Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive
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Episode Summary 13: What Is Neuroaffirming ADHD Support? A Counselor Explains
2 november 2026 · 29 min
A while back I sat through an hour of Dr. Russ Barkley, a global expert on ADHD, walking through the statistics: more car accidents, more health problems, and a life expectancy he says is 7 to 13 years shorter, driven mainly by a lack of impulse control. When the hour was over, I remember thinking that if I had a kid with ADHD, I would be absolutely terrified. Lees meer
Right after that, I took a second training, Becoming a Neuro-Affirming Clinician, hosted by B. Lourenco. The difference between the two couldn’t have been more profound. Barkley starts with executive function and asks how to fix it. B. Lourenco asks why executive function is hard in the first place, and what we can do to support people with ADHD that might involve medication, but might not.
In this conversation, B. Lourenco explains why she thinks ADHD starts with attention regulation, and what she says to Dr. Russ Barkley’s claim that impulse control drives that shorter life expectancy. We talk about Dr. Russ Barkley’s view that kids shouldn’t get any say in whether they take medication, and what a parent who desperately longs for quiet and predictability can do when their kid wants noise and novelty all day long.
Questions this episode will answer
What does neuroaffirming mean? Neuroaffirming approaches start from the idea that ADHD is one of the ways brains work, and that it has been around about as long as humans have. It takes out the shame, then looks for ways to adapt that fit how you work and for the strengths that come with ADHD.
Does ADHD shorten life expectancy? Dr. Russ Barkley says it does, by 7 to 13 years, driven mainly by poor impulse control. B. Lourenco agrees that health outcomes differ but disputes the explanation, because a doctor who sees only impulse control can miss co-occurring conditions that affect health.
Are kids with ADHD overmedicated? B. Lourenco says over-medication was real for a generation of kids: too many were medicated, and many were given too much. She also says me…
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Episode Summary 12: Is ADHD a Disability, or Just a Difference We Treat Like One?
19 oktober 2026 · 22 min
This is the third and final episode in our series on Dr. Russ Barkley's approach to ADHD. In the first episode, we looked at how ADHD gets diagnosed and why diagnosis rates keep climbing. In the second episode, we covered the medication research - including the largest ADHD treatment study ever conducted, and why most kids stop taking medication within a few years. This episode zooms out to ask a bigger question about whether the medical model has misunderstood ADHD from the start. Lees meer
This excerpt covers two sections from the full episode: the bell curve Barkley uses to define who has a disorder and who doesn't, and why that framing itself is the problem. And the causal pathway behind the outcomes Barkley warns about - because when you look at the wider body of research, the path from ADHD to reduced life expectancy has a lot more steps in it than Barkley acknowledges, including the peer rejection and teacher stigma kids with ADHD face. The full episode goes further into the evolutionary history behind ADHD traits, the history of how ADHD became a diagnosis, and researcher Andrew Ivan Brown's concept of "misrecognition" - available to members.
Questions this episode will answer
Is ADHD a disability? The answer depends on which definition of disability you're using. Under a strictly medical definition, ADHD is often treated as a brain-based disorder. But under other frameworks, ADHD looks like a mismatch between a person and their environment.
Is ADHD not a disorder? Some researchers argue ADHD fails to meet the two standards a mental disorder is supposed to meet, once you account for the environment ADHD traits evolved in. This episode walks through that argument step by step.
Do people with ADHD struggle with friendships? Yes. Kids with ADHD are far more likely to be rejected by their peers than other kids, and a large share experience ongoing, chronic exclusion.
Why does ADHD still have a negative stigma, and are people with ADHD discriminated against? Teacher…
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RE-RELEASE: What’s Really Behind Your Hardest Parenting Days
5 oktober 2026 · 42 min
You did everything right today, and it still wasn't enough. Your kid melted down over something small, you lost your patience faster than you wanted to, and now you're lying in bed wondering if today's hard moment left a mark. Lees meer
In this episode, I get into why some days with our kids are harder than others, and it's rarely just about what happened in that one moment. Temperament mismatch (or a temperament match that causes its own friction), the attachment patterns we picked up long before we had kids, unresolved hurt from our own childhoods, we're carrying more into these interactions than we usually notice.
I share a wilderness first-responder question that changes what to do in the first ten seconds of a hard moment, a parent's story of a forgiveness that happened in her body before it happened in her head, and why the thing you think you need in the moment, five minutes alone, your kid to just listen, is almost never your actual need.
Questions this episode will answer
Why is parenting so hard? It's rarely just the moment in front of you. Temperament mismatch with your child, the attachment patterns you learned long before you had kids, unresolved hurt from your own childhood, and undiagnosed things like ADHD or anxiety all stack on top of each other, so it doesn't take much to push you over the edge on a day that looks fine from the outside.
Why am I so stressed with my kids? Stress in a parenting moment is rarely about the shoes not getting put on. It's usually a strategy standing in for a real need, rest, competence, connection, that's been going unmet for a while. Once you find the need underneath the surface fight, the fight itself tends to lose its grip.
How to be a calmer parent? Start with the same question a wilderness first responder asks first: is the scene safe? Can it be made safe? Once it is, the next move isn't to fix anything, it's to do nothing. Sit down near your kid, take a breath, and try: "It seems like you're having a hard time right n…
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Episode Summary 11: Breaking the Cycle: One Mom’s Honest Story
28 september 2026 · 24 min
You promised yourself you wouldn't become your mother. Then your kid won't put their shoes on for the third time, and the voice that comes out isn't really yours. Lees meer
In this episode, I talk with Terese, a parent who grew up walking on eggshells around a mother who yelled often. She would yell because Terese had her school books on the dinner table - and then after dinner, she would yell because the books were in the living room. Terese knew she wanted to raise her own kids differently, but she didn’t have a model for what that would look like.
She shares what it took to finally stop hearing her mom's words come out of her own mouth, how she navigates her kids fighting with calm and confidence - and what she says to her kids on the nights it doesn't go as well.
We hear how she talks to herself in the moments right before she'd normally snap, and how her son learned to apologize for his mistakes without being asked or told.
Questions this episode will answer
What is breaking generational patterns? It starts with catching yourself mid-reaction (and eventually before your reaction), and recognizing where it came from - often a hurt you experienced in childhood. Healing that pain, and learning new ways to be with your kids that meets both of your needs, actually breaks the cycle.
How do I stop yelling when I'm angry? Staying logical or repeating yourself more calmly rarely holds once a kid is already melting down. Instead, try to notice when you’re just a little bit agitated - your shoulders are tight; your fists are clenched; there’s a lump in your throat. That’s the moment to remind yourself of what matters most to you - your relationship with your kids.
How do you resolve conflict between siblings? Taking the toy away ends the fight but doesn't teach anything. When you can find out what need each child is trying to meet (e.g. autonomy, connection), you can find strategies to help both of them meet their needs. That’s how they learn how to solve their own conflict…
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10 Years, 10 Lessons: Everything I Got Wrong About Parenting
21 september 2026 · 50 min
Before my daughter was born, I made a book split into two halves. One cover said 'me.' The other said 'you.' I filled the 'you' side with a list of hopes for who she'd become. I had a lot of ideas about the person she should be before I'd ever met her. Lees meer
This episode marks ten years of the podcast, and I'm using it to walk through ten things I got wrong along the way. Because if you're in the middle of any of these yourself, I want you to know exactly where I started.
I'll cover what I misunderstood about the RIE approach and Magda Gerber's work, how I mixed up authoritative and authoritarian parenting in an early episode and had to go back and correct it on air, and a fight over a dose of antibiotics that taught me the difference between managing my daughter's behavior and understanding what was underneath it. Then I get into what I got wrong about myself: a resentment that built for months in my marriage before I understood what a need even was, a moment mid-interview when I realized one of my biggest triggers had nothing to do with my daughter, and the Alfie Kohn book that planted the seed for how I parent now. I close with what I got wrong about parenting itself, and why, ten years in, I still think most of us are trying to do this without the people around us it takes.
Questions this episode will answer
What is the RIE approach to parenting? RIE, developed by Magda Gerber, treats infants as capable people who deserve respect from birth. I only found out about it because friends who practiced RIE came to meet my daughter right after she was born, right before they moved away. This episode gets into what happened after that one visit.
What's the difference between authoritative and authoritarian parenting? Authoritative parenting is warm and sets limits through relationship, while authoritarian parenting sets limits through control and obedience. I got these two labels mixed up on the podcast in 2017. This episode looks at what happened when I dug into the re…
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Why Your Preschooler Is Hitting, Biting, or Kicking (And What Helps)
7 september 2026 · 21 min
Your child's preschool number shows up on your caller ID, and your stomach drops before you even answer. Preschool never calls with good news. Your kid hit someone at the sand table, or kicked a friend in line for the bathroom, and now you're standing there wondering if you have to call another parent and apologize, and whether this is the start of your kid becoming the one nobody wants to play with. Lees meer
The conversation you have that night probably isn't the first one. You remind your child that we keep our hands to ourselves. Maybe there's an early bedtime attached this time, to show them you mean it. Then the same thing happens again the next week, and you start to wonder what you're missing.
In this episode, I walk through what's actually driving hitting, biting, and kicking at preschool, both for kids who are dealing with a classroom that controls almost everything about their body for the first time, and for teachers managing a room of 20 kids with their own competing pressures. I share what happened when a child hit a teacher after being physically moved into circle time, and a moment from my own daughter's classroom where a nap-time standoff got resolved without anyone losing. By the end, you'll have a different question to ask than "how do I get the hitting to stop."
Questions this episode will answer
Is it normal for preschoolers to hit? Hitting, biting, and kicking are common at this age, especially once a child spends most of the day in a classroom where someone else controls when they sit, move, and talk. That loss of control is often what's underneath the hitting for three and four year olds.
How do I stop my 4 year old from hitting at school? Repeating "hitting isn't okay" rarely works, because most kids already know that before the conversation happens. Look instead at what happened right before the hit, and what was building up earlier in the day.
