 30 years.
Join me for a chat with Julie King as we work to understand the power of acknowledging children’s feelings and some practical tools to help engage your younger children to cooperate with you.
Update 5/10/17: An eagle-eyed listener noticed that Julie mentioned her 10-year-old son wanting to sit on the front seat of her car, while the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that children 12 and under should sit in the back seat. Julie was recounting an episode that happened long before there were CDC recommendations on where children should sit in the car, so please don’t take this as an ‘OK’ to put your 12-and-under child in the front seat. Thanks!
Reference
Faber, J. & King, J. (2017). How to talk so little kids will listen. New York: Scribner. (Affiliate link)
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021: Talk Sex Today!
15 januari 2017 · 43 min
I was scrolling down my Facebook feed recently when I saw a post in a parenting group saying “My two year-old daughter seems to have a “special relationship” with her rocking horse. Is she masturbating?” And I thought to myself “Whoa, two year-olds masturbate? I gotta do an episode on this!” So I looked around to see who is writing about this and I found Saleema Noon, who has a Master degree in sexual health education, and who co-wrote the recent book Talk Sex Today (Affiliate link), which is chock-full of information on how to talk with children of all ages about sex. Lees meer
There are lots of resources available on Saleema’s website to help with these kinds of conversations, including a ‘what kids need to know and when’ list, a selection of books (for you and for your child), and other helpful tips and links.
Additional Recommended Resource:
Outspoken Sex Ed
References
Note: Books that Saleema recommends during the podcast are linked directly to Amazon via affiliate links.
Albert, B (2004). With one voice 2004: America’s adults and teens sound off about teen pregnancy. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Retrieved from: https://thenationalcampaign.org/sites/default/files/resource-primary-download/wov_2004.pdf
Brown, L.K., & Brown, M. (2000). What’s the big secret? Talking about sex with girls and boys. New York: Little, Brown.
CBS Miami (2014, May 6). Broward school board approves sex ed overhaul. Retrieved from: http://miami.cbslocal.com/2014/05/06/broward-school-board-to-vote-on-new-sex-ed-policy/
Chicago Department of Public Health (2013, June). Sexual education policy in Illinois and Chicago. Retrieved from: https://www.cityofchicago.org/content/dam/city/depts/cdph/CDPH/HCPolicyBriefJune2013.pdf
Guttmacher Institute (2016, November 1). Sex and HIV Education: State laws and policies. Retrieved from: https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/sex-and-hiv-education
Mayle, P. & Robins, A. (2000). Where did I come from? New York, NY: Lyle Stua…
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020: How do I get my child to do what I want them to do?
9 januari 2017 · 22 min
Parenting is tough, huh? Sometimes it feels like we spend a lot of our time asking our daughter to do things…and asking again…and finding a more creative way to ask. We’re going to get some great advice on this next week from Julie King, co-author of the new book How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen – but for this week I want to set the stage and think about why we should bother with all of this. Why not just force our kids to do what we want them to do? And, is it possible to raise obedient kids who can also think for themselves? Lees meer
Reference
Baldwin, A.L. (1948). Socialization and the parent-child relationship. Child Development 19, 127-136. Retrieved from: http://www.jstor.org/stable/1125710
Baumrind, D. (1978). Parental disciplinary patterns and social competence in children. Youth Society 9(3), 239-267. DOI: 10.1177/0044118X7800900302
Collins, W.A. (Ed.) (1984). Development during middle childhood: The years from six to twelve. Washington, D.C.: National Academies Press. Full book available as a pdf at: http://www.nap.edu/catalog/56.html
Crockenberg, S.C., & Litman, C. (1990). Autonomy as competence in 2-year-olds: Maternal correlates of child defiance, compliance, and self-assertion. Developmental Psychology 26(6), 961-971. DOI: 0.1037/0012-1649.26.6.961
Hare, A.L., Szwedo, D.E., Schad, M.M., & Allen, J.P. (2014). Undermining adolescent autonomy with parents and peers: The enduring implications of psychologically controlling parenting. Journal of Research on Adolesence 24(4), 739-752. DOI: 10.1111/jora.12167
Lamborn, S.D., Mounts, N.S., Steinberg, L., & Dornbusch, S.M. (1991). Patterns of competence and adjustment among adolescents from authoritative, authoritarian, indulgent, and neglectful families. Child Development 62, 1049-1065. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-8624.1991.tb01588.x
Lansbury, J. (2014). Setting limits with respect: What it sounds like. Retrieved from: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/04/setting-limits-with-respect-what-it-sounds-like-podcast/
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019: Raising your Child in a Digital World: Interview with Dr. Kristy Goodwin
1 januari 2017 · 42 min
Did your child receive a digital device as a gift over the holidays? Have you been able to prise it out of his/her hands yet? Lees meer
Regular listeners might recall that we did an episode recently called “Really, how bad is screen time for my child?” where we went into the American Academy of Pediatrics’ guidelines on screen time for very young children, so if you haven’t listened to that one yet you might want to go and do it before you listen to this episode, because this one really builds on that one.