What are some common behavior problems that 4-year-olds experience in school? Hitting, biting, and k…
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Re-release: Creative Problem-Solving (Without Giving the Answer)
17 augustus 2026 · 54 min
Sara's four-year-old started asking permission for things he used to just do on his own, like grabbing the markers off his own shelf. It was a small request, but it worried her, since nothing about her home had ever required asking first. Lees meer
This episode follows what she did next. Sara gets specific about creative problem-solving in action: a drone in the sky and a line of dump trucks waiting outside a construction site. She talks through the exact question that became her compass whenever self-doubt crept back in, and the moment she realized a pattern from her own childhood was at risk of repeating itself in how she was raising her son. If you've ever wondered whether teaching without teaching is even possible while working full time, this conversation walks through what that looked like, day to day.
Questions this episode will answer
What does creative problem-solving look like in a young child? It looks like a kid testing an idea out loud and building on what he already knows instead of waiting to be told. One example: a child working out on his own that a package of sliced cheese needs a sealed bag to stay fresh, after being asked one question instead of given the answer.
How do you support a child's exploratory learning without taking over? Don't give the answer, and the next step tends to follow on its own. A parent's role becomes watching for what the child already knows and how much support helps him move past it.
What is exploratory play, and why does it matter for learning? Exploratory play lets a child test a theory before anyone tells him whether he's right or wrong. A child watching construction vehicles at a work site can build a working idea of how they function, purely from observation and his own reasoning, with no lesson required.
What kind of parenting leads to perfectionism in children? Growing up under pressure to be the best at everything can turn into a lasting belief that anything less isn't good enough. That belief tends to surface again…
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Re-release: Raising an Entrepreneur (Without Taking Over Their Business)
3 augustus 2026 · 1 uur
When my daughter Carys was 10, she started a pet-sitting business. She opened a Roth IRA with the income, built a client base of dog walkers and cat owners in our neighborhood, and figured out a system for remembering security codes only after a couple of alarms went off by accident. Lees meer
This episode is about that decision. Skills needed for entrepreneurship come from real clients and real consequences. A kid learns to be reliable because someone is counting on her. She learns to communicate clearly, and to recognize her own capacity before she hits the edge of it. That kind of learning comes from a parent who knows the difference between sage on the stage and guide on the side. I talk through what that looked like week to week: the systems Carys built on her own and the boundary she set with a client who wanted an early morning walk. I also discussed the lessons on money that came from managing income. If you've wondered how to raise entrepreneurs without turning it into your own project, this one is for you.
Questions this episode will answer
What skills does a child develop through entrepreneurship? Kids build reliability, organization, client communication, and the ability to recognize their own limits before they hit them. All of it develops through the pressure of real clients depending on them.
How do you raise a child to think like an entrepreneur? Step back and ask questions instead of giving answers. Let a manageable mistake happen. A child develops judgment by using it, through real experiences.
What are the benefits of entrepreneurship for kids? Beyond income, kids build boundary-setting, financial literacy, and confidence that carries into other parts of their life, including schoolwork and how they talk with adults outside the family.
How do you teach a child financial responsibility? Let business income lead to real decisions about saving and giving some of it away. A custodial Roth IRA becomes possible once a child has earned income of her own, an…
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Episode Summary 10: Burnout vs Depression: The Mental Load of Mothers
15 juni 2026 · 18 min
Many mothers go to the doctor because they feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and they aren’t sleeping - and leave with a depression diagnosis and a prescription. The message is: your brain isn't working right, and medication will help you cope. Lees meer
But what if the problem isn't your brain at all? In this episode, I talk with journalist Bob Whitaker, who has spent decades investigating psychiatric treatment in the U.S. We look at how women's distress has been medicalized instead of taken seriously as a response to impossible circumstances.
We look at how antidepressants work, which is quite different from what the drug companies have been telling us for years. He also shares the results of a New Zealand study on postpartum depression that should have changed how we support new mothers - but didn't.
Questions this episode will answer
Is it burnout or depression? Burnout and depression share a lot of the same symptoms - exhaustion, low mood, difficulty functioning - but they have different roots. Burnout is a response to sustained, unmanageable circumstances. Depression, as it's currently diagnosed and treated, is framed as a brain malfunction. This episode looks at why this difference matters, and why so many mothers get a depression diagnosis when they’re experiencing burnout.
Why are mothers more likely to be diagnosed with depression? Mothers in the US are frequently carrying an unequal share of household work, childcare, and mental load - often while also working full time - with little support. When that situation becomes unsustainable, the distress it causes is then treated as an individual brain problem rather than a response to a broken system.
What prevents postpartum depression? A study out of New Zealand found that consistent, practical support - help with the actual work of running a household - significantly reduced postpartum depression. But even though the findings were significant, more support has not become the standard of care.
Should I take antidepr…
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266: If ADHD Medication Doesn’t Help Kids Learn, What Does?
1 juni 2026 · 30 min
If you listened to our first episode on ADHD, you already know that the story most parents get about the diagnosis has some significant gaps - in the diagnostic criteria, in the research funding, and in the case for lifelong stimulant medication. This episode goes deeper on the topic of medication for kids. Lees meer
Most parents medicating their child with ADHD in the U.S. are doing it because they want their child to learn and succeed in school (social concerns are seen as more important to parents in the U.K.). But the largest ADHD treatment study ever conducted followed 538 children for six to eight years - and found no difference in academic achievement, grades, or test scores between kids who stayed on medication and kids who didn't. There were no significant differences even after the medicated group increased their average daily dose by 41%.
Medication changes kids’ behavior, but it doesn't improve learning. And once you understand what the research shows really helps kids with ADHD in the classroom - and why most kids stop taking medication within a few years - the conversation about treatment may look very different.
Questions this episode will answer
Does ADHD medication help with school? The largest and most comprehensive study of ADHD treatment ever conducted followed children for six to eight years. At the six and eight year follow-ups, children who stayed on medication did no better academically than children who weren't taking medication - even though the medicated group had increased their average daily dose by 41%.
What can I use instead of ADHD medication? Research shows that small group instruction and differentiated teaching strategies produce real learning gains for kids with ADHD - gains that medication alone doesn't deliver. In a controlled study, kids learned vocabulary, social studies, and science through good teaching. Medication didn't add any learning benefit on top of that.
Do ADHD medications affect learning in the long-term? A crossover …
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265: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards: How Kids Learn Best
11 mei 2026 · 30 min
Most parents have heard that play is how children learn. But in a world full of educational toys (even for babies, preschoolers, and kindergarteners!), enrichment classes, structured activities, and apps designed to make babies smarter, making time for play is harder than it sounds. The pressure to get kids ahead earlier keeps building - and the research that's supposed to reassure us often gets buried under the noise. Lees meer
Dr. Kathy Hirsh-Pasek has spent more than 20 years studying how children learn. She's a psychology professor at Temple University, a Senior Fellow at the Brookings Institution, and co-author of Einstein Never Used Flash Cards - just updated for the age of smartphones, tablets, and AI.
In this conversation, she makes the case that the characteristics that make play so engaging for kids are the exact same characteristics that produce the deepest learning. And she explains why the push to start earlier and do more may be working directly against what parents say they want for their kids.
Questions this episode will answer
Did Einstein use flashcards? Of course not! The point of Einstein Never Used Flash Cards is that you don’t need to provide direct instruction to young kids for them to be smart and successful. The skills that lead to real achievement - problem-solving, collaboration, creative thinking - are built through active, hands-on, joyful learning, not memorization drills.
What is playful learning? Playful learning is not the same as free play. It combines a clear learning goal with an approach that is active, engaging, meaningful, socially interactive, and joyful. Dr. Hirsh-Pasek walks through what this looks like in real classrooms - and in your own kitchen.
What is an example of a play-based learning activity? A kindergarten class learning about weather by using droppers and water to measure precipitation, then comparing and averaging their results. Another group acting as a live weather broadcast - a five-year-old using the words "high…
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264: Who Really Decided Your Child Needs ADHD Medication?
27 april 2026 · 48 min
If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, stimulant medication is probably the first thing their doctor mentioned. And if you're trying to figure out whether it's the right choice for your family, you deserve more than a pamphlet published by a drug company. You deserve the full picture - including what the research really shows, who funded it, and the questions the medical model of ADHD hasn't answered. Lees meer
The story most parents get is a tidy one: ADHD is a chronic brain disorder, it's highly heritable, and stimulant medication is the most effective treatment. That story comes mostly from one very influential researcher, Dr. Russell Barkley, and it has shaped how millions of families make medication decisions.
But when you look closely, cracks start to appear - in the diagnostic criteria, in the science, and in the financial ties between the researchers who built the medical model and the pharmaceutical companies that profit from it.
Questions this episode will answer
What are the DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing ADHD? The DSM-5 requires children to show at least 6 symptoms (5 for adults) that appear "often" across multiple settings. But who decides how often is "often" - and whether a behavior is "inappropriate" - turns out to be deeply shaped by cultural values, not objective measurement.
Why are ADHD diagnoses increasing? Research shows that school accountability policies like No Child Left Behind drove significant increases in ADHD diagnoses, particularly among low-income children. In some states, diagnosing a child with ADHD could raise a school's average test scores - creating a financial incentive that had nothing to do with the child's actual needs.
What is Russell Barkley's theory of ADHD? Barkley sees ADHD as a chronic, highly heritable brain disorder rooted in deficits in executive functioning. He compares it to diabetes: a lifelong condition requiring ongoing treatment, primarily with stimulant medication. This episode examines both his framework and…
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263: What’s Really Behind Your Child’s End-of-Day Meltdowns
20 april 2026 · 20 min
If your child holds it together all day at preschool or daycare and then completely unravels the moment they get home - melting down over dinner, refusing to use the potty, making every transition a battle - you're watching afterschool restraint collapse in action. It's exhausting. And it can bring up some painful feelings for parents too, including wondering whether your presence is making things harder, not easier. Lees meer
In this coaching call I worked with Kathleen, parent of a three-year-old who just started full-time preschool. By the end of every day, her daughter is struggling with dinner, potty time, bath, and bedtime - and Kathleen can't figure out whether to offer more structure or less, more connection or more space. If your child is having a hard time in the evenings and you don’t know how to help, this episode is for you.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
What are the symptoms of afterschool restraint collapse? After a full day of holding it together in a structured environment, many kids hit a wall when they get home. You might see meltdowns over small things, refusal to eat, resistance to transitions like bath or bedtime, or a child who seems to want you desperately but also can't settle when you're there.