Yes, we know we’re not supposed to give our babies under 18 months old access to screens. But at some point our children are going to start using screens – and we as parents need tools to manage that process, whether we’ve limited screens until now or whether we’ve been using them as a bit of a crutch. (If you’re in a third category of parents who is totally happy with the amount and type of screen time your children are getting and feel confident about managing this in the future then click along to the next episode, because there’s nothing for you here!) So all of this is what today’s guest is going to help us to figure out.
Dr Kristy Goodwin is one of Australia’s leading digital parenting experts (and mum who also has to deal with her kids’ techno-tantrums!). She’s the author of the brand new book Raising Your Child in a Digital World (Affiliate link). Dr Kristy arms parents, educators and health professionals with research-based information about what today’s young, digital kids really need to thrive online and offline. Kristy takes the guesswork and guilt out of raising kids in the digital age by arming parents and educators with facts, not fears about how screens are impacting on children’s health, wellbeing and development.
References
Brewer, J. (2016). Digital Nutrition (website/blog). Retrieved from: http://www.digitalnutrition.com.au/blog
Christakis, D., Zimmerman, F.J., DiGuiseppe, D.L., & McCarty, C.A. (2004). Early television exposure and subsequent atte…
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018: The Spiritual Child: Possibly exaggerated, conclusions uncertain
26 december 2016 · 26 min
Someone in a parenting group on Facebook suggested I do an episode on The Spiritual Child, by Dr. Lisa Miller. My first thought was that it didn’t really sound like my cup of tea but I was willing to read it and at least see what it had to say. Lees meer
I was surprised by the book’s thesis that spirituality can play a critical role in a child’s and adolescent’s development. But I was astounded that her thesis was actually backed up by scientific research.
I invited Dr. Miller to be on the show and she initially agreed – but during my preparation I found that the science supporting spirituality doesn’t seem to be quite as clear-cut as the book says it is. I invited Dr. Miller again for a respectful discussion of the issues but I didn’t hear back from her.
In this episode I describe the book’s major claims, and assess where the science seems to support these and where it doesn’t. I conclude with some practices you can use to deepen your child’s spiritual connection, if you decide that this is the right approach for your family.
Note: I mainly focused on the research related to child development in this article, but as I was about to publish this episode I found an article claiming that the science behind some of Dr. Miller’s other assertions might not be so solid either. I didn’t read all of those studies (because they’re not directly related to child development, and it took me a lot of hours to find and read just the ones that were), but the author’s conclusions very much mirror my own.
References
Benson, P.L., Roehlkepartain, E.C., & Scales, P.C. (2012). Spiritual development during childhood and adolescence. In L. Miller (Ed.). The Oxford handbook of psychology and spirituality. New York: Oxford.
Berry, D. (2005). Methodological pitfalls in the study of religiosity and spirituality. Western Journal of Nursing Research 27(5), 628-647. DOI: 10.1177/0193945905275519
Boytas, C.J. (2012). Spiritual development during childhood and adolescence. In L. Miller (Ed.). The O…
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017: Don’t bother trying to increase your child’s self-esteem
19 december 2016 · 28 min
Self-Esteem Lees meer
When I first started researching this episode I thought it would be a bit of a slam-dunk. Self-esteem is a good thing, right?
I was really surprised to find that there’s little evidence that self-esteem helps children to do better in school, or even be happier, so there’s a good deal of disagreement among psychologists about whether encouraging self-esteem is necessarily a good thing.
This episode digs into these issues to understand (as much as scientists currently can) the benefits of self-esteem – and what qualities parents might want to encourage in their children in place of self-esteem to enable better outcomes. It also touches on our self-esteem as parents – because don’t we all want to think that our child is just a little bit special, so we know we’re good parents?
Jump to highlights
00:31 Introduction of episode
01:45 What research says about self-esteem
03:41 Stages on how children develop self-esteem
06:01 3 Conditions that children experience social success when outside the family
10:06 The link between violence and self-esteem
13:23 The link between self-esteem and school performance
16:04 Role of self-esteem in interpersonal relationships
18:17 What conclusion can parents make in this episode
23:46 Self-compassion affects self-esteem
References
Bachman, J.G. & O’Malley, P.M. (1986). Self-concepts, self-esteem, and educational experiences: The frog pond revisited (again). Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 50, 35-46.