Why do some kids struggle with transitions at the end of the day? When a child's capacity is low - from tiredness, hunger, or being away from you all day - even simple transitions take more than they have left. It’s similar to how we might be a little more ‘snappy’ in the evening when we’re tired than in the morning when we have a bit more capacity.
Why is my 3 year old refusing to eat dinner? For kids in full-time daycare or preschool, the need for connection with a parent can be so strong by dinnertime that eating takes a back seat. Sitting with you matters more than the food on the plate. And even though the child might be physically capable of feeding themselves, the effort required to coordinate food onto a fork or spoon and into the mouth is j…
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262: How Limits Show Up in Your Child’s Body
13 april 2026 · 37 min
If your morning routine for preschool looks less like a smooth routine and more like 21 rounds of "no", "stop", and "not like that" before 8 am, then things aren’t working well for either of you. Lees meer
In this episode, we walk through one ordinary preschool morning minute by minute, from the cereal bowl to the car seat buckle.
We also learn how to move from: "how do I get my child to cooperate" to: what is going on inside my child's body right now, and what are they trying to communicate through the flopping, dawdling, silliness, and defiance?
Because when you understand that, you can find strategies that meet both of your needs.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
Why is my child so difficult in the morning? Preschoolers live almost entirely in the present moment and learn through movement and touch. When a morning is filled with a steady stream of corrections, their nervous system experiences it as "everything I do is wrong" - and the silliness, defiance, or shutdown you see is their body's response to that overload.
Why is my child grumpy in the morning? It's often less about the time of day and more about the cumulative weight of limits. When children experience correction after correction with little room for exploration or connection, grumpiness and shutdown are common signals that their needs aren't being met.
Why do kids dilly-dally and dawdle in the morning? What looks like dawdling is often a child following genuine curiosity, moving their body the way it wants to go, or trying to connect with you before the day pulls you apart.
What is meant by "behavior is communication"? Preschoolers don't yet have the words to say "this is too much for me" or "I need to feel close to you right now". So they show you with their bodies. Finger-stirring cereal, flopping on the floor, asking to be carried - each of these is a message, if you know how to listen for it. When you understand that message you can help them meet their need - which also meets your needs for pea…
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261: Why Your Kids Fight (It’s Not What You Think)
30 maart 2026 · 22 min
If your kids are fighting constantly, you're probably exhausted from playing referee. Maybe they're arguing over whose toy is whose, poking and teasing each other until someone cries, or telling you two completely different stories about what happened. And when you step in to help, nothing seems to work. Lees meer
In this free Beyond the Behavior group coaching call, parent Stacey’s 12-year-old and 7-year-old are caught in a cycle of constant sibling conflict - poking, teasing, hitting, and yes, even lying to get each other in trouble.
We might think that sibling fighting is about mean-ness, but actually it’s a signal of underlying needs. Once you understand what's driving the behavior, you'll have real tools to help your kids work through conflict - and a process for helping them find solutions that work for both of them.
Click here to download the Steps on How to Stop Sibling Conflict Infographic
Questions This Episode Will Answer
Is sibling fighting normal?
Some conflict between siblings is common, but constant fighting - where nothing you try seems to work - is usually a signal that your child is trying to meet a specific need. Once you know what it is, it will be much easier to find a strategy that works for both of you.
What causes siblings to fight so much?
The reason kids fight is often not what it looks like on the surface. Common needs children are trying to meet through fighting include:
Connection with a parent (when they hit a sibling, they know they have your attention!)
To be seen/known/understood by you, and they don’t know how to express that, and they take out their frustration on their sibling
To play! A surprising number of kids will hit another kid to say: “Will you play with me?”
What are the most common triggers for sibling fights?
Most sibling fights start with an immediate need to play, a need for connection with you (and fighting with their sibling gets your attention) or a broader lack of wellbeing in the family that they express throu…
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260: How the World’s Toxic Systems Live Inside Our Parenting
9 maart 2026 · 45 min
If you've been watching the news and feeling despair because you can’t do anything about it, this episode is for you. Lees meer
The Epstein files, revealing how powerful men think about, talk about, and treat women.
ICE raids tearing families apart.
Strikes on Iranian cities - and schools full of children!
In this episode, I make a direct connection between these social issues and what happens inside our homes every day.
The patterns playing out on a global scale - where the person with more power decides whose feelings count - show up in our families too, often in moments we don't even notice, and that seem like they’re about discipline. The decisions we make in those moments are quietly teaching our kids lessons we may not intend to pass on.
Questions this episode will answer
What do ICE raids have to do with parenting? When children watch some families live in fear of being separated while others are basically safe by default, they learn that some people's safety matters more than others. That same lesson can show up at home when we use our power as parents to override our kids' feelings and needs.
Why is it important to teach kids about consent? Research shows that girls start shifting from seeing their body as something that helps them do things to seeing it as something to be judged - often earlier than we realize. Teaching consent starts long before those conversations about sex. It starts when we stop forcing our children to accept hugs and give kisses they don’t want from well-meaning relatives.
How do you explain consent to children? Consent is about whose body, feelings, and needs matter most. When we override our child's no - even in small everyday moments - we teach them that the person with more power wins. This episode explores what it looks like to do things differently.
How do the Iran strikes connect to how we raise our kids? When leaders frame bombing cities where children live as "protecting freedom", they're using the same logic many of us hear…
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Episode Summary 09: Is Your Child’s Diagnosis Reliable? The DSM Explained
2 maart 2026 · 23 min
When a doctor hands your child a diagnosis, it can be a relief - finally, an explanation for their behavior! But sociologist Dr. Allan Horwitz has spent decades studying how psychiatric diagnoses are made, and what he's found raises serious questions about how much weight that label should carry. Lees meer
In this episode, Dr. Horwitz walks through how the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) - the manual that defines every mental health diagnosis - was built less on scientific research than on professional politics, institutional pressure, and the practical needs of insurance companies.
He traces how depression went from a diagnosis given to a small fraction of the population to one of the most common diagnoses in the world, and explains exactly what happened to reliability when the DSM-5 was tested in real clinical conditions.
He also looks at how the same behaviors get labeled very differently depending on a child's age, race, class, and cultural background - and why that matters for every parent trying to figure out whether a diagnosis is actually helping their child.
This episode won't tell you to reject diagnosis outright. But it will give you the critical knowledge to ask better questions when a label is offered for your child.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
What is the DSM and why does it matter for my child?
The DSM is the manual psychiatrists and psychologists use to diagnose every mental health condition. It determines what insurance will cover, what services your child can access, and what label follows them through school and into treatment.
Who created the DSM and who controls it?
The American Psychiatric Association publishes the DSM, but its diagnostic criteria were largely shaped by a small group of people - predominantly white men with ties to pharmaceutical companies - whose process looked more like sausage-making than science.
Why is DSM-5 criticized by researchers?
Field trials for DSM-5 showed reliability had actually declined from ear…
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259: Understanding Why Your Child Hits (And What Actually Helps)
16 februari 2026 · 28 min
When your three-year-old hits you, their sibling, or another child, it's easy to feel frustrated, embarrassed, or even angry. You might wonder if this challenging behavior means something is wrong with your child or your parenting. Lees meer
In this episode, I help you see hitting in a completely different way. Instead of viewing it as a problem to eliminate, we'll explore what your child is trying to communicate through their actions. You'll discover how hitting is often your child's attempt to meet important needs when they don't yet have the words or skills to do it differently. This shift in perspective changes everything about how you respond.
Most advice about hitting focuses on consequences, time-outs, or behavior charts. But these approaches miss what's really happening. In this episode, I walk you through real examples from parents dealing with hitting, and show you how to identify the feelings and needs driving the behavior. If you're not sure where to start with identifying your child's needs, this quick quiz can help you figure out which needs might be going unmet.
You'll learn practical strategies for helping your child develop replacement behaviors for hitting that actually meet their needs. Whether your child hits when they're frustrated, overwhelmed, or seeking connection, you'll leave with tools to support them while also taking care of yourself and keeping everyone safe.
Questions this episode will answer
Is it normal for 3 year olds to hit? Yes, hitting is common in early childhood. Three-year-olds are still developing language skills and emotional regulation, so they often use physical actions to communicate feelings or meet needs they can't express in words yet.
What is a replacement behavior for hitting? Replacement behaviors depend on what need your child is trying to meet. If they're seeking sensory input, alternatives might include squeezing play dough or pushing against a wall. If they're expressing frustration, they might learn to stomp their…
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RE-RELEASE: Parental Burnout: Is Your Exhaustion Affecting Your Children?
9 februari 2026 · 1 uur 1 min
Are you exhausted in a way that sleep doesn't fix? Do you find yourself more irritable with your children than you ever imagined possible? You might be experiencing parental burnout and you're far from alone. Lees meer
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Moïra Mikolajczak, one of the world's leading researchers on parental burnout, along with listener Kelly, who shares her raw, honest experience of burning out while raising her young daughter. Dr. Mikolajczak reveals groundbreaking research showing that parents in burnout have cortisol levels twice as high as other parents - even higher than people suffering from chronic pain or experiencing marital abuse.
We explore why Western parents are at such high risk compared to parents in other cultures, what happens when the pressure to be a "perfect parent" collides with isolation and lack of support, and most importantly, what actually works for recovery. Kelly opens up about the moment she had a complete breakdown far from home, unable to even find her way to a train station, and the seven-month journey that followed.
If you've ever felt like you're racing through life unable to stop, or wondered whether your exhaustion is affecting your children, this episode offers both validation and a path forward.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
What is parental burnout?
Parental burnout is an exhaustion disorder where parents feel completely depleted by their parenting role. It includes four main symptoms: extreme exhaustion that doesn't improve with sleep, emotional distancing from your children, loss of pleasure in parenting, and a painful contrast between the parent you are now and the parent you wanted to be.
What are the symptoms of parental burnout?
The clearest warning signs are fatigue that persists despite adequate sleep and increased irritability, especially when you're with your children but not at work. Parents may experience mood swings, feel unable to recognize themselves, struggle with violent feelings toward the…
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Episode Summary 08: What Is Collaborative Parenting? Real Parent Story
2 februari 2026 · 28 min
When you started parenting, you probably had ideas about the kind of parent you wanted to be. Maybe you imagined patient bedtimes and peaceful mornings. Then reality hit, and you found yourself doing things you swore you'd never do. Lees meer
Parent Maile Grace knows this feeling well. In this conversation, she shares how her parenting values have shifted since her daughter was born. She talks about moving away from strategies like timeouts that seemed to work in the moment but didn't align with what she truly wanted for her relationship with her child.
You'll hear how she supports her kids when they're fighting instead of jumping in to fix everything, and why building connections with neighbors matters more to her now than having a perfectly organized home. If you've ever wondered whether collaborative parenting actually works in real life, this episode gives you a peek into one family's experience.
Questions this episode will answer
What is collaborative parenting? Collaborative parenting means working with your child to solve problems instead of using punishments or rewards to control their behavior. It involves understanding what your child is struggling with and finding solutions that work for everyone.
What are parenting values? Parenting values are the principles that guide how you want to raise your children and the kind of relationships you want to build with them. They often include things like respect, connection, autonomy, and understanding.
How do children solve problems? Children learn problem-solving skills when adults support them through conflicts rather than immediately fixing things. They practice identifying their own feelings and what matters to them, then working together to find solutions.
What is collaborative problem solving? Collaborative problem solving is an approach where parents help children navigate challenges by exploring what's hard for everyone involved and creating solutions together, rather than imposing consequences or rewards.
H…
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Episode Summary 07: Is Your Child’s Behavior Really a Disorder? A Psychiatrist Explains
19 januari 2026 · 22 min
When your child struggles with behavior or attention, doctors might suggest ADHD medication. Before you move forward, you should know what a psychiatric diagnosis actually is - and what it isn't. Lees meer
This episode examines how psychiatric diagnoses actually work - and what they don't tell you. Dr. Sami Timimi, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in the UK, explains how the mental health system has become an industrial complex that profits from turning distress into diagnoses.
You'll learn why a diagnosis doesn't mean doctors have found something wrong with your child's brain, and why the framework we use to understand mental health struggles might be missing the bigger picture. If you've ever felt pressured to medicate your child or wondered whether there's more to the story than a "chemical imbalance", this conversation will give you the information you didn't know you were missing.
Questions this episode will answer
What do you do when your child has a behavioral problem? Instead of immediately seeking a diagnosis, consider the social context - school environments, family stress, economic pressures, and whether your child's environment actually fits their needs. Addressing these factors can be more effective than focusing solely on fixing the individual child.
What is a psychiatric diagnosis evaluation? A psychiatric diagnosis evaluation is a process where behaviors are observed and categorized according to checklists, but it doesn't involve measuring anything in the brain or body. The diagnosis describes behaviors but doesn't explain what causes them.
Can ADHD be misdiagnosed? Since ADHD diagnosis relies on behavior checklists rather than objective tests, two evaluators can reach different conclusions about the same child. The behaviors labeled as ADHD - hyperactivity, inattention, impulsivity - are descriptions, not explanations of what's causing those behaviors.
What is the most common childhood behavioral disorder? ADHD is commonly diagnosed in children, bu…
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258: YPM 2025 Year in Review + What’s Coming in 2026
12 januari 2026 · 23 min
Welcome to 2026! In this episode, we're looking back at what we covered in 2025 and sharing what's coming in the year ahead. Lees meer
A Year of Growth
2025 was a year of evolution for the podcast. We covered topics you've been asking about - parenting triggers, rage, overwhelm, boundaries, and breaking family trauma cycles. We also did a deep dive across four episodes into Dr. Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation (which likely overstates the harm of social media on kids). There’s also a summary episode that covers all the main ideas from the four deep dives in just 17 minutes.
Based on feedback from the Podcast Advisory Council, we shifted to shorter public episodes while full-length episodes moved to the Parenting Membership's private feed. Our goal is to get you to the insights that matter faster.
2026: The Year of Mental Health
This year, we're going deep on mental health. What even is it? How can we support it in ourselves and our children? And how does it intersect with neurodivergence? I've already recorded the first episodes and I have to tell you - my mind has been blown by what I'm learning.
Big Changes Coming
The Parenting Membership is now open year-round with a new onboarding process. The website is getting a complete redesign with filters so you can search by your specific challenge and child's age. Plus 10 new starter videos explaining core concepts.
Episodes Mentioned
232: 10 game-changing parenting hacks – straight from master dog trainers
233: Time-outs: Helpful or harmful? Here's what the research says
234: The problem wit time outs: Why they fail , and what to do instead
235: Chidren's Threats: What they mean and how to respond
238: Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed? Tools to help you cope
241: Validating children's feelings: Why it's important, and how to do it with Dr. Caroline Fleck
The Anxious Generation
255: Why Do I Keep Snapping? Parenting Rage When Your Childhood 'Wasn't That Bad
ES 04: Reparenting Yourself: Break Your Fam…
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Episode Summary 06: When Holiday Gift Boundaries Don’t Work (What Does?)
24 november 2025 · 18 min
Have you ever opened a gift from your parent and felt your stomach drop? You've tried everything - wishlists, clear conversations, explicit boundaries about gift giving. But the packages keep arriving, filled with things that feel totally opposite from your values. Lees meer
And then you're stuck in this awful place where you're simultaneously angry at them for not respecting your boundaries AND judging yourself for not just being grateful.
In this episode, I'm sharing part of a powerful coaching conversation with Sam, who's spent years trying to set gift giving boundaries with her mom. What we discovered is that when unwanted gifts trigger us this intensely, they're touching something way deeper than clutter or consumption.
When I talked with Nedra Glover Tawwab recently, she advocated for very strong boundaries: if you get unwanted gifts, you send them back. How the other person feels about that is not your responsibility. You might decide that a hard boundary is the best option for you. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t address the hurt you’re feeling that is leading you to consider a boundary.
Through an embodiment exercise, Sam found empathy for her mom's needs while still honoring her own need to be truly seen. But the real breakthrough came when we talked about what to do when your parent simply can't give you what you long for - and why that requires grief work, and not always stronger boundaries.
Questions this episode will answer
Is it normal to have resentment for your parents over gifts? Yes. When unwanted gifts keep coming despite clear boundaries, that resentment often connects to a deeper need - wanting your parent to truly see and understand you.
What is the psychology behind excessive gift-giving? Gift givers are often trying to meet needs like staying relevant, feeling competent as a parent, creating connection, and mattering in their grandchildren's lives, especially when physical distance or other limitations exist.
How do you respond to unwan…
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Episode Summary 05: How to Enforce Boundaries When Someone Doesn’t Respect Them
10 november 2025 · 27 min
You've told your parents you're not available during work hours. They keep calling anyway. Lees meer
You've asked them not to comment on your weight. They bring it up again on the next visit.
You've said no to those random Amazon gifts. Another package arrives at your door.
Many parents know how to set boundaries, but get stuck when someone won't respect them. In this summary episode, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab shares practical strategies for enforcing boundaries when people repeatedly ignore or dismiss them.
You'll learn about
the "fire extinguisher method" for stopping uncomfortable conversations before they spiral
how to embody your boundaries through your actions (not just your words)
how to navigate the especially tricky situation where you rely on someone for childcare but they won't respect your limits.
Nedra also discusses her new children's book and works through real scenarios about unwanted gifts, body-shaming comments, and what to do when setting a boundary means potentially losing support you need.
This conversation gets honest about the hard choices enforcing boundaries sometimes requires. Can you really maintain a boundary with someone you depend on? What do you do when the person provides childcare for you?
Nedra offers a clear framework for deciding when to stand firm, how to take action when words aren't working, and why allowing people to be upset with you is part of the process.
Questions this episode will answer
How do you deal with someone who doesn't respect boundaries? Enforce the boundary through your behavior, not just your words. If someone keeps calling during work hours after you've asked them not to, don't answer the phone. If they bring unwanted gifts, donate them immediately or return them to the gift-giver. You can't control what they do, but you can control what you do.
Why is setting boundaries so hard? We often learned in our families of origin that setting boundaries leads to rejection or anger. We worry about people being…
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257: I Don’t Enjoy Playing With My Kid: Why It Happens & What To Do
20 oktober 2025 · 42 min
Do you ever wake up with tension in your body because you know your child will want to play the moment you walk out of your bedroom? Lees meer
Do you spend time with your child but think about all the chores you should be doing instead?
Parent Aija came to a (FREE!) Beyond The Behavior coaching call with exactly this challenge. She plays with her four-and-a-half-year-old son a lot. But she doesn't enjoy it. And she has big feelings of guilt and shame about that.
What starts as a question about setting boundaries and making time for herself becomes something much deeper. We discover that Aija's struggle with play isn't really about play at all.
When we explore what makes Special Time so hard, we uncover sadness and grief that Aija didn't even realize was there. The messages she received as a child about productivity and being a "good" future wife and mother are still running in the background, making it really hard for her to be present with her son. But we also find three concrete strategies that help Aija see a way forward.
By the end of our conversation, her entire demeanor has shifted. She's smiling. She has a plan. We’ll uncover the key reasons why playing with our kids is hard, and how to get the most out of this important time.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
What is parenting guilt? Parenting guilt shows up when you think you "should" enjoy something but you don't. As Aija describes it: "I don't enjoy just spending time playing. My kids, that's terrible. But it seems that no matter how much Special Time we have, it's not enough for him." It's the gap between the parent you think you're supposed to be and the reality of your experience.