Baumeister, R.F., Campbell, J.D., Krueger, J.I., & Vohs, K.D. (2003). Does high self-esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest 4(1), 1-44. DOI: 10.1111/1529-1006.01431
Beggan, J.K. (1992). On the social nature of nonsocial perception: The mere ownership effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 62(2), 229-237. DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.62.2.229
Bretherton, I. (1992). The origins of attachment theor…
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016: Listening, Growth, and Lifelong Resilience
12 december 2016 · 37 min
Have you ever wondered why your child acts up? Is it because they really want to annoy you or because they’re trying to tell you something? Lees meer
In this conversation Dr. Claudia Gold helps us to understand that what we call ADHD – an extreme example of a child’s “acting up” – is not a known biological process but rather a collection of behaviors that often go together. We might call them “symptoms,” but they aren’t symptoms in the way that a cough is a symptom of pneumonia.
Instead, Dr. Gold argues that by medicating the symptoms (i.e. the “difficult behavior”) we ignore the underlying problems that are causing them which ultimately doesn’t help the child – or the family.
Whether your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, whether you suspect it, or whether you’re struggling with run-of-the-mill behavior problems, Dr. Gold has practical advice to help you.
Taming Your Triggers
If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, register for the Taming Your Triggers workshop.
We’ll help you to:
Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them
Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs
Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered
Click the banner to learn more!
Dr. Claudia Gold's Book
The Silenced child: From labels, medications, and quick-fix solutions to listening, growth, and lifelong resilience - Affiliate link
Jump to highlights
00:30 Introduction to the episode and guest Dr. Claudia Gold
01:20 Why 30-minute ADHD visits weren't enough for Dr. Gold
02:44 Hidden factors that can look like ADHD
04:28 Behavior as a form of communication
06:42 A troubling example from child psychiatry training
09:55 When does a child become a person with feelings?
11:41 What a toddler's out-of-control behavior is really asking for
12:51 Repair: what to do after a moment goes wrong
15:09 How conflict b…
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015: How to support your introverted child
5 december 2016 · 26 min
Do you think your child may be introverted? Or are you not sure how to tell? Around one in three people are introverted so if you have two or three children, chances are one of them is introverted. While Western – and particularly American – society tends to favor extroverts, being an introvert isn’t something we can – or should – cure. It’s a personality trait, not a flaw. Lees meer
Join me as we walk through a topic near and dear to my heart, and learn the difference between introversion and shyness, and how to support your introverted child – no matter whether you yourself are introverted or extroverted.
References
Aron, E.N. (1996). Are you highly sensitive? Retrieved from: http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
Belsky, J., Jonassaint, C., Pluess, M., Stanton, M., Brummett, B., & Williams, R. (2009). Vulnerability genes or plasticity genes? Molecular Psychiatry 14, 746-754. DOI: 10.1038/mp.2009.44
Cain, S. (2013). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking. New York: Broadway.
Dobbs, D. (2009). The science of success. The Atlantic. Retrieved from: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/12/the-science-of-success/307761/
Kagan, J., & Snidman, N. (2004). The long shadow of temperament. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press
Keogh, B.K. (1986). Temperament and schooling: Meaning of “Goodness of Fit”? In J.V. Lerner and R.M. Lerner (Eds). Temperament and social interaction in infancy and children. San Francisco, Jossey-Bass.
Laney, M.O. (2002). The introvert advantage: How to thrive in an extrovert world. New York: Workman.
Markway, B.G., & Markway, G.P. (2005). Nurturing the shy child: Practical help for raising confident ans socially skilled kids and teens. New York: St. Martin’s.
McCrae, R.R., & Terracciano, A. (2006). National character and personality. Current Directions in Psychological Science 15(4), 156-161.
Pluess, M., & Belsky, J. (2009). Differential susceptibility to rearing experience: The case of childcare. …
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014: Understanding the AAP’s new screen time guidelines
28 november 2016 · 27 min
The American Academy of Pediatrics just updated its screen time recommendations – and, for the first time, we can actually see and understand the research on which the recommendations are based. They’re a bit more nuanced than the previous versions, so join me as we walk through what the recommendations mean for parents of babies and toddlers – whether or not your children have been using screens until now. We’ll look at the impact particularly of TV on cognitive development, obesity, and prosocial vs. antisocial behavior. Lees meer
News flash: if you’re not watching and discussing shows WITH your child, he may be learning antisocial behavior from even the most innocuous of PBS programming.
This is the first in a two-part series on screen time. Here we focus on what science says about the impacts on development. In the second part we’ll examine what we can do about mitigating these impacts and on harnessing some of the good that digital media can do for our kids, since they are growing up in a world where the use of digital media is a fact of life.