Why do I have parenting guilt about not enjoying play? Parenting guilt often comes from comparing yourself to others and from messages you received growing up. When Aija watches her husband play easily with their son, she thinks "I want to be like that" - but that comparison triggers shame, which makes it even harder to make …
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256: Managing Anger as a Parent: The Two Types of Anger You Need to Know
29 september 2025 · 27 min
Are you tired of feeling guilty every time you get angry as a parent? What if your anger actually contains valuable information about what needs to change in your family systems? Lees meer
Most parental anger management approaches treat all anger the same way - as a problem that requires control. But research shows there are actually two distinct types of parental anger, and understanding this difference changes everything about how you respond. Instead of suppressing your emotions or exploding at your kids, you can learn to use your anger constructively to create positive change for your family.
In this episode, you'll discover why traditional anger control methods often backfire and learn a practical framework for responding to your anger in ways that honor both your emotional experience and your family's wellbeing. You'll understand when your anger is pointing to legitimate systemic problems versus when it's signaling you've hit your personal limits.
Questions this episode will answer
Why do I get so angry as a parent? Parental anger often emerges when core values around fairness, respect, or safety are violated, or when you're overwhelmed and basic needs aren't being met.
What are the two types of anger parents experience? Values-Aligned Anger carries information about legitimate concerns and aims for positive change, while Reactive Anger emerges from overwhelm, triggers, or unmet basic needs.
How can I control my anger with my child? The HEAR method (Halt, Empathize, Acknowledge, Respond) provides a framework for responding to anger constructively rather than suppressing or exploding.
How does parental anger affect children? When parents model constructive anger responses, children learn that emotions can fuel positive change rather than destruction, and that their voices matter.
How do I deal with parental anger issues? Understanding whether your anger is Values-Aligned (requiring systemic changes) or Reactive (requiring self-care and healing) determines the mo…
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255: Why Do I Keep Snapping? Parenting Rage When Your Childhood ‘Wasn’t That Bad
22 september 2025 · 36 min
Do you find yourself going from zero to a hundred in seconds when your child spills something, refuses to cooperate, or has a meltdown? If you're constantly asking yourself, "Why do I keep snapping at my child?" or "Why am I so angry as a parent?" - you're definitely not alone. Many parents struggle with parenting triggers that seem to come out of nowhere, leaving them wondering how such small incidents can create such big reactions. Lees meer
What if your childhood "wasn't that bad" but you're still dealing with parenting anger? In this episode, we explore the connection between unknown childhood trauma and parenting triggers through a real coaching session with Terese, a teacher and mom of three who found herself snapping at her kids despite having plenty of support at home.
You'll discover how unresolved childhood trauma in adults shows up in parenting - even when we don't recognize our experiences as traumatic - and learn practical strategies to break generational cycles of yelling and reactivity.
Questions this episode will answer
Can you have childhood trauma and not know it? Yes - many adults don't recognize patterns like walking on eggshells or constant criticism as signs of unresolved childhood trauma, but these experiences still create parenting triggers and shape how we respond to stress as parents.
Why do I get so angry as a parent when my childhood wasn't traumatic? Unknown childhood trauma often involves seemingly "normal" experiences that still create triggers in our nervous system, causing us to react intensely to situations that mirror our past, even if we don't identify our upbringing as traumatic.
What are the signs of unresolved childhood trauma in adults? Signs include quick reactivity to minor issues, parenting anger over small things, feeling like everything is "your fault," difficulty with self-compassion, and repeating patterns you experienced as a child - even from childhoods that seemed "fine."
How do I stop getting angry with my child? Brea…
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Episode Summary 04: Reparenting Yourself: Break Your Family’s Trauma Cycle
15 september 2025 · 23 min
Every parent knows that harsh inner voice that whispers "You're a terrible parent" when you lose your patience, or "You've ruined your kids forever" after a difficult moment. This episode reveals a simple "magic trick" that can instantly create space between you and those critical thoughts - and it's something anyone can learn. Lees meer
Discover how one powerful phrase can transform your reactions from triggered explosions to curious responses. You'll learn where your inner critic actually comes from (hint: it's often an echo from your own childhood), and how reparenting yourself can break generational cycles of trauma.
This episode recaps the following episodes, giving you a lot of the benefit of 3 hours of content, in just 21 minutes:
SYPM 017: Reparenting ourselves to create empathy in the world with Amy
178: How to heal your inner critic
193: You don't have to believe everything you think
Questions This Episode Will Answer
What is the inner critic and how does it affect parenting?
The inner critic is that harsh, judgmental voice that tells you you're failing as a parent. It often stems from childhood trauma and can trigger explosive reactions to normal child behavior.
Where does the inner critic come from?
Your inner critic is usually an internalized version of critical voices from your childhood - parents, teachers, or caregivers who couldn't handle your authentic self or big emotions.
How do you identify your inner critic?
Watch for thoughts using absolute language ("always," "never," "terrible"), character judgments ("I'm a bad parent"), catastrophic conclusions, and voices that sound like critical figures from your past.
What does reparenting yourself mean?
Reparenting yourself means giving yourself the patience, understanding, and compassion you didn't receive as a child - becoming the caring parent to yourself that you needed growing up.
How do you reparent yourself as a parent?
Start by questioning your thoughts instead of believing them automatic…
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Episode Summary 03: How to Stop Yelling as a Parent: Emotional Regulation Techniques That Work
8 september 2025 · 21 min
Does your child's behavior sometimes trigger such an instant, overwhelming reaction that you find yourself yelling before you even realize what happened? Lees meer
That moment when your jaw clenches, your shoulders tense, and suddenly you're saying things you wish you could take back? You're experiencing what millions of parents face daily - a nervous system response that happens faster than conscious thought.
This episode reveals the science behind why willpower alone isn't enough to stop yelling, and introduces you to specific, learnable skills that can transform how you respond to your child's most challenging moments.
You'll discover what's actually happening in your body during those triggered moments, why suppressing your anger isn't the answer, and how your emotional responses are teaching your child crucial lessons about handling life's difficulties.
Most importantly, you'll learn practical techniques that work in real parenting situations - not theoretical advice that falls apart when your preschooler has a meltdown in the grocery store.
This summary episode makes all the research from several much longer episodes available for time-strapped parents. If you want to learn more, these episodes will help:
056: Beyond “You’re OK!”: Modeling Emotion Regulation
082: Regulating emotions: What, When, & How
129: The physical reasons you yell at your kids
Questions this episode will answer
What is emotional regulation and why do parents struggle with it?
Emotional regulation is monitoring, evaluating, and modifying emotional reactions to accomplish your parenting goals. Parents struggle because stress triggers happen faster than rational thought.
Why do I yell at my child even when I don't want to?
Your sympathetic nervous system floods your body with stress hormones before your rational brain registers what's happening, making yelling an automatic response.
What are the best emotional regulation techniques for parents?
Simple grounding techniques like consciou…
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254: What is FAFO Parenting? The 9 Most Important Things Parents Should Know
3 september 2025 · 1 uur 1 min
If you've been scrolling TikTok or parenting forums lately, you've probably encountered FAFO parenting - the trending approach that's being positioned as the antidote to ‘overly permissive’ gentle parenting. Standing for ‘F*** Around and Find Out,’ this parenting style centers on letting children experience harsh consequences without parental intervention, even when parents could easily prevent those consequences. Lees meer
But is FAFO parenting actually effective, or does it create more problems than it solves? In this comprehensive episode, we explore what FAFO parenting really looks like in practice, examine the research behind popular parenting approaches, and uncover why both FAFO and traditional gentle parenting often miss the mark.
Most importantly, we'll discover collaborative alternatives that meet both children's developmental needs and parents' legitimate needs - without the exhaustion of scripted responses or the relationship damage of harsh consequences.
Questions this episode will answer
What does FAFO parenting actually mean?
FAFO stands for "F*** Around and Find Out" - an approach where parents let children experience unpleasant consequences without intervention, believing this teaches better decision-making.
What are real examples of FAFO parenting in action?
Examples include letting a child walk home in the rain without a coat, throwing away toys left on the floor, and making children buy their own underwear after accidents.
Why is FAFO parenting gaining popularity among parents?
Parents exhausted by gentle parenting scripts and constant negotiation are attracted to FAFO's apparent simplicity and the promise of teaching children through direct consequences.
What's the difference between consequences and punishments in parenting?
Authentic consequences happen naturally (getting cold without a jacket), while punishments are artificially created by parents (throwing away toys, withholding food, or requiring that kids replace underwear they’ve soiled…
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253: How to Do Homeschooling: A Former Teacher Explores Unschooling
18 augustus 2025 · 1 uur 15 min
Ever wondered about alternative paths to educate your child outside the traditional school system? My guest today is Laura Moore, who spent 15 years in early childhood education - and who is now exploring homeschooling alternatives, including unschooling, for her own child. Lees meer
As a teacher and mother of a 3.5-year-old, Laura brings a unique insider perspective to the education debate. She opens up about witnessing the limitations of the current school system, the pressure children face to conform to rigid schedules, and why she's questioning whether traditional schooling truly serves our children's best interests.
You'll hear a raw, honest conversation between two parents grappling with real concerns about education choices. Laura shares her genuine questions about balancing work with alternative education, handling judgment from others, and whether children can truly thrive outside the conventional system. Her curiosity about unschooling leads to fascinating insights about child-led learning, maintaining boundaries while honoring children's natural rhythms, and creating educational experiences that preserve rather than diminish curiosity.
Questions this episode will answer
What is unschooling and how does it work?
How is unschooling different from homeschooling?
Can you homeschool while working full time?
What are the pros and cons of homeschooling?
How to get started with homeschooling?
Is homeschooling better than traditional education?
What are the advantages of homeschooling?
What's wrong with the traditional education system?
How do you handle judgment about homeschooling decisions?
Do homeschooled children get into college?
How do homeschooled children get socialization?
What's the role of parents in unschooling?
How do you balance work and alternative education as a family?