References
Alade, F., Rasmussen, E., & Christy, K. (2014). The relation between television exposure and executive function among preschoolers. Developmental Psychology 50(5), 1497-1506. Full article available at: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259845495_The_Relation_Between_Television_Exposure_and_Executive_Function_Among_Preschoolers
American Academy of Pediatrics (n.d.) Media and Children. Retrieved from: https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/Pages/Media-and-Children.aspx?rf=32524&nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token
Barr, R. (2013). Memory constraints on infant learning from picture books, television, and touchscreens. Child Development Perspectives 7(4), 205-210. Full article available at: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/259074650_Memory_Constraints_on_Infant_Learning_From_Picture_Books_Television_and_Touchs…
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013: Vanessa Merten of the Pregnancy Podcast
21 november 2016 · 22 min
Are you pregnant? Thinking about getting pregnant? Do you love Your Parenting Mojo and wish there was a show that could help you to understand how scientific research can help you make decisions about your pregnancy? Well, there is! Lees meer
In this episode, we chat with Vanessa Merten, who hosts The Pregnancy Podcast. She uses scientific research to examine – sometimes controversial – issues from all sides to help you decide what’s best for you.
And best of all, she goes beyond looking at individual issues to really synthesizing the outcomes of the research in a way that will make your decision-making much more powerful. Do you know how receiving IV fluids during your delivery could lead to a pediatrician making the judgment that breastfeeding is not going well and you should supplement with formula?
If you want to understand this as well as the links between all kinds of other issues related to your pregnancy, listen in to this interview with Vanessa and then head on over to The Pregnancy Podcast at pregnancypodcast.com.
Jump to highlights
00:22 Introduction to The Pregnancy Podcast. Vanessa Merten created a podcast that does for pregnancy and birth what Your Parenting Mojo does for parenting - it examines research on pregnancy and birth topics from all sides so you can make informed decisions that match your own values.
01:45 When Vanessa was pregnant, she felt pressure to do what everybody else was doing. Instead, she dove into research and ended up making different choices, like having a birth center birth instead of a hospital birth.
08:00 How IV fluids during birth can affect breastfeeding? Here's an example of how things connect: If you get IV fluids during birth, your baby will retain some of those fluids. When your baby loses that fluid in the first 24 hours, it can look like your baby is losing weight too quickly.
09:38 We think of ultrasounds as routine pregnancy care, but there's research showing potential negative effects from too many ultrasounds.
13…
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012: It’s not about the broccoli: Dr. Dina Rose
14 november 2016 · 51 min
Does your child eat any food under the sun...as long as it's cheese? Do you find yourself worrying that you'll never get all the nutrients into her that she needs? Dr. Dina Rose approaches eating from a sociologist's perspective, which is to say that It's Not About The Broccoli (which also happens to be the name of her book), it's about habits and relationships. Join Dr. Rose as she counsels the parent who struggles with her almost four-year-old "highly spirited" son's eating habits. There is hope for getting this child to eat something other than cheese, and Dr. Rose walks us through the steps to make it happen. Lees meer
Not to be missed even if your child isn't (currently) a picky eater: every worm will turn, as they say, and you may find these strategies helpful to head off any pickiness that starts to emerge in the future. And listen up for Dr. Rose's offer of a free 30 minute coaching session for parents!
Jump to highlights
00:33 Introduction of episode
04:55 3 habits that translate nutrition into behavior
06:11 Nutrition approach vs. habit approach
07:35 Taste preferences are shaped by exposure
08:45 Rotation rule on serving food
15:56 3 categories of issues that J.T had when feeding her son
29:35 Strategies for your child to eat
32:40 Rotation rule is really important
34:27 External reasons for making eating decisions
49:20 Build links to new foods
Dina Rose's Books:
It's Not About the Broccoli: Three Habits to Teach Your Kids for a Lifetime of Healthy Eating. (Affiliate link)
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011: Does your child ever throw tantrums? (Part 1)
7 november 2016 · 19 min
So, does your child ever throw tantrums? Yes? Well, the good news is that you’re not alone. And this isn’t something us Western parents have brought upon ourselves with our strange parenting ways; they’re actually fairly common (although not universal) in other cultures as well. Lees meer
What causes a tantrum? And what can parents do to both prevent tantrums from occurring and cope with them more effectively once they start? Join us today to learn more.
Taming Your Triggers
If you need help with your own big feelings about your child’s behavior, register for the Taming Your Triggers workshop.