What happens to children's natural curiosity in traditional school?
What you'll learn in this episode
The insider perspective on traditional education's limitations: Hear…
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252: From ‘Be the Best’ Anxiety to Trusting Your Child’s Natural Learning
11 augustus 2025 · 51 min
When Sara's four-year-old son started asking permission to use art supplies he'd always freely accessed before, she knew something had shifted. After a year in a (loving, high-quality!) preschool, her previously autonomous child was suddenly seeking approval for things that had never required it. Sara had never required this at home, and in fact it worried her because it didn't fit with her values to treat her son as a whole person. Lees meer
If this shift was happening so obviously at home, what other changes might be occurring that she couldn't see yet - changes that might not align with what mattered most to her family?
Sara wished she could homeschool, but knew it wasn't in the cards. Seeing the shift in her son showed her that once her son started formal school, she was going to be the one who helped him to stay connected to learning that wasn't just based on rote memorization.
But how would she do this, when she wasn't a teacher?
In this conversation, Sara shares how she learned to step back from teaching and instead scaffold her son's innate curiosity about everything from astronauts to construction vehicles. As an architect and immigrant parent navigating cultural pressures around achievement, Sara's story reveals how supporting your child's interests rather than directing their learning can transform both your relationship and their confidence as a learner.
Whether you're working full-time, in school, homeschooling, or simply wondering how to nurture your child's curiosity without taking over, Sara's practical examples show that interest-based learning doesn't have to add a lot of work to busy family life. It becomes an organic part of how you connect and explore the world together.
Questions this episode will answer
What does interest-based learning look like in real family life?
How can parents support learning without taking over their child's exploration?
What is scaffolding in education and how do you do it effectively?
How do you identify and follow …
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251: Why Your 8-12 Year Old Should Start a Business (And How to Support Them Without Taking Over!)
4 augustus 2025 · 58 min
What if the most powerful gift you could give your child isn't a college fund, but the skills to create their own income at age 10? When my daughter Carys started pet sitting, she didn't just earn money (although she does now have $759 in a retirement savings account that could become over $100,000 by the time she needs it). Lees meer
She’s also developing initiative, follow-through, boundary setting, and client communication skills that many adults find difficult.
This episode reveals why ages 8-12 represent a unique window for developing real-world capabilities through meaningful work. You'll discover how kid businesses naturally teach the life skills parents spend years trying to instill through chores and consequences, from morning routines and organization to persistence with difficult tasks and clear communication about capacity and needs.
You’ll learn the practical details of supporting a young entrepreneur without taking over, addressing common concerns about safety, childhood, and academic pressure while showing how business skills actually enhance learning and development.
Questions this episode will answer:
What age should kids start a business and why? Ages 8-12 are ideal because kids can handle real responsibility but aren't overwhelmed by teenage social pressures, plus adults are more patient and supportive with young entrepreneurs.
What business skills can young kids actually develop? Taking initiative, following through on commitments, organization, client communication, boundary setting, persistence through challenges, financial planning, and so much more: all skills that develop through real work.
How do you support a kid's business without taking over? Be a "guide on the side" by asking questions instead of giving answers, stepping in only when they hit capacity limits, and letting them learn from manageable failures.
What types of businesses work best for kids this age? Service-based businesses with low startup costs that match kid strengths: thin…
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Episode Summary 02: The Anxious Generation: What Parents Need to Know
28 juli 2025 · 19 min
Are you worried that social media is destroying your teen's mental health? You're not alone. Jonathan Haidt's bestselling book The Anxious Generation has parents everywhere wondering if smartphones are rewiring their kids' brains and creating a mental health crisis. But before you rush to ban your teen's phone, you need to hear what the research actually shows. Lees meer
This summary episode brings together all the key insights from our 4-part series examining The Anxious Generation. We take a deep dive into the data behind the teen mental health crisis claims, giving you the essential findings in one convenient episode. You'll discover why those alarming statistics might not mean what you think they do, and why the correlation between social media use and teen depression is actually smaller than the correlation between eating potatoes and teen wellbeing.
We'll explore what really drives teen mental health struggles, from family relationships to academic pressure, and why control-based approaches like phone bans often backfire, pushing our kids further away when they need us most.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
Is there really a teen mental health crisis caused by social media? The dramatic statistics may reflect better screening and diagnosis rather than new cases caused by technology.
Does social media actually cause teen depression and anxiety? Research shows the correlation is smaller than that between eating potatoes and teen wellbeing, explaining less than 1% of variance.
Should parents ban phones at school to help kids focus? Academic declines are tiny and international data doesn't support the phone-blame theory.
Will banning my teen's phone at home solve their mental health problems? Control-based approaches often backfire and damage the parent-child relationship.
What affects teen mental health more than social media? Family relationships, academic pressure, sleep, economic stress, and school environment have much bigger impacts.
How can I help my teen…
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250: The Anxious Generation Review (Part 4): Should we ban cell phones at home?
21 juli 2025 · 38 min
In Part 1, we looked at the evidence for the teen 'mental health crisis.' Lees meer
In Part 2, we reviewed the evidence for whether social media is causing the so-called 'teen mental health crisis.
In Part 3, we began looking at what to do about the effects of phones on kids - starting with school cell phone bans.
If you've read The Anxious Generation or heard about Dr. Jean Twenge's forthcoming book 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World, you might be wondering whether it's time to implement strict family phone rules and teenage social media limits in your home. These digital parenting experts promise clear solutions: you're in charge, no phones in bedrooms, no social media until 16. But what happens when these teenage phone rules meet the reality of family life?
In this final episode of our Anxious Generation series, we explore why traditional approaches to limit social media time often backfire spectacularly - and what effective digital parenting looks like instead. You'll discover why rigid teenage mobile phone rules can actually push kids further away from you, how punishment-based approaches to social media teens mirror the failed DARE program, and why the child who follows rules perfectly at home might be the one taking bigger risks when they're finally on their own. We'll also share practical, relationship-based alternatives that help you address real concerns about teenage social media use while building trust and connection with your child.
Questions this episode will answer
How do you set social media limits with your teen? Focus on collaborative conversations about how technology affects them, rather than imposing rigid teenage social media limits without their input.
Should social media be limited for teens? Blanket restrictions often backfire; effective digital parenting involves understanding individual needs and working together on healthy boundaries.
How to limit cellphone use for teenager without damaging trust? Use connection-first approach…
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249: The Anxious Generation Review (Part 3): Should we ban cell phones in school?
14 juli 2025 · 51 min
This is the third in our series of episodes on Jonathan Haidt's book The Anxious Generation. Lees meer
In Part 1, we looked at the evidence for the teen 'mental health crisis.'
In Part 2, we reviewed the evidence for whether social media is causing the so-called 'teen mental health crisis.
In this episode, we begin looking at what to do about the effects of phones on kids - starting with school cell phone bans.
Phone bans are spreading like wildfire across America, with 21 states either studying or already enforcing restrictions, up from none just a few years ago. But before you advocate for - or against - a ban at your child's school, you need to hear what the research actually reveals. This episode examines real studies from Denmark, England, and Hungary, plus the eye-opening results from schools using those tamper-proof Yonder pouches that promise to solve everything.
You'll discover why the "golden age" of unsupervised childhood play that experts want us to return to wasn't actually golden for most kids. More importantly, you'll learn what's really driving students to their phones: unmet needs for choice, agency, and genuine connection. Through a fascinating deep-dive into one teacher's blog post about his school's phone ban, you'll see how current approaches may be missing the point entirely, and what students themselves say would actually help them engage more in school.
Which states are banning cell phones in schools? 21 states are currently studying or have already enforced cell phone bans, including Florida, Louisiana, Virginia, Indiana, Oklahoma, North Dakota, and New York.
Are cell phone bans in schools effective for improving academic performance? Research shows mixed results with only tiny improvements on test scores, and most studies don't control for other factors that could explain the changes.
Does banning phones in school improve students' mental health? Studies from multiple countries found no significant improvements in student anxiety, depression…
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248: The Anxious Generation Review (Part 2): Does Social Media Actually Cause Kids’ Depression and Anxiety?
7 juli 2025 · 1 uur
In Part 1 of this mini-series looking at Jonathan Haidt's book The Anxious Generation, we discovered that the teen mental health crisis might not be as dramatic as The Anxious Generation claims - and that changes in diagnosis and coding could be inflating the numbers. But even if we accept that teens' struggles have increased somewhat, the next crucial question is: what's actually causing the change? Lees meer
Jonathan Haidt is adamant that social media causes depression and anxiety in teenagers. He claims that "dozens of experiments" prove social media use is a CAUSE, not just a correlate, of mental health problems. But when you dig into the studies, as we do in this episode, we'll see that the 'causal' data is nowhere near as strong as Haidt claims.
We'll examine the experimental evidence behind social media and teen mental health claims, reveal why leading researchers compare social media effects on teens to eating potatoes, and uncover what factors actually explain 99% of youth mental health outcomes. Because if we're going to spend time and energy helping our kids, we want to make sure we're spending it doing things that will actually help.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
Does social media really cause teen depression and anxiety? Research shows correlation, not proven causation, with social media effects on teens explaining less than 1% of wellbeing, similar to the effect of eating potatoes. (Some researchers argue that this is still important enough to pay attention to - the episode explores why.)
Why do I keep hearing that social media is harmful if the research is weak? Many (but not all) social media studies find some evidence of harm, but when you look at the methodology this isn't surprising - researchers do things like sending participants daily reminders that "limiting social media is good for you," and then asking them how much social media they've consumed and how they feel. It's hard to draw strong conclusions from this data!
How can different studi…
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247: The Anxious Generation Review (Part 1): Is There Really a Mental Health Crisis in the U.S.?
30 juni 2025 · 1 uur 5 min
Are we really facing an unprecedented mental health crisis in America, or have we been misreading the data? As parents everywhere grapple with The Anxious Generation's claims that smartphones are rewiring our children's brains, this episode takes a closer look at what the research actually shows about youth mental health trends. Lees meer
If you've read the book, you've seen those alarming hockey-stick graphs showing dramatic increases in teen depression and anxiety in teenagers. But what if those "surges" aren't quite what they seem? What if changes in how we diagnose and track mental health conditions are inflating the crisis? And what happens when a community with everything that should protect kids - tight social bonds, involved parents, shared values - still experiences devastating teen suicide rates?
This deep-dive analysis examines the evidence behind Gen Z mental health claims, investigates whether youth depression statistics show the dramatic surge described in The Anxious Generation, and asks the crucial question: are we fighting the right battle when it comes to protecting our children's wellbeing?
Questions This Episode Will Answer
Is there really a mental health crisis in America? While youth mental health challenges are real, the "crisis" narrative may be overblown due to changes in diagnostic practices and data collection methods since 2010.
When did the mental health crisis start according to The Anxious Generation? Haidt claims the crisis began between 2010-2015 with smartphone adoption, but the data shows more complex patterns that predate this timeline.
What are the signs of youth depression and anxiety that parents should watch for? The episode explores how reported signs of youth depression and anxiety have increased, but examines whether this reflects actual increases or better identification and reporting. We look at the classic signs of depression and anxiety in teens, as well as what to look for in teens who might 'seem fine.'
How many teens h…
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246: My Parenting Feels Off Track: Reparenting Helps You Find Your Way Back
26 mei 2025 · 47 min
Do you ever feel like your parenting is completely off track from where you want it to be? You promise yourself you won't yell, then find yourself yelling at your kids before breakfast. Lees meer
You intend to be patient and present, but end up getting distracted by your phone, or snapping at your child. This disconnect between your parenting intentions and reality can leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, and afraid that you're passing on intergenerational trauma despite your best efforts.
In this episode, we reveal the origins of our harsh inner critic and how cultural expectations set parents up for struggle. You'll discover practical reparenting techniques, step-by-step self-compassion exercises, and how recognizing your emotional triggers can transform your parenting journey.
This isn't about perfect parenting - it's about healing your own childhood wounds through a process called reparenting, so you can break intergenerational patterns and build the connection with your child you've always wanted.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
How can I identify and manage my emotional triggers in parenting?
Emotional triggers often originate from unhealed childhood experiences. Notice when you have outsized reactions to your child's behavior—these point to areas needing healing. The episode offers a self-compassion exercise to help you treat yourself with the same kindness that you treat others. Creating space between trigger and reaction allows you to respond intentionally rather than reactively.
How does my inner critic affect my ability to parent effectively?
Your inner critic—which is often a voice of your parent/caregiver—triggers shame spirals that make it harder to parent effectively. It damages your relationship with yourself and teaches your children to develop their own harsh inner critics. Through reparenting, you can recognize this voice isn't truly yours, but one you absorbed from your environment. Learning to quiet this voice creates space for authentic connect…
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RE-RELEASE: Finding Your Parenting Village: How Community Support Changes Everything at Home
19 mei 2025 · 51 min
Are you tired of facing family challenges alone? In this powerful episode, we witness the transformative journey of two parents who discovered that joining a parenting support group can change everything at home. Lees meer
Parenting wasn't meant to be a solo journey. When sleep deprivation, communication struggles with partners, and children's big emotions become overwhelming family challenges, the right parenting support group makes all the difference. This episode shows how connecting with a supportive parenting community helped transform 45-minute tantrums into 10-minute conversations, restore sleep after years of exhaustion, and address family communication challenges in ways that parenting books alone never could.
Now, more than ever, we need each other. In this re-released episode from two years ago, you'll hear authentic stories that will inspire you to find your own parenting support group and experience the profound changes that happen when parents help each other overcome family challenges.
Questions This Episode Will Answer
How can I find a parenting support group when I don't have family nearby?
Distance from extended family doesn't mean you must face family challenges alone. This episode demonstrates how intentional parenting support groups can provide even more targeted help than your actual family. You'll learn how to connect with parents who share your values and family challenges, not just parents who happen to live close to you. These parenting support groups create meaningful connections that provide practical help, emotional support, and accountability.
How do I find a parenting support group with members who won't judge me?
Finding non-judgmental parenting support begins with seeking communities built on mutual understanding rather than competition. This episode shows how specialized parenting support groups create safe spaces where you can share family challenges honestly - even showing up in tears or looking completely exhausted - without fear o…
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245: Does praise help or hurt your child? What research actually shows
12 mei 2025 · 1 uur 3 min
Most parents believe praise is an essential tool for raising confident, well-behaved children. We've been told to "catch them being good" and "focus on the positive." But what if our well-intentioned praise is actually functioning as a subtle form of control? What if praise isn't just celebrating who our children are, but secretly shaping them into who we—or society—want them to become? Lees meer
In this episode, we'll examine how praise affects children's self-concept, motivation, and behavior. We'll explore research on praise's effects, reflect on our own experiences with praise growing up, and draw on philosophical ideas to understand praise as a tool of power that teaches children to internalize social norms and regulate their own behavior. We'll also learn new tools to create more authentic relationships with our children and helping them develop true autonomy.
Click here to download the list of 55 Ways to Support, Encourage, and Celebrate Your Child Without PraiseIs praise harmful to children?
Praise can function as a form of control, establishing a conditional relationship where your approval depends on your child's actions. The underlying message becomes: "I'm excited about you when you do what I want." This contradicts what children need to flourish: unconditional love and acceptance for who they are, not what they do.
What's the difference between praise and appreciation?
Praise is evaluative language that judges a person's actions or character as "good" or "bad." Appreciation focuses on the impact someone's actions had on you personally. For example, instead of "good job setting the table," try "Thank you for setting the table—I really appreciate not having to do it myself."
Does praise help motivate children?
Research on praise's effects is mixed. Some studies suggest rewards undermine intrinsic motivation, while others indicate they can help establish habits. The more important question isn't whether praise works to change behavior in the short term, but …
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RE-RELEASE: How to get your child to listen to you
5 mei 2025 · 50 min
Is your child's refusal to listen driving you CRAZY? You're not alone! In this transformative episode, mom-of-three Chrystal reveals how she went from constant power struggles to peaceful cooperation without sacrificing authority. Discover the exact approach that works when "because I said so" fails. Stop the exhausting battles TODAY and create the respectful relationship you've always wanted with your child. Lees meer
Questions This Episode Will Answer:
Why won't my child listen to me? Children resist when their needs aren't being met. Understanding what's beneath the "not listening" transforms power struggles into opportunities for connection and cooperation.
How do I get my child to listen without threatening or bribing? Focus on identifying both your needs and your child's needs, then problem-solve together to find solutions that work for everyone. This creates willing cooperation rather than reluctant compliance.
Will my child ever listen the first time I ask? Yes! When children know that you'll try to meet their needs as well as your own, they become MUCH more willing to collaborate with you. The path to first-time listening isn't through control but through connection.
Am I creating an entitled child by not demanding immediate compliance? Actually, the opposite is true. Children raised with respectful problem-solving develop stronger empathy, better boundary recognition, and more social skills than those raised with strict obedience requirements.
How do I handle emergencies when I need immediate compliance? Create a foundation of trust by respecting autonomy in non-emergency situations. When true emergencies arise, children who trust you will respond to your urgency because they know you don't overuse your authority.
What You'll Learn In This Episode:
The powerful shift from control-based parenting to needs-based problem-solving
Why resistance is a signal that needs attention, not defiance that needs punishment
How to identify your real non-negotiables versu…
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244: Gentle parenting doesn’t have to mean permissive parenting
28 april 2025 · 52 min
Is gentle parenting just permissive parenting in disguise? This episode reveals a powerful framework for meeting both your needs and your child's, creating cooperation without sacrificing connection. Lees meer
Is gentle parenting the same as permissive parenting?
No, gentle parenting is not the same as permissive parenting. Gentle parenting focuses on meeting both the child's and the parent's needs with respect and empathy. Permissive parenting prioritizes the child's desires without setting appropriate boundaries or considering the parent's needs. Parents can be gentle without being permissive by understanding and meeting their own needs, as well as their child's needs.
Why don't logical consequences and offering limited choices always work?
Logical consequences and offering limited choices don't always work because they are often strategies to control a child's behavior rather than addressing the underlying needs driving that behavior. When a child is acting out, they may be seeking connection, autonomy, or have other unmet needs. Logical consequences and choices don't meet these needs, so the behavior continues.
How can I set effective limits without sliding into permissiveness?
To set effective limits without becoming permissive, understand that your needs matter just as much as your child's. Identify the underlying need you're currently trying to meet with a limit, and identify strategies that honor both your needs and your child's. This prevents you from prioritizing the child's desires while neglecting your own needs, which is characteristic of permissive parenting.
What's the difference between a natural consequence and a logical consequence?
A natural consequence is what naturally occurs as a result of an action such as touching a hot stove and getting burned. A logical consequence is an action that a parent takes as a result of an action, such as taking away screen time because a child didn't do what they were told.
How can I meet both my needs and my chil…
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243: Parent Conflict Over Discipline: How to Get on the Same Page
21 april 2025 · 53 min
"How can we get on the same page about discipline?" is one of the most common questions parents face. Before having kids, most couples never realize how different family backgrounds, experiences, and parenting beliefs will collide into seemingly unbridgeable differences. This episode explores practical tools to navigate these differences, from de-escalating tense moments to having productive conversations that honor both parents' needs while creating consistency for your children. Lees meer
Questions this episode will answer
Why do my partner and I have such different approaches to discipline?
Your differing approaches likely stem from your own childhood experiences, family values, and what you're trying to "fix" from your upbringing. You might also have different core needs you're trying to meet — one parent might prioritize structure and predictability while another focuses on emotional connection. Understanding these differences is key to finding common ground rather than seeing your partner as "wrong."
How do I handle it when my partner disciplines our child in a way I don't agree with?
When your partner uses a disciplinary approach you disagree with, jumping in to defend the kids often escalates the situation. Instead, try a de-escalation approach: help everyone regulate with your calm presence, validate each person's feelings, and offer a simple solution that gives everyone an out while preserving dignity. Save deeper discussions for later when kids aren't present.