We’ll help you to:
Understand the real causes of your triggered feelings, and begin to heal the hurts that cause them
Use new tools like the ones Katie describes to find ways to meet both her and her children’s needs
Effectively repair with your children on the fewer instances when you are still triggered
Click the banner to learn more!
Jump to highlights
00:35 Introduction to today’s episode
01:00 The 1st, last, and only detailed research about this subject was published in 1931, then the research went quiet until the 1980s. Even since then, there’s only little information about this subject because tantrums can be hard to study at home
01:56 Age bracket of children who have tantrums, and this is the most common childhood behavior according to parents
02:30 Tantrums may occur in other cultures, according to Robert and Sarah LeVine’s recent book Do Parents Matter?
03:12 David Lancy’s book The Anthropology of Childhood cites several studies of other cultures that mention tantrum-like behavior.
04:55 Florence Goodenough wrote a book that was published in 1939, which described tantrums, implying that this is not a new phenomenon
06:30 Children who have older siblings have more frequent outbursts than first-born children
09:29 Goodenough asked parents at the beginning of the study what methods of controlling tantrums
12:15 Negotiation is considered to be a valued ability …
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010: Becoming Brilliant – Interview with Prof. Roberta Golinkoff
31 oktober 2016 · 43 min
In just a few years, today’s children and teens will forge careers that look nothing like those that were available to their parents or grandparents. While the U.S. economy becomes ever more information-driven, our system of education seems stuck on the idea that “content is king,” neglecting other skills that 21st century citizens sorely need. Lees meer
Backed by the latest scientific evidence and illustrated with examples of what’s being done right in schools today, Becoming Brilliant (Affiliate link) introduces the “6Cs” collaboration, communication, content, critical thinking, creative innovation, and confidence along with ways parents can nurture their children’s development in each area.
Join me for an engaging chat with award-winning Professor Roberta Golinkoff about the key takeaways from the new book.
Jump to highlights
00:35 Introducing the guest
02:11 Reason for writing the book Becoming Brilliant
03:49 Mission statement of the book
05:32 6 Competencies in the book
16:19 Teachable places are everywhere
24:42 Talk to your children
25:48 How do you have a conversation around the book
28:05 Books are important for children
29:08 How can we encourage our children to develop grit
33:42 2 Ways to view intelligence significant
References
Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit Scale. Available at: http://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/ (Duckworth also wrote a book, although I haven’t read it…yet…: http://angeladuckworth.com/grit-book/)
Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New York, NY: Random House.
Golinkoff, R.M., & Hirsch-Pasek, K. (2016). Becoming Brilliant: What science tells us about raising successful children. Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association.
Kohn, A. (1999). Punished By Rewards. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
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009: Do you punish your child with rewards?
24 oktober 2016 · 23 min
I’ve never said the words “good job” to my toddler. I was lucky – I stumbled on Alfie Kohn’s book Punished by Rewards early enough that I was able to break the habit before my daughter had really done anything much that might be construed as requiring a “good job.” Lees meer
I’m going to be absolutely transparent here and say that this episode draws very heavily on Alfie Kohn’s book Punished by Rewards, which – along with one of his other books, Unconditional Parenting, are a cornerstone of my approach to parenting. If you have time, you should absolutely buy the book and read it yourself. But assuming you don’t have the time for 300 pages of (really, very good) writing plus a hundred more of notes and references to explain why both physical and verbal rewards are just as harmful to your children as punishing them, this episode will help you to get to the crux of the issue much faster. I’ll also get into the research that Kohn draws on, as well as relevant research that’s been published since the book came out in 1993.
Kohn’s thesis is that saying “good job” is really no different than punishing your child, since rewards are essentially the same thing – stimuli designed to elicit a response. He argues that while this approach is actually quite effective in the short term, not only is it not effective in the long term but it doesn’t mesh well with the kinds of relationships that many of us think or say we want to have with our children.
Parenting Membership
If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out.
The Parenting Membership is now open for immediate enrollment. Sign up now!
Jump to highlights
00:38 Introduction of episode
03:57 What do the parent’s wanted to achieve when praising their children
09:23 4 Reasons why gi…
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008: The impact of stress and violence on children
17 oktober 2016 · 17 min
I’m afraid this is an episode I wish I didn’t have to record. Lees meer
When I launched the podcast I asked anyone who has a question about parenting or child development that I might be able to answer by reviewing the scientific literature to reach out and let me know, and someone got in touch to ask about the impact of domestic violence on children. I was a little hesitant to do an episode on it at first because I was hoping that this would be something that wouldn’t really affect the majority of my audience. But as I did a search of the literature I found that domestic violence is depressingly common and more children are exposed to it than we would like.
And if you’re getting ready to hit that ‘pause’ button and move on to a different episode, don’t do it yet – there’s also research linking exposure to domestic violence dragging down the test scores of everyone else in that child’s class. So even if you’re not hitting anyone or being hit yourself, this issue probably impacts someone in your child’s class, and thus it impacts your child, and thus it impacts you. Listen on to learn more about the effects of stress in general on children, and the effects of domestic violence in particular.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800.799.7233.
Jump to highlights:
00:38 Prelude of the episode
01:37 The general impact of stress in the unborn baby, as well at the infants and the pre-school children
05:00 Domestic violence is a common problem across the world
09:14 Abused women may deny their children the sense of basic trust and security that is the foundation of healthy emotional development
10:54 67% of children experienced violence
14:24 What can parents do to protect their children from domestic violence and stress
References
Anda, R.F., Felitti, V.J., Bremner, J.D., Walker, J.D., Whitfield, C., Perry, B.D., Dube, S.R., & Giles, W.H. (2006). The enduring effects of abuse and related adverse experiences in childhood: A convergence of evidence from neurobiology and ep…
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007: Help! My toddler won’t eat vegetables
10 oktober 2016 · 16 min
(Believe it or not, this is Carys’ “I freaking love homemade spinach ravioli with broccoli” face!) Lees meer
I was sitting in a restaurant recently with half an eye on a toddler and his parents at the next table. The parents were trying to get the toddler to eat some of his broccoli before he ate the second helping of chicken that he was asking for.
All of a sudden a line from Pink Floyd’s album “The Wall” popped into my head:
If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?
This is the way I was raised; you finish everything on your plate and you certainly don’t get dessert if you don’t finish your meal. But as is the custom with the Your Parenting Mojo podcast, I want to use this episode to question why we do this and find out what scientific research has to say about it all. We want our toddlers to eat a balanced diet, and we assume we have to teach them what a balanced diet means. But do we really? Or can we trust that our children will eat the foods that they need to be healthy? These are some of the questions we’ll set out to answer in this episode.
Jump to highlights
00:36 Introduction of episode
01:39 The first book to be published about children's eating behavior was in 1939 by Clara Mae Davis
03:25 Current dietary guidelines from 2010 state that children in a specific age range should get an appropriate caloric supply
04:57 The children didn't have access to all kinds of food
07:37 What causes children to like fruits and vegetables
09:27 The more we control what our children eat, the less control we seem to have over it
12:59 How would parents deal with this discussionReferences
Benton, D. (2004). Role of parents in the determination of the food preferences of children and the development of obesity. International Journal of Obesity 28, 858-869. DOI: 10.1038/sj.ijo.0802532
Birch LL. (1980). Effects of peer models’ food choices and eating behaviors on preschoolers’ food preferences. Child Develo…
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006: Wait, is my toddler racist?
3 oktober 2016 · 25 min
This episode is part of a series on understanding the intersection of race, privilege, and parenting. Click here to view all the items in this series. Lees meer
I’d always assumed that if I didn’t mention race to my daughter, if it was just a non-issue, that she wouldn’t grow up to be racist. Boy, was I wrong about that. It turns out that our brains are wired to make generalizations about people, and race is a pretty obviously noticeable way of categorizing people. If your child is older than three, try tearing a few pictures of White people and a few more of Black people out of a magazine and ask him to group them any way he likes. Based on the research, I’d put money on him sorting the pictures by race.
So what have we learned about reversing racism once it has already developed? How can we prevent our children from becoming racist in the first place? And where do they learn these things anyway? (Surprise: “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”)
Jump to highlights
00:37 Introduction of episode
02:03 The premise of Vedantam's book The Hidden Brain
02:51 Brain processors that happened using unconscious awareness
05:05 What happens to people after being caught making racist comments
08:36 Colorblind approach to socialization
15:00 The literature on attempts to reverse bias in children
23:07 Advice for parents about the episodeReferences
Aboud, F.E. (2003). The formation of in-group favoritism and out-group prejudice in children: Are they distinct attitudes? Developmental Psychology 39(1), 48-60.
Bigler, R. (1999). The user of multicultural curricula and materials to counter racism in children. Journal of Social Issues 55(4), 687-705.
Castelli, L., Zogmaister, C., & Tomelleri, S. (2009). The transmission of racial attitudes within the family. Developmental Psychology 45(2), 586-591.
Faber, J. (2006). “Kramer” apologizes, says he’s not racist. CBS News. Retrieved from: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/kramer-apologizes-says-hes-not-racist/
Frontline (1985). A class divide…
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005: How to “scaffold” children’s learning to help them succeed
26 september 2016 · 19 min
When I started talking with people about the idea for this podcast, one theme that came up consistently was the idea of supporting our children’s growth and development. A friend of mine summed it up most concisely and articulately by asking “how do I know when to lead and when I should step back and let my daughter lead?” Lees meer
This episode covers the concept of “scaffolding,” which is a method parents can use to observe and support their children’s development by providing just enough assistance to keep the child in their “Zone of Proximal Development.”