How can I talk to my partner about discipline without starting a fight?
Approach conversations without judgment by framing the discussion around shared goals ("Can we talk about what we want to do when the kids don't listen?") rather than criticizing their approach ("You're too harsh with the kids"). The episode offers 10 indirect questions to help you understand the origins of your partner's beliefs about discipline.
What if my partner thinks gentle parenting "doesn't work"?
If your partner is usin…
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242: The secret to having feedback conversations your family will actually hear
14 april 2025 · 1 uur 7 min
Have you ever shared an observation with your partner or child, only to watch them immediately become defensive or shut down? You meant well, but somehow your words landed as criticism instead of the helpful insight you intended. Lees meer
In this episode, we explore The Feedback Process framework with Joellen Killion, examining how we can transform our family communications. When we participate in the feedback process effectively, we create conversations that family members can actually hear—conversations that lead to lasting positive change rather than defensiveness and resistance.
Questions this episode will answer
Why do our attempts to share observations with family members often lead to defensiveness?
What's the difference between criticism and participating in the feedback process?
How can we frame our observations so they're received as helpful rather than hurtful?
What specific language patterns help family members stay open to what we're sharing?
How can we create feedback conversations that strengthen relationships instead of damaging them?
How does shifting from "waiting to respond" to "truly listening" transform the entire feedback dynamic?
How can we teach children to participate in the feedback process constructively?
What you'll learn in this episode
The key components of The Feedback Process framework and how they transform family communications
Practical techniques to share observations without triggering defensiveness in your partner or children
Specific language patterns that help feedback recipients stay open to what you're sharing
How to recognize when feedback isn't being received and what to do about it
The crucial difference between criticism and constructive feedback
Ways to create a family culture where feedback strengthens relationships rather than damaging them
How participating in the feedback process builds emotional intelligence in children
Practical examples of transforming common family conflicts through effective feedback …
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240: How to prepare your kids for the real world
17 maart 2025 · 1 uur 6 min
In this episode, we explore how to prepare children for the real world without sacrificing their authentic selves. Drawing on research about food habits, screen time, social expectations, and discipline approaches, this discussion offers balanced strategies that prioritize connection over control. You'll learn how to guide children through external pressures while helping them develop critical thinking skills and maintaining their inherent wisdom. Lees meer
Questions this episode will answer
How can I help my child navigate a world of hyper-palatable foods without creating unhealthy food relationships?
What's the evidence about screen time and video games, and how can I approach them constructively?
How do social systems pressure children to conform to limiting gender roles and expectations?
Is traditional discipline truly preparing children for the "real world," or is there a better approach?
How can I honor my child's authentic self while still giving them tools to succeed?
What you'll learn in this episode
The truth about BMI measurements and research on body size that contradicts common assumptions
How the Division of Responsibility model can transform mealtime struggles
Why video games don't increase violence and may offer surprising benefits
Practical ways to help children develop critical thinking about media messages
How to identify the unmet needs behind challenging behavior
The concept of "traumatic invalidation" and its impact on children's development
Step-by-step approaches to build children's self-regulation around screen time
How to create meaningful conversations about problematic messages in children's books
Ways to validate children while preparing them for life's challenges
This episode offers a thoughtful examination of the tensions between societal pressures and children's innate wisdom, providing practical guidance for parents navigating these complex territories. Rather than offering quick fixes, we focus on building connection as the …
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239: First year for your newborn baby: The 7 ideas that really matter
10 maart 2025 · 56 min
What truly matters in a baby’s first year? This episode explores the top seven things parents should focus on, helping you set priorities with confidence. Lees meer
Questions this episode will answer
How much influence do parents really have on their child’s development?
What parenting practices actually make a long-term difference?
Should you be worried about hitting developmental milestones on time?
How can you support your baby’s emotional well-being from day one?
What are the best ways to foster a strong parent-child bond?
What you’ll learn in this episode
Parenting advice changes constantly, often reflecting shifts in culture and scientific understanding. In this episode, we take a research-backed approach to uncover what truly matters in your baby’s first year—and what doesn’t.
The Myth of the Perfect Parent:Learn why the definition of “good parenting” has evolved and how cultural expectations influence parenting choices.
Nature vs. Nurture:Discover the surprising role genetics and socioeconomic factors play in shaping a child’s future.
The Truth About Developmental Milestones:Understand why comparing your child to others can be misleading—and what really matters for long-term success.
Helping Your Baby Feel Secure:Explore the key elements of emotional safety and how they support healthy development.
Building a Strong Parent-Child Connection:Learn practical strategies to foster trust, communication, and bonding with your baby.
Making Parenting Easier:Get clarity on what’s actually worth stressing about—spoiler: fancy baby gear isn’t on the list.
Join us as we use our values to understand how to get parenting right from the start for your baby and family.
If you’re ready to dive even deeper into these ideas and get hands-on guidance in your parenting journey, our Right From The Start course that I run with Hannah & Kelty of Upbringing is here to help.
It’s designed to give you the confidence and tools to support your baby’s emotional well-being, strengt…
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238: Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed? Tools to help you cope
17 februari 2025 · 54 min
Feeling Overwhelmed by Parenting Stress? You’re Not Alone. Lees meer
If you’re exhausted, stretched too thin, and struggling with the stress of parenting, you’re not the only one. Many parents—especially mothers—find themselves running on empty, constantly trying to meet everyone’s needs while their own go unnoticed. Parenting stress can leave you feeling frustrated, drained, and even angry at your kids, whom you love so much.
In this episode, we’re unpacking why parenting can feel like too much and what we can do about it. We’ll explore the hidden pressures that push parents toward burnout, the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves, and small shifts that can help you feel more supported, more present, and less overwhelmed by the daily stress of parenting.
Questions this episode will answer
Why does parenting feel so much harder than I expected?
Is it normal to feel resentful or emotionally drained from the stress of parenting?
Am I an angry parent? Is this just who I am?
How can I take care of myself when my kids need me all the time?
Why do I feel guilty when I set boundaries or ask for help?
What small, doable changes can I make to feel more balanced and present?
What you’ll learn in this episode
Why so many parents feel like they’re drowning—and why it’snot your fault
What’s really behind that constant exhaustion and frustration
Practical ways to lighten the load without adding more to your to-do list
How small mindset shifts can make parenting feellessoverwhelming
How to recognize when parenting stress is turning you into an angry parent—and what to do about it
This isn’t about striving for perfection or forcing yourself to do more. It’s about finding simple, meaningful ways to care for yourself while still showing up for your family.
Parental Burnout Quiz
Here's the quiz mentioned in the episode: https://en.burnoutparental.com/suis-je-en-burnout
If you snap at your kids more often than you'd like...
If your anger seems to come out of nowher…
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237: 8 reasons your child won’t tell you what’s wrong – and how to help
10 februari 2025 · 27 min
Struggling to get your child to open up? Discover 8 key reasons kids resist sharing their feelings—and actionable strategies to create real connection. Lees meer
Why Your Child Won’t Open Up—and What You Can Do
As parents, we deeply want to support our children, but when we ask, “What’s wrong?” and get silence or resistance in return, it can feel frustrating and confusing. Why won’t they just tell us what’s going on? Whether your child is too young to articulate their emotions, brushes off your questions, or reacts with defiance, you’re not alone.
In this episode of Your Parenting Mojo, we explore the real reasons children struggle to express their feelings and how we, as parents, might unintentionally make it harder for them to share. You’ll learn practical, connection-based strategies to shift these dynamics, helping your child feel safe enough to open up—without forcing the conversation.
The episode builds on the ideas in my book Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family - and the World.
Questions This Episode Will Answer:
Why does my child shut down when I ask about their feelings?
How can I encourage my child to express emotions—even if they can't or don't speak?
Could how I talk to them make them less likely to share?
How should I respond when they say,“I don’t care”or“Stop talking like that”?
How can I build long-term trust so they confide in me more?
What common parenting habits discourage open communication without us realizing it?
What strategies can I use to make problem-solving conversations feel safe and collaborative?
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
8 key reasons why kids resist sharing their emotions.
How to recognize when your childwantsto open up but doesn’t know how.
The hidden impact of parenting focused on getting the child to behave correctly—and how to shift toward emotional connection.
How to reframe conversations so your child knows you see, know, and love them for who they really are.
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236: How to heal the anger in your relationship with your spouse
3 februari 2025 · 1 uur 9 min
How to heal the anger in your relationship with your spouse Lees meer
Parent Laurie was doing really well when she had two kids. She had been with her partner for a long time, she had just achieved her first managerial role at work, and things were going great - so they thought it would be a good time to add a third child.
Then: Pandemic. Two kids under three. The oldest child started school and had problems that were diagnosed as ADHD and Autism. Navigating all the appointments and calls from school took so much time that Laurie dropped down to part-time work, so her salary would no longer cover the cost of childcare. She quit her job and became a stay-at-home parent.
The Anger Begins
Then the anger and rage began. Laurie had always had anger throughout her whole life, and thought she knew how to handle it - but this rage was a different story. It felt like she wasn't in control, which is the complete opposite of how she wanted to show up as a parent and as a partner - so she felt deeply ashamed of it.
Her husband Jordan bore the brunt of it - for big issues and small. They had a mouse problem...and one day he left Goldfish crackers out. Laurie was like the villainous octopus witch Ursula from The Little Mermaid who wanted to tear everything down - to tear HIM down.
The Impact of Anger on Laurie's Kids
Of course her kids heard all of this. Not long after his diagnosis, her oldest son had given a presentation to his class about his family, and he introduced Laurie by saying: "No matter what happens, my Mom is calm and unflappable and she can handle it." It was Laurie's parenting dream come true, since she didn't grow up in a calm house.
Laurie felt so ashamed that she wasn't the calm center of the family anymore, and that her kids were afraid of her.
Where the Anger Comes From
Then she started to learn the sources of her triggered feelings from waaay back in that not-so-calm household. She also learned that getting her husband to change his behavior was not the ans…