This tool can help you to know you’re providing enough support…but not so much that your child will never learn to be self-sufficient.
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Jump to highlights
00:38 Introduction of episode
01:27 3 Theorists of learning and development
04:49 Example of scaffolding
08:55 To many cultures scaffolding is neither needed nor used
09:37 Difference between experience expectant behavior and experience-dependent behavior
13:55 C…
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004: How to encourage creativity and artistic ability in young children – Interview with Dr. Tara Callaghan
19 september 2016 · 38 min
I’m so excited to welcome my first guest on the Your Parenting Mojo podcast: Professor Tara Callaghan of St. Francis Xavier University in Nova Scotia. Professor Callaghan has spent a great number of years studying the emergence of artistic ability in young children and she shares some of her insights with us. This is a rather longer episode than usual so here are some places you might want to skip ahead to if you have specific interest: Lees meer
03:55 The connection between individuality and creativity, especially in Western cultures
09:00 What is “symbolic representation” and why is the development of symbolic representation an important milestone for young children?
12:10 Is it helpful for parents to ask a child “What are you drawing?”
15:25 When do children understand symbols?
31:15 What can parents do to support children’s development of symbolic representation in particular and artistic ability in general?
Dr. Tara Callaghan's Book
Early social cognition in three cultural contexts - Affiliate link
References
Brownlee, P. (2016). Magic Places. Good Egg Books: Thames, NZ (must be ordered directly from the publisher in New Zealand; see: http://penniebrownlee.weebly.com/books.html)
Callaghan, T.C., Rackozy, H., Behne, T., Moll, H, Lizkowski, U., Warneken, F., & Tomasello, (2011). Early social cognition in three cultural contexts. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 76(2), Serial Number 299. http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/mono.2011.76.issue-2/issuetoc
Callaghan, T. & Corbit, J. (2015). The development of symbolic representation. In Vol. 2 (L. Liben & U. Muller, Vol. Eds.) of the 7th Edition (R. Lerner, Series Ed) of the Handbook of Child Psychology and Developmental Science (pp. 250-294). New York: Wiley.
Callaghan, T., & M. Rankin (2002). Emergence of graphic symbol functioning and the question of domain specificity: A longitudinal training study. Child Development, March/April 2002, 73:2, 359-376.
Callaghan, T., P. Rochat …
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003: Did you miss the boat on teaching your toddler how to read? (Me too!)
12 september 2016 · 17 min
So did you teach your toddler to read yet? And if not, why not? Lees meer
I’m just kidding, of course.
I wanted to write this episode on encouraging literacy in middle to older toddlers, but the more I researched the more I found the issues go much further back than what you do in toddlerhood.
Then I found – and read! – a 45,000 word essay by Larry Sanger, who taught his baby son to read. I’m not kidding. Check out the link to the video on YouTube in the references.
My two-year-old can’t read yet. Did I miss the boat? Would her learning outcomes have been better if I had taught her as a baby?
Is TV a good medium to teach reading and vocabulary?
What are some of the things parents of young toddlers can do to encourage reading readiness when the child is ready?
We talk about all this and more in episode 3, and there’s more to come for older toddlers in a few episodes time.
Jump to highlights
00:38 Introduction of episode
02:43 Vocabulary development
07:36 Academic instruction at an early age
08:10 2 things that stood out in the research
10:09 What should you be doing to encourage future literacy in children
10:54 6 principles of word learning development
12:00 Interactive and responsive context
References
American Academy of Pediatrics (2016). Media and Children. Accessed August 19th, 2016. Retrieved from: https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/Pages/Media-and-Children.aspx?rf=32524&nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token
Carlsson-Paige, N., G. Bywater McLaughlin, and J. Wolfsheimer Almon (2015). Reading instruction in kindergarten: Little to gain and much to lose. Available online at: http://www.allianceforchildhood.org/sites/allianceforchildhood.org/files/file/Reading_Instruction_in_Kindergarten.pdf
Christakis, D.A. (2008). The effects of infant media usage: What do we know and what should we learn? Acta Paediatrica 98, 8-16. Full article available at: http://echd43…
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002: Why doesn’t my toddler share?
19 augustus 2016 · 17 min
Imagine this: you’re with your toddler son or daughter at a playground on a Saturday afternoon so there are a lot of people around. You’re sitting on a bench while your child plays in the sandpit where several others are playing as well. You’re half paying attention while you catch up with some texts on your phone. You hear a scream and when you look up you see a child you don’t know clutching tightly onto the spade your child had been playing with, and your child is about to burst into tears. Lees meer
Or this: You’re at the playground on a Saturday afternoon and your child is in the sand pit, but when you hear the scream you look up to see your child holding the spade, and a child you don’t know has clearly just had it removed from his possession.
What do you do?
Assuming you want your children to learn how to share things, what’s the best way to encourage that behavior? What signs can you look for to understand whether they’re developmentally ready? Does praising a child who proactively shares something encourage her to do it again – or make her less likely to share in the future? We’ll answer all these questions and more.
Jump to highlights
00:37 Introduction of episode
02:10 Drastic steps to promote sharing behavior
02:54 The key goal for resting parents
03:28 Concepts for sharing behavior
04:55 Concept of ownership
07:07 Understand the thing for you to be yours
07:29 Understanding of time
08:20 Impulse control
11:42 Shaming a child into sharing
14:55 Five sharing strategies you can teach children
References
Brownell, C., S. Iesue, S. Nichols, and M. Svetlova (2012). Mine or Yours? Development of Sharing in Toddlers in Relation to Ownership Understanding. Child Development 84:3 906-920. Full article available at: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3578097/
Crary, E. (2013). The secret of toddler sharing: Why sharing is hard and how to make it easier. Parenting Press, Seattle, WA.
Davis, L., and J. Keyser (1997). Becoming the parent you want to…
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001: The influence of culture on parenting
18 augustus 2016 · 15 min
Have you ever thought about how common the murder of children has been in societies we now call “Western” in the past, as well as societies all over the world today? Lees meer
In my naivete as a parent I figured there would be some differences in how people parent their children around the world, but I never imagined that people in my own back yards would parent completely differently from me. And I sort of figured that the ‘around the world’ differences were mostly a function of the availability of products and services – wouldn’t everyone encourage artistic ability if they had access to paper and crayons? Turns out it’s not the case.
Elders and even ancestors occupied the top of the family heap in most societies for most of our history. In Western (also called “WEIRD”) societies, we’ve reversed this paradigm and children find themselves ruling the roost. Yet we’re also starting to “borrow” elements of other cultures – like baby-wearing and elimination communication. I’ll also examine how several other cultures approach topics like transmitting knowledge and shaping behavior.
You might ask yourself “but why do I care whether a three year-old Warao child in Venezuela can paddle a canoe?” It was learning about these kinds of cultural differences that allowed me to take a step back and see the information I’m transmitting to my own daughter that’s based on my culture, and think through whether these are the kinds of messages I want to send to her. How did your culture and experience shape you, and have you made a conscious decision to include these elements of your culture in your parenting style or are you just running on autopilot?
Jump to highlights
00:36 Introduction of episode
00:59 The anthropology of childhood
01:52 A study in Hungary
03:57 Infant death became the cause of public concern
04:37 The child's right not to be hit
04:55 Every decision we make as parents is determined by our culture
06:11 Every child is different
07:57 Parents control their childre…
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000: Philosophy (aka “What’s this Podcast All About?”)
15 augustus 2016 · 15 min
I always thought the infant phase would be the hardest part of parenting, when all the baby does is eat and sleep and cry. Now I have a toddler I’m finding it’s harder than having a baby, some of the support systems that I had when she was a baby aren’t there any more, and the parenting skills I need are totally different. How do I even know what I need to learn to not mess up this parenting thing? Should I go back to school to try to figure it all out? Lees meer
In this episode I’ll tell you the history and principles behind the podcast and what we’ll learn together.
Note: When I revamped the website I decided that after two years of shows, some of the information in this episode was out of date. I recently re-recorded it to highlight the resources I’ve created for you.
Please do subscribe to the show by entering your name and email address in the box below to receive updates when new podcast episodes and blog posts are published, as well as calls for questions and occasional requests for co-interviewers. And if you’d like to continue the conversation, come join us in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook Group!
Jump to highlights
00:03 What Your Parenting Mojo is about. This podcast examines strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting.
03:00 Two main principles of the podcast: The first is respectful parenting, also called R.I.E. The second is using scientific research wherever it's available.
09:22 Each episode takes 10 to 40 hours of research with citations included.
10:51 What else does Jen offer beyond the podcast? She offers consultations on specific parenting challenges, has courses on homeschooling and parenting in school systems, and runs a membership group called Finding Your Parenting Mojo, where parents work on reducing conflict and making sure their daily interactions with kids match their parenting goals.
12:29 Wrapping up
References
(On the topic of Reggi…